August 30, 2009

You Know You're A Mom When...

-You use spit as a cleaning agent.

-You use counting to three as a means to silence.

-You only shave your legs as far up as needed: thigh for shorts, knees for capris, pants...who cares!

-You've actually written out a check with a crayon, or grocery list.

-Your catlike reflexes evolve to the point of catching spit up.

-You're jealous of your friends mini-van.

-Going to the grocery store alone is the best time you've had all week.

-When you read the paper...oh never mind.

-You lose track of your cup of coffee at least once a day and end up pouring another cup; rarely is it ever warm.

-You haven't had an uninterrupted phone call for at least a steady year.

-You know all the Disney princesses, their prince charmings, their social security numbers, blood types, and pre-princess scullery maid songs word for word.

-You begin a conversation, "you'll never believe what was on Blue's Clue's the other day".

-You can assemble and disassemble a pack n play in NASCAR fashion under 1 minute.

-You've can similarly in the aforementioned fashion, unfold the stroller one-handed while talking on the cell phone and grabbing one of the children darting into the parking lot with your right foot/leg.

-Saying either "I'm warning you" or "last chance", becomes as complacent as "hello".

-You master "the look".

-You actually wear the old nursing bra if you're behind on laundry.

-Will purposely drive aimlessly in the car if the kids fall asleep, so they won't wake up.

-Say, "oh poopey" when someone cuts in front of you in traffic.

-You actually get more accomplished when kids come over for a play date.

-Realize you've been singing along to Wheels on the Bus CD for 5 minutes in the car, and notice the kids aren't in the car with you. (Must have been one of those rare times on the way to the grocery store alone.)

-You have or are experiencing the following side effects: loss of sleep, irritability, frequent memory lapse, impaired judgement without appropriate caffeine intake, super human ability to multi-task, loss of romance in relationship, frequency of ponytail and jammy wearability, feel everlasting unconditional love, find renewed faith in the fact that miracles do exist and happen daily, and lastly discover the secret to life simply by looking into your child's eyes.



  1. But then it's over...teenage years...young adulthood....and you miss every single minute of it and would do it all over again if you could.
    Here's to mommyhood.


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