September 09, 2009

Bye soon?

Today Audrey had her first day of 4 year old preschool. I think I was just as excited as she was. I always loved the first day of school. The nervous anticipation, crisp new clothes, nice white sneakers and unblemished loafers. New teachers and new haircuts and another year older, wiser, cooler?

I'm preparing myself for the first day of kindergarten, I think I'll need to heavily medicate myself so I'm not a blubbering mess. But dropping my daughter off at school today was such a catch 22. I was so proud of her, courageously walking into the classroom and greeting her teacher and classmates. Embracing the old, and meeting the new. She was confident and carefree and I loved that she was my daughter. I felt so much pride at that moment. And then...moments later, after the camera flashes and the excitement settling it was time for me to leave. And I didn't want to go. Knowing she would be fine, I just felt like I could sit there and watch her until 11:30 rolled around. Her whole 4 years flashed within moments and I felt her soft newborn skin to her first step, tooth and word. How did I get here so quickly? How did she grow up so fast? I hate to admit this selfishness inside of me wanted her to run to me, beg me to stay and never let go. When our babes are so little, they need us at almost every moment, and then slowly, day by day, they grow more independent from us. And she's only four, I've still got a lifetime to go.

I just love that little girl and am so proud. I love watching her become who she is to be.


  1. They did grow up fast...seems like just yesterday we were in birthing class watching scary videos and suckin' on lifesavers. But it is hard to watch them do so well with their independence. But don't worry, she still needs her mama :)

  2. Again I am left in tears. How can you write so beautifully of your own experiences and touch me so deeply as if they were my own? You have a beautiful gift. Thank you for putting your thoughts into words and sharing.

    Congrats to Audrey as she has taken the most meaningful first step into education.
    No one can take our knowledge away from us. It just grows and grows. What will she become? I'm so anxious to hear your stories of the journey.

  3. These are just one of those days that we won't forget. Great post. Keep up the good postings. Good luck on all your endeavors. By the way, these free gift cards might interest you too. Have a blessed day!

  4. Hi Cari, I just started following your blog. I'm a mom of an autistic child, too. I do hope you will post again soon...


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