May 17, 2010

Nanny 911

"The phrase 'working mother' is redundant."
— Jane Sellman

I have been fortunate to be a Stay at home Mom for a bit over 5 years now, so blessed! I have worked part time to keep my sanity fortunately, although I use the word "sanity" loosely.   But now here I go, I'm jumping in feet first and going back to work full time. I was just telling my Mom tonight, when you surround yourself with good people and live positively, all will come full circle. Things are falling right into place, exactly the way they are meant to be. Since the divorce was finalized I have felt such a weight lifted. I feel like I can breathe again! I put my future in the hands of the universe/God and just trusted that it/He would lead me where I need to be; it seems like when I take charge and make decisions something goes awry. So a job presented itself that I love and can be flexible so I can still take Gabe to therapy, a too good to be true Nanny became available and recommended and a new home is in our not too distant future. Blessings are just pouring down on my family! I'm trying so hard not to look too far into the future and plan it all out, a fatal flaw of mine, but rather I'm attempting to allow life to present itself in the beautiful way it can unfold the perfect answer, the small miracle, or the life changing path on my journey. The letting go is SO freeing. I let go of guilt, let go of not good enough, let go of failure, let go of negativity and the negative people around me whispering in my ear. When you let go, when I let go, I don't feel that pull in 100 directions, only a serenity by the path I am on; it doesn't mean I'm not cognizant of my surroundings I just don't see the end of the path, so there could be twists, turns and mountains to behold. Now I'm looking forward to going back to work full time, and feel safe in leaving my kids while I'm away. They need the break as much as I do. Funny that work is a break, but let's be real here, for all of you who stay at home full time, working is like a freaking vacation. Now my kids will have someone who can give 100 percent of their attention to them, they'll be in heaven. My time won't have to be split between chores, paperwork, errands, therapies, and playtime. I feel strongly that I can balance all of this now. I couldn't have said that a few months ago, but all of my hard work is paying off.  All the seeds sown by sleepless nights of paperwork and Internet searching are now growing to fruition. This last year, I knew this day would come so I try to cherish all the little moments, I tried to engrave in my memory the small size of my children's hands, their chubby cheeks, goofy laughs and funny moments. It's already gone by too fast, and now that the wheel is turning, it only speeds up as time moves along. Those days that seemed like an eternity and I couldn't wait for bedtime now are only a minute glimpse of a week, a month, a year gone by. So here I go, there's no stopping me now, and I'm overjoyed at all the new possibilities life has in store.

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