August 23, 2010

When I Grow Up....

When I grow up, I'm going to be a ________.  What did you want to be when you grew up?  This is something that changes with my 5 year old on a daily basis.  You never know what you'll hear come out of her sweet little mouth...astronaut, veterinarian, singer, mommy, police officer, etc.  Just the other day, her and her partner in crime, a.k.a her cousin, decided they would start a rock band.  The drama queen would be the singer (naturally), cousin would play the drums (apparently because you don't have to read as many notes as the guitar) and I my friends was asked to join the band too...because I'm cool like that.  I, get to play the bass guitar, that's my assigned instrument by the way, oh, and I have no clue how to play bass guitar; I took a bit of piano and played the flute for a few years.  (Jazz flute ala Anchorman maybe, hee hee)  Back to "the band" who shall be named "Broccoli", because they both love to eat it.  After said name being decided, the planning had begun of all the broccoli decor and merchandise, and my broccoli costume I'd have to wear, because again, I'm cool like that.  Just let me keep thinking it okay, I like my fantasy land.  So you can all say you knew me when, when Broccoli hits the big time!  In honor of the Band Broccoli, or band to be, I've had the SNL Dana Carvey Choppin' Broccoli song in my head, so I HAD to post it before I continue on....

So back to it.  What did I want to be when I grew up?  Only 3 things ever.  A Mom, I've always wanted that.  I loved my baby dolls obsessively, and used to want 5 kids; scaled it down a bit, but I'm livin' the dream baby!

For the majority of my life I wanted to be a teacher.  Besides playing "mommy", I used to play school.  I had a classroom, decor, report cards, tests, and my sister always played the part of the mean principal, she reminded me of Ms. Hannigan (Carol Burnett) in the Annie movie.  Highly entertaining.  Suppose I've always been pretty nurturing.  I think most of that comes with birth order, being the oldest.  I still have people who say I should be a teacher, many actually. And in a way I am. I teach classes at the store I work in, and I do enjoy it.  I don't think I would actually have the courage to be a school teacher these days, underpaid, under-appreciated, and it would consume me. 

As I grew up and entered middle school, probably about 7th grade, things changed.  I had bigger goals, pediatrician.  Dead serious too.  I was so sold on the pediatrician idea, that I studied very hard, and mapped out my high school credits to allow me to be optimally prepared.  I took Latin, and studied my butt off; I even tested out of college Latin and got my credits, lots of good that did me now.  I was in HOSA and other Health Occupation clubs and so on.  But somewhere, um, err, about Senior year of high school, my plan fell apart, mostly because I did.  I was no run of the mill rebel, we're talking big time here.  There was a lot of turmoil in my home life too, and my self-esteem plummeted, and I didn't think I could do it anymore, nor did I care. 

When I did get to college, I had NO idea what I wanted to do with my life.  I was just happy to be on my own.  I followed up my 4.0 Mixology degree by flunking out of the school of life, for awhile.  I was a mess.  That is another 20 posts for another time.

So here I am, not a teacher, not a pediatrician, I work in the retail world and I love it.  I get to create, and work with some fabulous people whom I love, and I don't have to wipe snot or teach math; at least at my day job.  But then on the flip side, I am a Mom.  I care for my children when they are ill, I chart and keep tabs on their developmental progress, I teach and nurture them.  Being a mom is being a teacher and pediatrician, and so many other things wrapped up in one 3 letter word.

Life sure hasn't mapped out the way I had planned it.  But then, when it comes to my judgement, I don't seem to have the best track record.  So maybe in that case I'll keep it in God's hands, since he seems to know what he is doing far better than I.  I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up besides these....kind, full of love, a good mom, a faithful Christian, a dreamer, a believer, an optimist.

What did you want to be when you grew up?  Are you?

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