Once Upon A Time...I had everything planned out pretty much up to the time I would be 75, then I felt fate, or life, could have it's way with me. Well, we can see how that turned out. Sure life would have surprises, I could handle that, besides, it would get boring if not. But "surprises" like oh the dog ripping the sofa cushions or a dent in the garage door would've sufficed. I could've even weathered a job change or a move. Doesn't God just always step on in and let us know we are not in control? Why does he have to be so good like that? I suppose he tried to whisper a hint or two in my ear, "trust your gut", "somethings just not right", "another lie". But stubborn me, just wouldn't listen, I was comfortable in my suburban oblivion. I suppose it would've taken nothing short of physical, mental, and emotionally upheaval to snap me out of it. (Over and over again). Did I mention I am stubborn?
So here I sit, two years in looking back at my so called life. Wondering what was real, what was truth, what a fool I was and now knowing how brave I am. Often times I was feeling that I was on this roller coaster without a seat belt or safety bar, and all I could do was try to figure out how I would save myself from falling out, when what I should have been doing was holding on for the ride of a lifetime, thrilling and scary, and trusting that God would catch me should I fall. And he did every time.
My journey has been one of self-discovery, humility, patience and sacrifice. And surely I've only scratched the surface. I know someday, everything will become clear. I am blessed to feel grounded, in my place, in myself, in my parenting, and in my faith. Finally, I feel that I have purged all the negative energies and people that were pulling me in the wrong direction.
My hope is that each day's blessings can wash over me and renew my spirit and fill my heart. I'm looking forward to a wonderful new year, despite the snow and 9 below, despite ex-husbands and outrageous gas prices, despite the people who said "you can't", but I did.