Stop the presses...sticky situation ahead, and averted. I read a fantastic saying the other day that I had to share, "I'm not going to waste my pretty on you". Today I put that into action. The last several months I have been dating, one gentleman in particular. And let me say, a nice night out, having a great meal (sans chicken nuggets or fish sticks), fantastic (uninterrupted) conversation, and being the center of attention can do wonders for the self-esteem. As nerve racking as it was to get back out there, I was brave, maybe even fearless...and did it.
And then today I had a revelation. I'm kinda wasting my pretty on this guy, so to speak. He is charming, and smart, and very handsome. We have so much in common and laugh and really enjoy each other's company. However, no spark. You can't will a spark. I just had to get real with my now "officially in my mid-thirties" self, and say, what am I waiting for? Also he has no children, and isn't sure he wants any of his own, but....he loves kids. What does that mean exactly? Don't think I'll stick around to find out, and from our conversations he's just scared. But it's not my purpose in life to bring him over to the other side where parenting is a privilege and the best thing I've ever done or will do for that matter.
Being older and wiser I know I can't change people, and wouldn't change anything about him, I almost feel like we're so much better off as friends. My younger self would’ve probably kept on going wondering if something might materialize; but I'm no spring chicken! I mean I'm not at death's door or anything, but I have to wield what I have to work with here...and that's limited! Naturally my shiny personality is always top of the list, and that I won't lose, but gravity and metabolism are working against me at a frantic pace! It also doesn't help that I've pushed out two 8 pound watermelons with arms and legs and therefore my "temple" shall henceforth be named, "the ruins". (Sidebar...Worth it, worth it, worth it, and sorry for the graphics)
The Pursuit of Happyness was on television the other night, which I tried not to watch in its entirety because I turn into a big bawl bag [bawl bag-n. cry baby, courtesy of The Notebook, which is also on some channel every night of the week]. Okay back on task, I love when the main character in the Pursuit has named different chapters of his life, i.e. being stupid or happiness. So this chapter of my life is called, JOY. I am so at peace, with myself, with my children, with my direction. It feels good. Sometimes it's scary to close a door because we might feel lost or empty; but in my experience there is always a new opportunity presenting itself around the corner. As long as I remain open to that, my life will remain joyful. I can manage my life and feel happy and grounded.
I'm proud of myself for getting back out there. I had a lot of fun the last couple of months, and got back in touch with my pretty.