April 15, 2011

Itsy Bitsy Spider

Courtesy of Flickr
Instead of gracing you with a post on why Cursive writing may become obsolete in our schools, I will rather indulge some highly scientific Arachnid speak. This morning I discovered four spider bites on my thigh. My only hope is that during said spider’s feast, it sucked out some cellulite as well. Ha ha, joke’s on you spider, now you’re just hopped up on high fructose corn syrup and caffeine. I am watching closely for any rash or purple vein-y type reactions. However should my spidey sense kick in, I may have to stop blogging to go save Metropolis {wait}. I draw the line at spandex head to toe, not a flattering look for me. On the other hand, I might be six feet under from Black Widow, Brown Recluse, or tarantulan creeper venom, the internet is a scary place to diagnose one’s self.

While I am waiting to see if I lose feeling in my left leg, I’m going to share my chilling spider story. I was 13 years old, babysitting, kids are eating dinner. All is going swimmingly until I spot a biggish black spider running across the kitchen floor. When it comes to bugs, I have the killer instinct; I’d like to tell you that I catch and release, but no. Not very eco-friendly of me but I’m sure the Earth won’t fall off its axis or anything. Killer instinct kicks in; I hurriedly scan the room for a weapon of destruction. I spy the Dad’s shoe, that’ll do. Whap! She isn’t phased and is still crawling…again, whap!

Close your eyes, the horror, 100 baby spiders {totally not exaggerating} scatter to all points of the room. It was like the movie Arachnophobia without the glowing green eyes. The kids were screaming, I was screaming, and I think I heard Mama Spider shrieking as she died. I was frantically killing as many baby spiders as I could with Dad’s shoe, and was mortified because I was barefoot! I had left my flip flops at the door. Really, I'm surprised this didn't scar me for life.  I cleaned up the spider graveyard kitchen floor, it wasn’t pretty. Neither was Dad’s shoe {gooey}. Sixty escaped babies were probably regrouping in the attic plotting their revenge on me.

I never babysat at “spider house” again. And, that poor family may have been black balled by my insect fearing babysitting cohorts. Sorry spider house family.

Wish me luck, I’m going to apply some more Antihistamine and call the nurse line.

When it comes to bugs, do you have the killer instinct?


  1. Hi Cari

    When it comes to bugs, do I have the killer instinct?

    YES!!! Get them before they get me or my grandkids is my motto.

    Especially Black Widows. We have to deal with them every summer.


  2. That spider story is BAD! But I have a similar story. When I was a kid, my mom was killing a snake in the backyard with a hoe. After a whack or two with the hoe, a whole bunch of baby garter snakes slithered out of the dead snake in every direction. I'm sure I was standing far back (with my huge phobia of snakes), but it was still way too creepy.

  3. Luckily, there are no Black Widows in our area, so it was probably the one I have pictured above. Snakes terrify me! That is scary! I have a few bad snake stories too. No babies ones though.

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  5. No bug stories to share, but we did have a pack of fluffy raccoons from hell attack on a camping trip growing up. My sister's room in the tent housed a bulk-pack of gooey Toll House cookies. Raccoons circled like sharks and chewed a hole in the tent to fetch treats with their scratchy claws. Dad awoke, dressed in only cowboy boots and tighty whities, proceeded to stomp and yell and throw the cookies away from the tent. The 'coons grabbed the cookies and skedattled. Years later, bad memories still surface if my sister is exposed to Toll House cookies.

  6. I can't STAND spiders. I know the eat other bugs and all but nope. Can't do it. And the scattering thing. I will have nightmares now.

  7. Thanks everyone for the stories! It almost makes me want to swear off the outdoors. I also saw a dead raccoon on the side of the road today, not a whole lot of sympathy I have to say. I think I'm going to survive the bites, however, I am going to hunt down the nest or web...very soon.

  8. O.M.GEEEEEE. That is some nasty shit. Excuse the french but GAH! I am surprised you don't have huge bags under your eyes because I would never be able to sleep after that. The horror! My weirdest experience was when this kid was freaking because a "ghost was coming out of a vent" and then weird things started happening (you know, the noises and what not. I'm sure it was my mind, but for that moment in time it wasn't. LOL.

    I agree, google and WebMD can be bad for us moms. Especially when our kiddos have Autism... who knows what Caydon would be dying from (supposedly, thank God!) if I listened to the net. Although our newest suspicion that was thrown at us from our neurologist was Mild Cerebral Palsy. UHHHHH. Ok, mr neurologist. Lay off the internet and stop scaring moms!!

    Hope you're having a fantastic week, you deserve it! <3

  9. Kelsi what? I'm emailing you ASAP tomorrow, that is scary. Is this a pediatric neurologist? Second opinion Mama. We'll chat.

  10. *Shivers* Ugh, I hate hate hate spiders, did I say hate already? I am terrified of the stupid things, and I will beat one into dust. I guess I am not very eco-friendly either. My mom tells me, they are small, and the eat the other bugs. Get a bug zapper....I see them, I kill them. I would never have set foot in the spidey house again either, ever. Lol Hope you and your littles have a wonderful Easter!!

  11. Well, I am finally getting around to reading this post and I am all creeped out and have the heebie jeebies AND the willies! (sticking out tongue and shaking hands while wildly hopping around) Yes, I am a wuss. I admit it. You should be amazed that I even read the post in the first place when I saw that creepy spider picture. I had to try to avert my eyes all while attempting to skim the first paragraph in record time. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

    When I was a teenager I once sacrificed my friend to a man-eating ninja spider in my kitchen. I made her be the hunter and I was the cowering, almost screaming girl in the corner trying not to watch. Thank God my husband kills the spiders for me now. See, I told you. Total wuss. That's me!

    -Angela (aka Caffeinated Autism Mom)


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