May 20, 2011

Don't Let Your Kids Play on Train Tracks

Would you seriously have clicked on this post if you knew it was about Flat Stanley?  {I wouldn't, zzzz}  If you don't know who Flat Stanley is, click here, {it's very educational}because this post is going to be outrageously long and hopefully include photos, if blogger allows, so I don't feel like explaining it all.  So there.  It had stopped raining for about two minutes around these parts, and the kids and I scurried outside to get some much needed solar Vitamin D, and well, they were driving me crazy.  I am nothing if not brutally honest friends.  So Flat Stanley came to us here in the big city from our Kindergarten age cousin in Wisconsin.  I decided the best and most efficient use of our time would be to jump on the train and snap photos along the way.  {Not an easy task wrangling these two by train tracks and trying to take pictures, they're we're lucky to be alive, that's all I'm saying.}

So, we very well couldn't have sent Stanley home without hitting up the Mall of America, shudder.  Well actually I very well could have.  We spent 27.4 minutes {who's counting} at the MOA.  It was our first stop because well I'm not an idiot; the kids had just eaten, and were full of energy.  I don't do whiny, sluggish kids at a Mega mall, not a good combination.

I let my Kindergartner take the lead, because let's face it, what I consider cool, and she considers cool are two totally different things.  Naturally we landed at American Girl, and Stanley posed for photo op with Girl, Julie {Stanley was aghast at the outrageous prices}.  I'm not going to post that one, because for all I know it is illegal, copyrighted, blah, blah, blah, and I will then be facing some enormous lawsuit from the Multi-Million dollar monster that is American Girl.  {It felt very wrong to be snapping pictures in that store, I was waiting to be jumped by armed guards and taken in for questioning.  Therefore, going with the gut, no posty the pic.}  Oh and I deny everything.

Lo and behold, we landed at Nickelodeon Universe.   I told the kids they could take Stanley on one ride.  I was pushing for the carousel, but was out voted and outnumbered.  They opted for the Swiper Sweeper.  Looks innocent and fun, until it whips you around the corner {this is the fun part} The Swiper Sweeper is a $3 ride that will cost you $300 dollars in chiropractic fees from whiplash.  It is brutal, no lie; I'd rather get my upper lip threaded!  Did I mention am the dutiful chaperone to my under 42 inch-er boy as well?  No?  Well yes, lucky me.  But God was shining down on me that day, because the sweet, sweet ride operator, Violet, let the 6 year old chaperone, and saved me 300 dollars.  I may have slid her a 10 spot, guess you'll never know, but I heart her nonetheless; sweet, kind, 10 dollars richer Violet.

After whiplash, we were off, a quick stop by the indoor shark tank, and back to the train.  Stanley begged for Cinnabon, Build-A-Bear and Margaritas, but I did not give in.

Our next stop was the Falls, a nice little piece of heaven right outside the city.  Of course the highlight of our hike was the waterfall, but you'd never know according to Drama Queen's account of the adventures of the day.  The most important facts being that we met 5 Chihuahuas, 1 poodle, 1 "nice" pit bull, and a cute scraggly mutt dog.  My daughter had to speak to each dog and owner to record exact pedigree, name, date of birth and blood type.  You would've thought she was judging for the Westminster dog show.  Meanwhile, the boy could be found climbing up my leg {terrified of dogs} or playing with a stick in the mud. We collectively decided as a family that if we ever get a cat, which we won't, we will name him Senor Peebles for a boy or Princess Torrin for a girl.  But, we will never get a cat, I'm not into crushing hopes and dreams, so for now I'm going with it.  But yeah, no cat.  Ever.  I might take it into consideration should we be over run with rodents of some sort, but the plague would probably get to me first anyhow.

We washed off the mud, only to then get muddier, heard musicians, saw a wedding, and headed back to the train.  I had planned to make a few more stops in the city...until....we stepped back onto a full capacity train, baseball game crowd.  Mama did not do her homework.  Okay kids, time for ice cream!  Luckily drunk, disgruntled baseball fans are enamored with bubbly Kindergartners.
After our ice cream, we walked to Drama Queen's school to snap a pic of Stanley in the Kindergartner's tulip bed. {The pic will not load, crabby factor climbing} I'd like to say we played at the park until dusk, but no, per the norm, only until of the two had to go to the bathroom.  That's about 2 swings, 4 slides, and a rock wall climb. 

So now we send Stanley back to the Dairy Land, where he can eat cheese curds and drink Pabst Blue Ribbon to his heart's content.  P. S. I offer my apologies for Stanley's ripped off right arm, the crunchiness from the water spill, and the food splatter of some kind.  All said and done, it was a fantastic day, and the kid's went to bed early, and that just the icing.

I am also now I'm swearing off blogging with photos, because it takes to long...and let's face it, my posts take 15 minutes tops {I know, totally obvious} and this has eaten a good hour out of my day, and I'm crabby about that {I could've been Tweeting or sleeping}.  Just thought you'd like to know.  I'm also turning off the auto-correct.


  1. Good stuff. I can totally relate to a lot of it. How about check me out sometime when you have a minute.



  2. This sounds like a great day! The pictures are wonderful! I know that Blogger can be a challenge at times. :) I can't wait for some sun around here. It has been cloudy and raining a lot. You are such a great mommy. It looks like you and your children had a fun time! have a great day!

    Mama Hen

  3. I'm a cheapskate or frugal, your pick. When we visit the American Girl store, my daughter goes around collecting a huge stack of those free doll cards. Plays with them in the car ride home for hours, probably holds her interest better than a $120 China-crafted dolly. Picked her up a Target-knockoff doll for her birthday, it has a receding hairline and overbite...not quite the same as the real thing, but she doesn't seem to notice.

  4. I knew your pic looked familiar. How embarrassing! lol At least, it's not because I met you in a bar. hahaha


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