May 03, 2011

Lessons From the Couch: Part I

                                        

Don't let the title fool you, no frisky business here, get it out of your system. My little blurb in my post Hippy Blogger seems to have stirred some commentary in regards to my mental health
Who journals?
Therapist's view on blogging. Being that "blogging isn't journaling", says she. Well, I'm printing out all those comments and taking them in to say, "HA", thanks fellow bloggers for having my back. Fact of the matter is I do not go to therapy anymore on a regular basis, I graduated. I am not ashamed of the fact that I went to therapy for a solid year after my separation and inevitable divorce. Add in the monthly chats with my pastor and all of my blogging, and I was on the fast track to healing baby! So on that note, I've decided to pass on a little nibble or two that cost me thousands of dollars, so I can justify it all. Part one will discuss the benefits from therapy, and part two the damages.

Being left to my own devices to internalize my marital breakdown {cuckoo}, I sprang to action, flipped open the yellow pages to procure the services of a very patient, very like minded therapist. I needed someone who would tell me everything was going to be okay, and tell me to do X, Y, and Z to fix my life right up. Picked wrong. Therapist's favorite line was, "if you want me to tell you what to do, I'm not". What good are you then? I was thinking I made a tragic mistake here. I'm fairly certain her glasses are those X-ray vision kind that see directly into your soul {it burns} so you can't hide anything. Despite my best efforts she'd go all Barbara Walters on me and I'd become a blathering idiot in about 5 minutes flat. Never stood a chance. She also must have also had a supersonic hearing device that translates blathering. She was good. {Sigh}

This is how a basic session would go: I'd say okay...I've been thinking {she raises eyebrow} and praying {nods head approvingly} and here's what I'm going to do {followed by a series of umhums and uhuh, and how it made me feel} then me grimacing and feeling squirmy-like. Basically I thought I had it all figured out, would breakdown, breakthrough, and come out 10xs stronger. I have to admit I yearned for her unbiased opinion. All I could hear from all sides was anger and rage against my ex and what I should do to get even move on. Getting even is not my style {but don't cross me, I can be very dangerous and I'm scary strong, like WWE style strong, just sayin', for the record}.


So a few nuggets, here you go {can't tell you how though, you'll have to pull out your own wallet for that}.....


*I learned how to quiet myself and not react.


*I learned God will lead me if I let him.


*I learned I write to heal-even those I use humor as a "coping mechanism" and write about crap. {Apparently it doesn't count as "journaling" unless you talk about feelings and stuff, I am rolling my eyes, you?}


*I learned that I do not have OCD, ADD or PMDD, although I am was convinced of such.


*I learned there will never be a sufficient answer to my question, "why?" no matter what answer is given.


*I learned Therapist keeps chocolate in her desk drawer.


*I learned I can eat chocolate and sob simultaneously, i.e. sobbing: tears mixing with dripping nose while doing that hyperventilating thing.


*I learned I'm pretty normal {humph, who da' thunk, milestone session}


*I learned to trust again, because if I don't something extraordinary will pass me by, and who am I to turn my back when God is handing out extraordinarys?  Not me!


*I learned my life isn't over. The door to my old life is closed {I like to refer to said door as the cellar door, where I left my ex, allegedly} and a new door to a new beginning is opening {walk-in closet, eeeee!}

*I learned that even though I said, "I know it's not my fault", I didn't believe it, but now I do.


*I learned to take credit for being a good Mom. Hear that America? A licensed professional said it; I should've gotten it in writing before I was escorted out.


Finally after all my lessons were on the books {cha-ching}, the worst thing I could come up to talk about in my session was how someone stole my parking spot at Wal-mart and how bitter I was about it. "What do you think this means?" I would say. And she'd call security {again} and tell me to let go of her leg.


Part II includes a shocking reveal that resonates in almost every decision I make as far as my kids are concerned. So next...the damages.

So before this bad boy hits its scheduled time on the internet, I had to come in to take care of a little business.  Seems as though I've been thrown into the popularity contest pool of Single Parent Bloggers at Circle of Moms Top 25 Single Parent Blogs.  I do not know how my blog even got posted here, so in the spirit of blog love, again, I will play along.  You can vote once a day for me or any other worthy single parent's blog until mid May-ish something-th.  I will post the little pink button on my blog too incase you have nothing better to do than vote for me once a day.   I am not one to beg, or grovel, or plead, and I only pay out cash for compliments {and I'm saving my money for when my metabolism completely dies, so don't even try}.  That being said, whatever my placement is on the list over there, my crappy content will remain the same...crappy.  Okay, resume whatever it was you were doing, or read some more; thanks for reading or voting {cyber hug}.
Cari

7 comments:

  1. I love how honest you are... it is lovely and made me teary eyed. One thing you didn't say was that you are really strong. Going to vote for you now.

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  2. It is the best policy they say...I'm WWE strong like that too:)

    Thanks Nessa!

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  3. Well if I'd have known chocolate was involved I'd have signed on a long time ago. Seriously though...it's so great that it worked so well for you. Looking forward to reading more...and now I'll go vote :)

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  4. Wonderful post! Your list shows that you have gained confidence and have learned that you have such strength within you to move forward. And when you don't have that strength you know you can turn to God to help carry you. Life has its ups and downs and we all need to fimd a way to help us through them. You made sure you were able to heal. So many people just sit in their troubles and do not seek the help they need to move on. I am happy that you are doing well. I hope you have a great day my friend!

    Mama Hen

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