July 05, 2011

Avenged...At Last

I've made it public knowledge that I'm a bit scatter-brained, even perhaps forgetful at times. But in my defense, I have a lot going on. Huh, what's that? I've used that excuse one hundred million times  already? Well I'm not too concerned...much. Okay, sometimes I'm concerned; I should probably get it checked out or get some sort of scan or something. Maybe the "tumor" would also explain the moronic things that spew out of my mouth, uncontrollably. Thank goodness there would be an explanation for that! {Not saying that tumors are good by any means, very bad, bad, bad; not making light of my pseudo-tumor or real tumors, see what I'm saying...spewing...}

So as not to make this post anymore excruciating than it already will be I'm sure; I'll make this snappy. Morning routine goes something like this most days: I drop Drama Queen off at daycare, promptly travel over the river and through the woods, across the border, get through customs and arrive at my son's school. He attends a little thing I like to call, "preschool-ish program with typical peers and respite" {technical term there} before Autism Day Treatment in the afternoon.

 Thursday last, last {meaning two Thursdays ago- hang in there people}, we were running late, shocker...check it out in case you missed this, I'm a mess. I had all fifteen bags packed, lunches made, lovies in hand, swimming attire, sunscreen, too big mom bag, whatever permission slips,  waivers and checks I forgot yesterday and MUST bring today, and was carrying it all to the car with my hands, teeth and atop my head. As we reach the car, I notice the little dude doesn't have any shoes on. {Note, I did put them on him once, sneaky} "Where are your shoes?"  Yes of course, "I dunno."  I throw all the crap in the car and go back and unlock Ft. Knox and disarm alarms and junk, run all over to find the shoes, re-arm Ft. Knox and then search for escapee child now teetering dangerously close to the woods, barefoot. I'm seriously going to lose him one day, I kid you not. He's faster than me. {I need more cardio}.

So we get to the boy's school a mere 5 minutes later than usual, not too shabby if I do say so myself. Usually, this would not be a big deal, in fact, that's five less minutes of $14 dollars an hour I pay these people. Kids can arrive anywhere from 8-10am. Except this day. Note left on the white board reads:

 "8:15-11:30 gone on field trip to park far, far away, by bus, sorry suckers"
{Insert maniacal laugh if you please, I did}
toy or weapon?
I could have pitched a fit at this point. I could've chucked a plastic toy cow right into the tissue paper flower garden. But no, not my style really...today at least...or ever...for real...I mean that. How in God's name did I forget there was a field trip? No time to beat myself up about this, I have bigger cows to toss. The boy is not going to take kindly to packing up and getting back into the car. This means routine equals squelched. Not good people. Workable, but not good in situations where a Mommy has to figure some stuff out in a jiffy.

I resorted to bribery using snacks as a diversionary tactic, so I could make some phone calls without screaming in the background. So the meltdown was shorter than it would have been without Skittles. No judging. Desperate times call for Skittles. {Always on hand, in the Mom bag, I'm forgetful, but no fool.}

 I promptly call into work with my usual, "Hi it's me, I'm a complete dumbass line, and guess what I did now?” I can only imagine this will not work much longer. But I reassure them I will be there as soon as I can, very unspecific about when soon may be. They love me, I'm telling you...only because they love me is why I am still employed. And because I do something brilliant once in a while and save my self for another day.

I begin on the quest to find someone to watch my kid, then take my kid over the river and through...you know the rest, for the afternoon. I started at "A" in my contacts list, and by the time I got to "X", I pretty much decided everyone was ignoring my calls. By this point I may as well suck it up, and head home.

They boy and I pulled back into home sweet home, and only then when I was finally relaxing did it start to bug me. How the heck did I forget this field trip? Usually field trips make me anxious and squirmy, if I lose my kid that's one thing, but if someone else does, that's another. I know there is an Amber Alert in my future, sad, but true. And it will be due to the fact that I blinked basically. Now I think maybe I should call the doctor, maybe add some more supplements to my vitamin regimen. This is bad, what's next, I forget to pick up my kids? I should take some action here; it is affecting my job, not good, not good at all.

 We arrive back at school at 11:30 and wait for the class to return. When the teachers arrive in the classroom, I greet them with my head hanging saying, "Hi I'm the Mom of the Year...we missed you by 5 minutes." I was about to add the words, "I forgot", but was interrupted by one of the teachers who chimes, "Oh my gosh, Cari, we forgot to tell you...we switched the field trip for next week to TODAY." Sorry and stuff in there too, I only imagine from the numerous times she apologized I must have had my lips curled and had squinted eyes, maybe teeth clenching. {More than normal}

I could've been mad. I could've really thrown a temper tantrum. But she forgot, bless her heart.  Guess who else does that...all.the.time? Yeah, me. Lesson learned big guy.

On the bright and glorious side of the story, I may have actually been skipping out of the school building. And would you like to know why? Oh, hah, no insurance didn't change their mind and we didn't qualify for the fantastic scholarship to that school, you're so funny. No, I was relieved, because for once, I did not forget.

Avenged my friends. Brain intact. For that day at least.  I will remember it always.
What was I saying?


  1. I don't know how you do it. I'm beat just reading about it. I don't know how I ever did it. I'm beat just thinking about it. We must have good brains!

  2. I love this post! I forget everything and everything which is why I am always late. Good to know that I'm not the only one. Have I ever told you what an awesome mommy and blogger you are? You are...ya know.

  3. I am amazed that you didn't chuck the cow at her head and then skip out! You are AMAZING!! I never carry goodies like skittles and would have been an absolute mess had that happened to me.

  4. @Starthrower-We just do I guess...I'm not sure what will happen when my brain is not in survival mode anymore, scary thought! I may be committed. I will S.O.S you from the clink and you can break me out, or mail me a nail file or something.

    @Christina-Thank you for the admission, good to know I am not alone:) And ditto, my friend, you're making me blush...keep it up! I'll remind you about Bingo when we're 70 if you remind me...or if you don't have a hot date!

    @Nessa-Yes, I know right, I have beyond amazing self-control...where cow chucking is concerned anyway. Besides, his teacher is so darn nice. The skittles are a learned skill, too many skittle-less days for me EVER to forget that again.

  5. This should make you feel better. Once, I forgot my daughter's underwear. She had a bad habit of not putting them back on after she went potty. And this was one of those times. And yes, she wore a dress that day. That was a real gem of a phone call from the school.

    I can't believe the teachers would do something like that, but then again, a great lesson in the imperfection of humanity. We are all the same and we need to remember that more, especially we mamas who tend to beat ourselves up rather easily.


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