August 15, 2011

Pass the Kleenex...

I'm so sad people. This post won't be thrilling, but high in cute factor. I also have to hurry up so my tears don't make my keyboard malfunction or something. Just kidding, I'm not crying...anymore. I have had the best 2 weeks. Why? Lottery winning? No. Liquor store gift card? Nope. Insurance Almighty decided they are powerless against me and said, "Alright you win"? Not a chance in hell.

My boys were in town. Meaning my two adorable nephews from California. Oh, yes and my sister and BFF, who I did way too much happy emotional eating with. I've doubled up on my exercise regimen to work off the shortcake...she watches as she's on vacation. Humph. They were here for 2 weeks and left today; I'm in denial and will not acknowledge that they are gone, well, I suppose it became a reality when they had to remove me from my sister's leg by force. They moved from Minnesota to California in March, so it hasn't been long, but too long, ya know? We Skype and text and e-mail and Facebook, but there is nothing like being able to put your arms around your boys, and sister, oh yeah, bull-riding brother-in-law too. I make those boys hug me, I chase them down in fact, they aren't super huggy, but I really don't give them options in this area. I try really hard not to pinch their cute little chubby cheeks and give them a quarter. I've warned you I'm a 60 year old lady in a gorgeous 30-something-something year old body.
I'll do a quick introduction:

The Twins.
They made each other a Build-A-Bear.Or
Build-A-T-Rex and Darth Saber {Saber
Tooth Tiger under the Vader mask.}  They
are both obsessed with stuffed animals,
 and Lord knows we needed more!

These are the twins. Spike {looks a Spike, mean and gnarly isn't he? Don't cross him, he bites.} and Drama Queen. No, not biological twins, but they are a phenomenon. Spike and the Drama Queen are only 3 weeks apart. They've been BFFs since birth. They can go days without getting sick of each other, never fight, read each other's mind, and have their own language. They are also freakishly protective of each other.  I have to admit, as cute as it is, it's a little creepy. When they Skype, everyone has to leave the room and all you hear is crazy laughter for a good hour. I suppose it's in the genes; once my sister and I took a 33 hour road-trip and I kid you not, we never listened to the radio once or had a moment of silence. What? You are surprised?

{Hold on, I'm having a moment. The twins are very dear to my heart, they might be my favorites, but I don't have favorites. But if I did, this would be the reason: I was pregnant with twins my first pregnancy, it wasn't meant to be, and I lost them. Tough things like that make you cherish what you have even more, and make me feel all the more grateful. Besides, if I would've had twins, that might have been all she wrote and no more babies for me, probably not, but maybe; and then I never would've had my favorite son, and I know that I was meant to be that kid's Mom from the deepest part of my heart. So this way, I still have twins, and what's even lovelier is that my sister gets one and I get one, and that feels right.}
The Entertainer, Drama Queen, Spike, & the Boy

Then there's the Entertainer, tallest kid pictured above {see what happens when I say smile} the resident smarty {seriously brilliant, somewhere in that grayish area of serial killer and finding the cure for cancer smart}, and he's Mini-me to his Dad. Brother, I know you're reading, yes, I said it, you're not serial killer-ish though, well neither is he, I should totally take that out.  Yep, I'll defintely take that out.  He could just pull it off is what I'm saying, no killing tendancies though.

Entertainer is also my workout buddy. He does a killer tree-pose for a 9 year old, and could pretty much hang with me during my cardio sessions too. He's very sassy; this is why I think we get along, that and the fact that he is family. Here are a few of his best moments this week:

I decided to do a little Jillian Michaels one morning, I really don't like her, just sayin', this is what the entertainer spouts out as we're half way through the workout and I'm shooting Jillian the evil eye,

 "What is wrong with that lady?" Yes!!! Exactly, my thoughts exactly! Boy, I love you and am putting you in the will, he'll get my cherished cardigan collection or something.

Almost in the same breath, he said, "Cari, why are you sweating, I'm not". Here's where my evil eye shifts from Jillian to him. Maybe I spouted something equally sassy about correct form or something. I'm not too nice to check a 9 year old. Right, I know, I'm mean. I think I the words, "respect your elders" came out of my mouth this week, which I immediately retracted, and was all like, "look what I've become boy"!

I arrived home from work and was enjoying some down-time watching the kids play in the backyard and was attacked with a water gun by the entertainer, gone Green Beret. I had no choice but to retaliate with the garden hose. My retaliation was futile, because as I was gingerly spraying the children with the hose, I was blindsided by a huge bucket of cold water down my back Gatorade-coach-style. Wait, that was my son gone Gatorade splasher. Proud moment.  No prompts.

The entertainer is also scary smart at cards, he's a card counter. We differ in this aspect, because, well I don't count cards. Half the time I don't even know it's my turn; I can't be bothered by this card counting. This makes it nearly impossible for me to EVER win against him. I am taking that kid to Vegas Disney Land.

You see where the nickname entertainer comes in? I am drafting an entire post to how he was paid $20 by his Granny to pick up some rocks in the rock bed and somehow managed to have the entire family do it for him as he looked on. The kid's a genius I tell you. Brilliant.

Naturally, as my sister reminds me, all of this sadness could be avoided if I simply move to California. Well, yes, excellent point, why didn't I think of that! Because I did, that's why, and there are three possible scenarios that could pan out from a cross country move:
1. My sis would have to hook me up with some hot movie star, which I'd marry and then live in the Hollywood Hills. But then people would start to talk about all the Botox I was getting and they'd be jealous that I was hanging with Paltrow and the Jolie-Pitts.  {Maybe just the Pitts, Angelina scares me a little, okay, a lot.}  Everyone would say I've changed because nobody would know I'm kidding with my already dry sense of humor and the Botox would make me look dead serious all the time. Besides, the traffic from L.A. to not L.A. where my sis lives would be too much for us.

2. I could move in with them. Then we could get our own show on TLC called the Real Sister Wives of Orange County. Gross, moving on.

3. They could visit me in my 2 bedroom flat, and by flat I mean cardboard box I'm residing in because there is no way I can afford California.  Most likely scenario I think.

Well, that solves that. Looks like I'm staying put and shoveling snow.

So I'm going to try and pull it together and get on with my week, although not today, today I'm wallowing and letting my kid's play hooky.


  1. Yes! The Aunt Thing! You do get it!

  2. Sisters are so good for the soul. What a fantastic visit. Cutie patootie kiddos too!

  3. I am deeply moved and chuckling at the same time.

    Hollywood needs you, Cari! Do let me know when your reality show starts to air. I'll be your hugest fan.

    You'll get through this temporary sadness... You always do...

  4. You know I can relate! Only my sis is in MT.

  5. What a wonderful time you had - and I agree with the Entertainer... what is wrong with Jillian??

  6. Well, you're in luck Cari because I have a very close friend in Cali that's been trying to get me out there forever. Plus I hate snow. We could move the families and do a reality show called BROTHER HUSBANDS. Yes, that's my idea and it's right here for everyone to see and you guys better not try to steal it from me...

    Anyway, I can't think of a better plan right now. Two single moms and a bunch of hot guys in CA that have to go away when they get annoying. And you totally get to hang out with your sister and your nephews. See? Win win.

  7. Christina, Brother Husbands, ha! Besides, after your book is out, you'll be hanging with all the celebs in Cali anyway. I was going to ask you if Ronald was going to be in town, I have a wedding I have to go to in a couple of weeks that I can't get out of; so yeah, if you don't mind me borrowing him for a day, then I'll promptly send him to the bus stop.

    Sisters are good for the soul, they know you inside and out. You never would've thought we'd be close the way we used to fight when we were younger {right Suzi}.

    Suzi, expect a call from DQ, she has something VERY important to tell you! Involves park swings.

    Nessa, that Jillian is smoking something. Although, I must admit as annoying as she is, and mean as she is, her workouts are good. I wish she'd stop saying "Buddy".

    Salt/G., coffee this week! Bring all your yummy garden recipes:)

    Pepper, you can be my agent. Have you seen my vlogs, not sure I'm meant for any kind of television...heck, I shouldn't even be blogging!!!!

    Oh yes, I have fixed some of my spelling errors...don't think Kleenex will want anything to do with this blog. I blame it on the swollen eyes and Benedryl.

  8. Why ya gott a make me cry? Huh?! Lol! Miss you guys so much and missing the boy and drama queen to death...I will never forget zebra in the you!

  9. Staci, that's how I roll in the Rookery. I blacked out Zebra in the toilet, oh fun times. Love you too!


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