September 05, 2011

Reason #28 I'm Glad I'm Single

Hey everybody, guess who's single? Yep, me. I know, I know, broken record. So that's not a bad thing, especially at this time of year. Because....

I do not have to compete or be ignored by fantasy football!

This is a celebratory moment! Why it's taken me three years to do my "no flippin' fantasy football end-zone dance"?  I do not know. But listening to all my other fantasy football widow friends whimper for the last week, I get to say, "There, there, it will be over in a few months", as I give hugs of condolence. I do try hard to hide my laughter, I can't help myself, the joy exudes you see.

Now, I like me some football. Oh yes, more so the Saturday variety for me. That being said, the lengths to which some people, and I say people, because it is not just limited to men but women as well {although heavy on the man side} will obsess, be useless and unavailable until the end of December when some kind of light returns to their eyes that is not glued to ESPN.

And why do you have to get greedy, hmmm? Isn't one league sufficient? Why must you participate in 2 maybe 3? I don't understand this. I'm not trying to squash the fun here, no doubt fun to be had, but it can get out of hand quickly. The hours of draft parties, the totally ridiculous names {really, they are}, the cable channels, the websites, the magazines, the stats, stats, and endless talking about stats.

Here are some things I will not miss about being a fantasy football widow:

1. Hubs rising in the morning without as much as a "good morning", but off to check the injury reports.

2. Late for church due to minor major changes on the FF roster.

3. "We're going to the Emergency room/house is on fire/I'm choking." says me.

"Hey, where've you been and or huh?" says him, still looking straight ahead at the T.V.
{Had I died in above choking incident, and if it really happened, I'm sure the police would've been sympathetic to a cover-up scandal seeing as Fantasy Football was involved.  I can only speculate here, but I've heard rumors.}

4. Me dozing off into a coma while he talks for hours about his dream team, and Zeek, who I do not know, who is in his league.

5. Sixteen calls from Zeek on Sunday and six on Monday, which lead to pacing, swearing, and trash-talking. {Not by me...much}

6. Bromance with Zeek.

7. You can't just go somewhere and escape it, because you cannot leave your children behind. You'll only return to find them playing in the streets unattended or at the neighbor's house being watched by said neighbor's wife while said neighbor's husband is drinking beer with your child's alleged parental guardian on the couch.

So in honor of my Fantasy Football freedom, I might not even watch 86% of the games this year! That's right! And I'm quite sure other things besides football do come on television on Sunday and Monday evenings. But I don't watch too much TV, so I don't know what they are...but I might watch them. If by chance I do watch a game, I will be able to watch that one game, and not 4 continuous games via flip fest on remote. Won't that be nice?

Sweet, sweet Freedom!
So, friends, what are your thoughts on Fantasy Football?  Is there a happy medium? And if such a medium exists {me thinks NO}, it should be required to explain such at the draft party.

12 comments:

  1. I'm with ya. I like football but not as much as others do and I think 90% of the reason I like football is really because of football food. Nachos, beer, pizza...that's enough reason to watch it once in a while. And then some football wives even make nachos with EXTRA stuff and I'm totally cool with that because sometimes all I have are chips and cheese. Football wives always make the best damn hors d oerves or however you spell it. You know what I mean. Food. I hope they have good food at the Blogger Conference. I need to meet you somewhere btw otherwise I may show up with puke all over my shoes.

    Wait a minute. What were we talking about again? oh yeah. football...don't miss it either.

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  2. I gave up fantasy football a few years back because I was just not as die hard as my league mates. I do enjoy football, though. A lot. Probably more than I should...

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  3. I like football a bit, but I do not get into it the way some do. That is great that you look at the positive to being single. It can be so easy to get caught up in the things we think it should be. Now you can watch a good old chick flick instead of a game if you want to. Have a good week!

    Mama Hen

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  4. I am blessed with a husband who was kicked out of his FF football league for sporadic participation. Adult ADHD has its perks!

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  5. I'm not really a tv sports watcher, bores the crap out of me to be perfectly honest. Except hockey, if the Red Wings are playing, I'm watching. As for fantasy football, men get WAY too involved in it.

    Hey guys, contrary to apparent belief, fantasy football is not a religion. Your life is not over if you A. don't get the quarterback you wanted, or B. One of your *star* players gets injured. No it is not ok to try to live vicariously through your fantasy football team, you didn't make it to the NFL, accept it already. Yelling at the screen, telling the players what idiots they are for whatever mistake they made is great, because you obviously know more than they do. That's why your at home spending your day glued to the couch like a lump, and they are getting paid millions to play.

    *Clears throat* Sorry all, I apparently have a few issues with this subject, haha. This is hilarious Cari! The guy I'm dating watches sports all day, every day. No matter what the sport is. I don't mind some sports, I get actually get into it when I'm watching it with a bunch of people, but if I had the remote trust me we wouldn't be watching whatever sport happens to be on. Oh and did I mention, he watches golf.....I mean seriously, golf? T.V. golf is quite possibly the most boring thing I have ever seen in my life, let's watch grass grow, or paint dry, same thing.

    I've been gone for a bit, new medicine cocktail threw me a bit. I'm back, I'm all caught up and will resume my stalkage of your blog. ;-) I know you missed me. Lol J/K

    Hope you had a great Labor Day lady, have a wonderful week!!!

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  6. i guess i'm a lucky woman they my hubs doesn't stress football - fantasy or otherwise... i have to pull him away from cnbc though. go figure!

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  7. That IS a glorious freedom. Enjoy it my friend. You deserve it.

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  8. I wish I had your mindset, Cari. I have to admit, I am a bit testosterone-centric. I tend not to put my foot down when I want my man to, ever so briefly, turn away from sports just to listen to my diatribe on how my day went. I can be submissive... I don't know...

    But I'm happy that you're happily single :)

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  9. You are very funny and have beautiful kids. Good for you for enjoying your life on your own terms.

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  10. After further review of the comments, I have decided that perhaps Fantasy Football isn't so bad and Angel is correct and Golf is indeed WORSE! Yes, I'd rather clean under the fridge or something than watch golf, Tiger and all. However, playing golf is acceptable because there are usually cocktails involved and you get to drive a cool golf cart.

    Also, I am a proponent of blog stalking...as you all may know, and I fully encourage this (and you've been warned).

    Now, I must clarify that I do like sports, a lot. I love attending sporting events even more, but let's find a little balance. Someone could be choking for Pete's sake!

    Christina, come over, I can cook semi-okay and I will feed you. You sound hungry and I'm jealous of your tiny super modelish frame, so you should eat something. I would not allow puke on shoes, I got you.

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Let me know what you think by posting a comment or sending me an email, bubblegumonmyshoe@yahoo.com. I promise not to stalk you if you do!