October 07, 2011

Epi-Pens & Dead Roosters: A Field Trip Story

Remember how I told you that my rank as cool, volunteer, room Mom totally hit the fan and I had to start at square one with Drama Queen's first grade teacher, no? Here-ish.

So in order to get in good graces with first grade teacher, without buying her off with a gift card to Tiffanys or something, I decided to volunteer for the first field trip of the year {I was the only one, by the way}.  I couldn't bake her anything, because of the "might be poison in there" clause the school has.  You just can't eat homemade goodies from strangers anymore these days, sad really.  Who's the punk that had to go poison a kid and ruin it for everyone?  At least I can still bring food to work, they'll eat anything; poison or not.

First grade teacher is a hard nut to crack, because she is a cute, curly-haired, ice princess.  {She must never know this blog exists} Guess I don't blame her, wrangling 20 first graders who can't remember to zip their pants would wear on a person.  But I've heard she's good, Drama Queen likes her.  I don't really think she said more than 4 sentences to me the entire day.  I took a shower and everything.  What gives?

I must mention a tiny flaw I have about making everyone be my friend.  If I think you don't like me, I will bother you until you do like me and are my BFF.  That's just how I roll.  It's a sickness, but I can't help it.  I love people, people!

So in short, we went to the nature center, to observe Bees and talk about pollination.  I actually learned quite a lot, and saw real bee hives or houses or whatever those boxes are.  Wasn't paying attention then, was probably saying, "stop touching him" for the 7 gillionth time.  Seriously, 1st grade boys....really?  I'm not ready for that.  Not.  Little 1st grade boys can't keep their hands to themselves {nor can 18-79 year old boys either} but that's not the point, it's ridiculous.  What developmental milestone is this?

I got the group of  "he's touching me, he's touching me, he's touching me" and the one kid allergic to bees!  What!?  I love being the chaperone with an epi-pen in my purse!  That gave me mild to heavy anxiety the entire trip.  So there we are in our little screened in porch while the bee keeper, Rob,  was bringing way too many bees {in my opinion} to show us. 

Children you must be very quiet and still so the bees don't feel the vibration of your voices and sting me.

Pretty sure that's code for: Shut the H up and stop touching him before these suckers sting me!

I'm just going to admit that I was struggling to keep the 1st grade boys under control, they were loud, and banging feet, and touching everyone and everything.  But let's be honest here, that doesn't make the kids look bad, no, after all they are just 6 years old.  This chaos makes the chaperone look bad...that being me.  I could feel 1st grade teacher staring at me with her you can't handle this eyes from across the yard through the other screened in porch.

Strike 2 or 20, whatever, the worst is yet to come.  Nobody got stung by the way.  You see I've been to this Nature preserve before, I even know some of the animals names.  So as some of the children were gathered and we were gawking at the sheep and cows and chickens, some of the kids mentioned this was their first time here.  Well, I just lit up!   Time to redeem myself and have some fun on this field trip!  They were in for a treat, because the nature preserve has the biggest rooster that has ever roamed the Earth...Big Red.  So I go on and on about Big Red, and how he's as big as a cat, and that you can hold him and feed him and the kids were really excited about this.  Until...
Big Red
First grade teacher makes her way over to me, steely eyes squinting at me, and says,

"Big Red's dead.  He died this summer."

Why Jesus?  Some kids that were familiar with Big Red instantly did that little lip quivering thing, and looked at me like I had just had chicken dinner or something.  Had I not been in the middle of nature, I would've hailed a taxi, or thrown myself into on-coming traffic.  I made the class cry.  Fantastic. 

I was drying tears and we had a moment of silence for Big Red.  I danced around questions as to if Big Red was in heaven with one kid's Grandma;  I stuck with the story that Big Red was in Rooster heaven.  I thought everything was great until "Collin" started crying about his dead dog, "Randy", and apparently every child in the class had to share a story of death, from Grandmas and Grandpas to Uncles, Aunts, cats, dogs, and fish.  Good times.

What have I done I ask you?  This is the Karma for my sass isn't it?  Worst. Field trip. Ever.  Pretty sure first grade teacher still hates me.  Actually, it's gone from 99% positive to 100% positive.  I have not signed up to volunteer again, just yet.  Best to let this incident blow over...and I'm buying a gift card to Tiffanys.


  1. No way. Dead? Bad luck. 2nd grade boys (well, mine) are not much better in the field trip dept.

  2. Don't most teachers fall down and kiss the ground the parent volunteers walk on? And if you were the only one.... shouldn't she have bowed to you and blessed you the entire day? Love this post by the way, I'm off to Stumble you.

  3. Thanks for the laugh! I'm totally having fried chicken in your honor tonight :)

  4. Field trips were the highlight of my mothering experience. I loved them...but truthfully I always got the "good" group to watch. It must have been the look on my face when it came to dividing the classroom. Or now that I think of it. Maybe the teachers all thought I couldn't handle the pressure. Not quick enough on my feet I guess. Either way...thanks for sharing and jogging my "old Lady" mommy memories.

    Good Stuff!

  5. Oh my goodness! Thank you for the laugh (at your expense).

  6. Sweet! I feel so much better knowing I'm not the only parent being hated on by a 1st Grade Teacher!!! Seriously, what's up with 1st grade teachers? ; )


  7. Wow, wow, wow!! You couldn't make this stuff up if you tried. How sucky is that? I can't believe the rooster died. Yeah, you better get that Tiffany's card ASAP!

  8. I am not a fan of Ms. Ice Queen and she should have gave you the heads up that the famous rooster had kicked the bucket. I love second grade boys... spitting contest and poop sounds abound.

  9. @Gretchen- Yeah, I know, I should probably just accept the "he's touching me" and buck up for bigger things.

    @Bonnie-Right? I was just trying to be helpful, maybe I'm intimidating or something? Hahaha!

    CSM-I'm not gonna lie, writing this kind of made me want some chicken. Sick, but true.

    @Suzi-WHY can't I comment on your blog? I am going to put in a complaint about this. I think you blocked me accidentally on purpose:) I bet you were an awesome field trip Mom, you're an awesome Mom, and are going to be an even awesome-er Granny!

    @SingleMama, Marie, Kristin-I've beyond confused myself and am thinking you are all the same person, and I may have sent an email to one of you intended for someone else, but am not sure. I will need to sort this out. Welcome to crazy ladies...it's going around...on this blog anyway. There's too many Single Mama's around here, I like it!!! Anyway, I'm glad I'm not alone!

    @Cam-Yup, doghouse...me...bribery. Story of my life.

    @Nessa-Yes, true, and thanks for the reminder that those things lie ahead:-) Although pretty sure my daughter already does that! Lol.

  10. Brutal field trip from Hades!

    My hypothesis is Snuggles the Rooster was also allergic to bees. That plump chicken tender done got stung.

  11. @Beard- Ha! Possibly, or he got snuggled to death by a first grader who wouldn't quit touching him!

  12. Wow!! It would have been 5 0'clock somewhere for me!! You're brave!

  13. I swear I commented because YOU KNOW I'm all about dead roosters. I think that rooster is somewhere laughing at me and denying my comments.

    Anyway, the bees sounded dangerous. Like let's just throw the kids in front of a bunch of lions and ask them to be quiet so they don't get bit. I think you're probably the BEST field trip mom EVAR and I'm totally signing u up for my kid's next one.

  14. Who let's a kid who's allergic to bees visit an apiary? That just sounds like a recipe for disaster.

    Rest in peace, Big Red. *sniff*

  15. seriously....these "epic" instances ONLY happen to you. But if I were chosing any mom to carry my kid's epi-pens (if they needed one) I would SO chose you!



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