October 24, 2011

Savoring the last week of Four...as sober as possible

This morning I woke up and wrote out my to-do list for the week.  I'm a total nerd like that, complete list maker; I make lists for my lists...and I usually lose them.  My son, my baby consequently is turning 5 this week...FIVE!  I'd be a liar if I said I have not been tempted to turn to the bottle.  Five is big!  Five is not a baby anymore, or a toddler, or even a pre-schooler.  I hate when five rolls around.  All of a sudden when five hits, kids seem to exponentially grow at warp speed.  I don't like it, just sayin'.

So I'm reflecting on my list, and feeling weepy, because five is coming to town whether I like it or not, and I think, "not a whole lot of these things on my list are really important in comparison to five" {and my inevitable drunken stupor, five will cause}.  Then I start feeling pressure, and urgency, to accomplish all of these tasks; all the tasks taking me away from my son this week.  I don't like to dwell in a state of urgency or anxiety, unless I have to.  It seems all those things on my list that I usually enjoy, like blogging, seem like a chore this week; and frankly I just don't wanna.

My usual motto is Mommy first, everything else second.  So I'm going big.  This week I'm going to read a book, not a blog, no Triberr, no Facebook, no Twitter, no #SingleParentsTalking; and just be with my kid.  Sure it might seem drastic, but I am well versed in 'me' and know that I could be sucked back in at any moment, one tweet could do it. Plus I could spontaneously burst into tears at any moment, and nobody needs to see that.  I could also be very, very crabby...run, save yourselves.

I'm going to enjoy the last of the fall colors, take lots of walks, carve pumpkins with my kids, attempt to make 3 school birthday celebrations a success, and attempt my first ever GFCFSF cake from scratch {should be interesting}. 

When all is said and done, all those other things mean nothing, but this guy means everything....Happy Birthday little man.
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