October 31, 2011

A Very Scary Un-Halloween Story

Since its Halloween and all, thought I scare share a scary story with you. No ghost stories or anything creepy really, just a Wal-Mart short story. See told you, frightening. The events that I will share with you took place last week on the eve of my blog-tribing-anti-facebooking-tweeting hiatus; perhaps had something to do with pushing me over the edge, one will never know.

It is rare that Wal-Mart and I cross paths, but you have to admit, sometimes they do have the lowest price guarantee and it's worth the risk. Or is it?  So I quickly maneuver into the Wal-Mart, the parking lot is feat enough.  I avoid making eye contact with almost everyone, including the dude wearing NO shoes. Right. The fact that it's 50 degrees and this didn't disturb me...Wal-Mart. I manage to collect my things in under 10 minutes do to my 80 year old speed walking imitation, and stand in the shortest line I could find with the most, ahem, "seasoned" looking cashier. Now all I'm saying here is that maybe the light on the checkout is not flashing, and there is not a trainee badge on, nor is the cashier swearing, just sayin'.  Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about here. 

The gal in front of me in line was visibly very pregnant. The cashier asks her how far along she is, 8 months, yadda, yadda. I'm just semi-over hearing right now, just checking the Twitter while I wait. The cashier responds, "yeah, I just found out I'm pregnant, the surprise is that I'm 6 months along already...so that's a relief!”

Screech! Bye Twitter. Did she say 6 months? Pregnant customer and I quickly exchange concerned glances. I now know why a show named "Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" exists and I'm pretty sure they film at the Wal-Mart.

Then there is the kicker, "at least I'm almost done with the morning sickness".

HELLO? Perhaps flu-like symptoms for six months might be some kind of sign that something is going on that you might want to get checked out? Perhaps not having your period for oh, 6 months could be a tell-tale sign...but that's just my common sense speaking.  What do I know? 

She scans my stuff, twice, she had to void it out once, and the totals were different each time. I may not be a math whiz, but I can make change, for the record, Wal-Mart cashier cannot. Trust me you never want to get into a conversation with a Wal-Mart cashier about how even though she entered that I gave her $535 instead of $35 {my total was $34.76}, that she still didn't owe me $500 dollars.  Listen Wal-Mart, you're darn lucky I'm a good person and didn't walk out with your $500 bucks! 
I had to use my Mommy voice and tell that girl to trust me and put the $500 dollars back in the till, that it would all work out in the end.  She was on the verge of tears.  She was almost desperate to unload the $500 bucks.  Creepy dude behind me in line, said, "take the money!".  I had to kind of linger there for a minute too, so the creep didn't try to convince her to give him the $500 dollars.  Creepy McCreepster wouldn't have cared if 6 months pregnant lost her job, only that he was $500 dollars richer.  I gave him the I'm watching you eyes.

Have I learned my lesson and will stay out of Wal-Mart? Probably not.  Is Wal-Mart as scary as a spooked out hay ride and a haunted house?  Yes, most definitely, yes.
Have a safe and happy Halloween everyone!


  1. I love that you call it The Wal Mart....my daughter & I do too....

  2. hahha...I haz some Walmart stories for YOU, which involve people that sound exactly like the cashier you met. Same Walmart maybe? Or same cashier at EVERY Walmart...creeepy.

    Glad you're back, btw.

  3. Holy shenanigans! That's terrifying on several levels!

  4. Maybe she had the math wrong on how far along she was too! Good thing you were there to take care of mama's job for the little unborn one.

  5. Yes, this is why I stay out of Wal-Mart. Always drama! Why was she clueless at being 6 months pregnant??? So many questions...

  6. Oh...my. They should film a reality series in Walmart. Sorta like Cops. They could go to different Walmarts and I'm sure they would have so much material the editors would have a big job. Hmm. Maybe I should get on this! haha

  7. Wal-Mart is the new shop of horrors, it seems :). That cashier girl may have made the same mistake so many times before, but the others may not have been as honest as you and just ran off with the money.

    Happy Halloween to you... and a happy birthday to your son :)

  8. Glad to see you back.

    Well, at least The Dutchess of Wally World wasn't smoking a pipe when she casually mentioned being 6 months with child.

    How as the #walmartwine?

  9. Ashley, I think you are on to something, a TV series called the 'The Real People of Wal-Mart' would be sure to bring ratings. I don't get it, it's like a magnet, a horrific, sad, scary magnet.

    And that is a good point also, that considering cashier couldn't count back my .24, she might have had trouble counting to 9; the world may never know.

    And Beard, ha! Maybe if I were drinking the Kool-aide, it would all make sense.

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