November 28, 2011

Get Me A Match And Some Eggnog

Just so you know I’ve had this post written since before Thanksgiving; since some of the stores were playing Christmas music in October. A bit of clarification before I proceed, I am a lover of Christmas music. LOVER! It's sick and wrong and I will play it year round. But there are some Christmas songs that in my humble and refined opinion should be banned from the Musac and 24-7 Christmas music station forever {and that might not be long enough}. We all have personal preferences when it comes to music, but these are the top three for me:

"Christmas Shoes"  Bob Carlisle

The rundown: Poor kid wants to buy 'Christmas shoes' for his dying Mom laying up in the hospital so she can look pretty for Jesus, or dance with Jesus.

Shut up Bob! Really? Really. Yes, if I was in the store with the poor kid, I would absolutely buy the shoes for him because he only has a dime. What monster would not? I get it, I get the whole 'could be worse' scenario, but Bob, you don't need to make me burst into tears every 25 minutes {statistical rotation of Christmas Shoes} because I have no power to turn it off.
I don't know, maybe I've been hormonal for the last five or so Christmases, but that song makes me have a teary breakdown. I don't want to hear it anymore! Pipe in some Santa Baby {which I hate} because at least I wouldn't feel like I wanted to dive into holiday traffic. Don't guilt me into the Christmas spirit Bob, I am already having an anxiety attack trying not to make eye contact with the Salvation Army person as I walk past. This is a whole other post entirely, I'm not lying, and I just gave at the last store.

Anything Jewel

The rundown: Jewel does Christmas out of desperation, and it involves yodeling and jazz scat...in the same song. Spare me, I can barely stand her any other time of the year, I need not be subjected to such things.  Had there been a top four, Mariah Carey would've made the list as well.

"Wonderful Christmas Time" Paul McCartney

This song makes me twitch. I don't know if it's the synthesized whatever the heck that is, but it makes me want to punch something; and I'm not violent! I think people might snap while holiday shopping due to hearing the same politically correct 10 Christmas Winter songs over and over.  I am not saying Christmas music causes or advocates pepper spraying or gun use, that's just straight up crazy people.

If you haven't heard any of these lovelies, you'll have to You Tube it, but you've been warned.  I WILL NOT provide the links to such annoyance on my blog here.

What Christmas song(s) drive you to drink more eggnog than you should?


17 comments:

  1. The Paul McCartney one makes me feel like I'm in an insane asylum.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have the exact same sentiments about #1. Sorry, I love Jewel at Christmas and the rest of the time :-). As for Wonderful Christamas Time, it gets stuck in my head every time I hear it and I don't even like it! Aarrrgh!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I swear Pandora had it out for me yesterday... We set up Christmas music through our Blu-Ray while we were putting up the Christmas tree and I swear to you they had 4 Frank Sinatra songs in the span of 10 minutes. First, I'm not a big fan of his. Give me Tony Bennett, or ANYONE else instead. Frankie cannot stay on key half the time and it makes me physically cringe! I was diving for the remote control like a mad woman to hit thumbs down. Moving on.

    Another one I don't like: Aaron Neville and his weird vibrato! AHHH, turn it off!!!

    I really dislike how the new versions of songs from current artists can sometimes seem like they're trying too hard to force a different (and not necessarily good) twist on a classic. That can get really annoying.

    On the flip side, I am in LOVE with the Christmas CD's from Andrea Bocelli and Josh Groban. Josh Groban's "O Holy Night" makes me stop whatever I'm doing whenever I hear it. Gorgeous (and his singing's not too bad either!). ;-) LOL

    -Angela

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh my goodness, Christmas Shoes...ugh. Isn't Christmas supposed to be about joy and love? And shouldn't the kid be spending the last precious moments with his mom, not shoe shopping? And what kid ever buys shoes for their parents? Grr.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Don't like Christmas music which is why I have been cursed with a child that plays Christmas music on the piano ALL year round. How can you tell a kid not to play the music they like when they're actually practicing?

    My mom gave me a Leann Rhimes Christmas CD once. In case you don't know me, I'm so not a Leann Rhimes kind of chick. My parents are also big into the heirs of the Von Trapps. Not sure which one of those is worse.

    ReplyDelete
  6. @MMomma- Yep, twitchy...I think I'm blogging from there.

    @Salt- We will agree to disagree on Jewel. But Sir Paul has the Jedi mind trick down pat.

    @Angela- I completely forgot about Neville! Oh, I can't stand that either. When is the last time he's been seen in anything but a sleeveless jean jacket/vest? Total agreement on Groban, that song is amazing. {Ps if you are a fan, he did a little acting in Crazy, Stupid, Love}. I am also a lover of any Christmas song by Michael Buble, to which I am in the process of writing a love letter as we speak.

    @Single Mama- Yes. There can be no public outcry really or we'd be labeled as hating: Christmas, Jesus, kids and shoes. And that's not true. The song kind of makes me feel like a failure as a parent too because if it were me on the death bed, my kids would be out the door spending their quarter on Squinkies and gum.

    @Scrooge- I'm assuming Christina...my family is the VonTrapps, no lie; they break out into 4 part harmony on dime. I don't have a VonTrapp-esque voice, but that has never stopped me from singing about whiskers on kittens.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I hate the Christmas Shoes song for that very reason!! Why do they play that song when I am somewhere in public??

    ReplyDelete
  8. How do you feel about Christmas songs sung by animals? Like Alvin and the Chipmunks singing Frosty the Snowman or kittens singing Jingle Bells? How about chickens singing Wonderful Christmas Time?

    ReplyDelete
  9. @Nessa- Because they're evil! Even the DJ said she can't listen to it too many times because it's so sad.

    @Beard- Chipmunks don't bother me, more worrisome when they are singing Pink and Katy Perry. Not sure about other animals, but I did get a dog that barked Jingle Bells for a gift once and there was nothing right or cute about that.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I would hate for someone to think I hate shoes...

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am sooo happy that you hate Christmas Shoes. I'm not so happy about the fact that I was planning to write about this song and you stole my idea. See if I ever invite you into my dreams again.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I hate the shoes for mom song, I don't know who wrote it but I have a hot poker with their name on it. I'm with Cari on this one, Jewel and Mariah need to stick to what they're good at, which is not much. Maybe they could just not do anything, I'd be ok with that.

    The chipmunks Christmas stuff is funny. What I miss though, and it's dang impossible to find is the California Raisins Christmas, hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  13. @Single Mama-Hahaha, right?

    @Erica- Do it!!! Now you must because I know it will be flippin' hilarious, can't wait for your spin!

    @Angel- Again, you, me, the seperated at birth thing. Totally forgot the California Raisins, You Tube.......

    ReplyDelete
  14. Feliz Navidad by Jose Feliciano because that song gets stuck in my head and does not come out. I must stop thinking about it now.

    I also hate that stupid Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer song because it was overplayed after the first time.

    Some of my favorites:

    There's a song by Run DMC called "Christmas Is." I LOVE that song. You can find it on youtube. It's an early foretelling of the true spirit of Reverend Run before he was a man of the cloth and just a rapper.

    There's also a song by Amy Grant, which usually Amy Grant makes me want to stab an ice pick in my ear, but this one is called "Breath of Heaven" and it is utterly beautiful.

    It goes without saying, Bruce Springsteen's "Santa Claus is Coming To Town."

    Same goes for U2's "Baby, Please Come Home."

    Also love Band Aid's, "Do They Know It's Christmas" and Wham's "Last Christmas" because they remind me of the days when I was just stepping into life and the ridiculous fun of those days.

    But my absolute favorite Christmas song is Judy Garland's "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas." There is magic in that song, when she sings it in her sad, beautiful voice.

    So, now that I've written a post on your post, I'll stop being such a hog!

    ReplyDelete
  15. @JoAnn- We can pretty much agree on all of those, I heart Amy's song too; one of my fave's. Things go awry with Band Aid's "Do they know it's Christmas"...I can't stand it. It's Africa, of course they don't have snow. Can't. Maybe sad Christmas songs just rub me the wrong way, I don't know. I can still handle Feliz Navidad though!

    Merry Christmas everyone, only 3 more weeks of Christmas music...unless you live with me, then it's all year round...reason #29 that I might still be single.

    ReplyDelete

Let me know what you think by posting a comment or sending me an email, bubblegumonmyshoe@yahoo.com. I promise not to stalk you if you do!