January 20, 2012

I Am Worried For The Future

This is a true story about a phone call a Mom and a phone call. Not much surprises me anymore, but I'll be honest, my faith in fellow man is starting to waiver a smidge!

To preface, I was making a phone call for the boy's transportation to THERAPY with the Nanny. When I have to work and he has therapy, I call the insurance transportation so the Nanny doesn't have to drive the 90 mile round trip. Let me also preface this is never a fun call to make, we've only used this service oh, 100 times and we are never in the system (yet they always "add" it). So it always takes at least 20 minutes and I have to have every address, number, blood type, mother's maiden name, and place of my great-great uncle's birth readily available.

So the phone call goes a little something like this (after they can't find Therapy Heaven* in the system...Shocking...)....

Operator: "What is the number again ma'am?"

Me: "555-555-5555" (Third times a charm?)

Operator: "What is the address again?"

Me: "Blah, blah blah, B.F.E, blah, blah, they said they added this in the system last time."

Operator: "And what is the name of the place?"

Me: "Therapy Heaven." (Please note, I am not going for speech therapy, my son is, so I am crystal)

Operator: "Therapy Heaven?"

Me: "Yes sir, Therapy Heaven in insert town name here.

Operator: "T-H-E-R-A-P-H-Y?"

Me: "Ah, no, T-H-E-R-A-P-Y."

Operator: "T-H-E-R-A-P-H-Y?"

Me: "No, T-H-E-R-A-P-Y."

Operator: "Okay ma'am, please hold I will add you into the system, can I have the phone number and address again please?"

Really? Really? This perhaps may explain why they can never find us in the system! This is an insurance company I am calling, and all this operator does is transportation appointments AND is required to ask what kind of Therapy is needed, which he has to type into the computer! I'm worried for the future, just sayin'.

Now I don't claim to be Spelling Bee Champion or anything...but come on.

Anyone have a bad spelling moment, or a story of one?

*Therapy Heaven doesn't exist, but this is what I call our therapy office when they are listening.

{This is a re-purposed post because I am in the process of moving, not blogs, slight issue with the blog move, but I am actually moving geographic locations, I'll be back soon, until then you get this crap.}

January 16, 2012

Certain Uncertainty

Life is not anything if not uncertain. How many times in a day do we question ourselves? How many times in a day do we doubt ourselves, belittle ourselves, and downplay our achievements? Am I really crazy?  Maybe I really am a biatch. {True fact.}Too many. It is an ongoing dialogue in life. At least in my mind it is. For as brave and strong as I know I am, I still question myself.

I was reading this heartfelt post at The Lauryn Doll, where she feels broken and questions why she couldn't make her marriage work. Even though I know my divorce was the right thing, the best thing to do. I still question if I gave up too quickly. It doesn't make me want him back, or regret; I think we all try to pin point that moment when it all went wrong. Did we know from the start? Were they always that way? Did I get complacent? Did I forget to choose love, to choose my marriage every single day over the 100 other little things in life?

I have mixed feelings when it comes to love. I really think I've only been "in-love" once in my life, and honestly it wasn't with my ex-husband. Although I loved my husband very much, it was more of a decision than a feeling. Now looking back at that, I wonder, if it had been more of a feeling; something magnetic, something I longed for that feed my soul everyday; not passion, just connection...if then I would've had something more to fight for?

Certainly the butterflies fade the romance the affection. Or do they? Can I consciously make a decision to keep the fire going every day? That would take work, right? I guess I'd expect nothing less in my next relationship, so why not? I do love the comfortability that comes with a long term relationship. When there is no need for words, sometimes routine is a comfort to me. I don't have a need for grand gestures; small things mean more to me by far.  Dudes, honestly, pretty sure that goes for all the ladies.  An ounce of understanding out-weighs a pound of chocolates or fancy dinners.

"Gary, I want you to want to do the dishes."

{From the movie “The Break Up”, makes me laugh, but can't say you don't get that.} Guys if you need an explanation let me know, I’ll elaborate; trust me; will do wonders for your relationship with women.

But I wonder, I question myself, if my marriage was a mistake? If I was too level headed and all business and should've held out for a little more spark? Even though the spark will fade, you always remember it. You remember the feeling and it gives you something to fight for.   Maybe he would’ve fought for me a little more too.

Certainly uncertain, such is life; fully of ambiguity and doubt. I guess it would be pretty dull if we knew what to do all the time, right?

So friends, when it comes to love, where do you stand?  Do you need a spark, does such a thing exist; or is love a conscious decision?  Maybe a little of both?

January 13, 2012

Alright Bloggers, I'm ASKING For Advice, And I Know You Want To Give It!

I've gone rogue. More than usual, that is. I have had this plan for a while and am finally going to bite the bullet. I'm saying bye-bye to my little slice of Internet here and buying my own. Yep, I'm moving! I'm not sure how long I've been blogging now, seems like too long.  I have yet to receive Blog of Note, humph. Goodbye Blogger hello self-hosted Word Press.
Say What? I'm Lost:

For all you non-blogging types it means this: and I only know because I googled it. As of now I blog for free, free platform here run by big brother Google. Word Press is also another free platform, but has lots of bells and whistles (plug-ins). Self-hosting means I choose my own host, hence, I own my work. Right now, I'm blogger's biznitch, and me no likey. They can shut me down anytime they want, or screw my stuff up, or delete me or my comments. Or make it unbearable to even compose a post.  No control, capesh? Plus, I just don't like it.

What This Means for You, Dear Reader:

I just adore the heck outta all you readers, so this is why I'm giving you a heads up. I will still have the same URL, www.bubblegumonmyshoe.com; however, if you have subscribed to me in a reader, especially Google Friend Connect, we won't be connected anymore. You used to be able to transfer GFC, but no longer, Google is greedy and won't share, so you'll have to Bookmark me, add me in your Google reader manually, or subscribe via Facebook, Networked Blogs or email. On the bright side, once this is all said and done, you'll be able to receive my witty and snarky responses to your comments via email. I'm only reminding you this once, I love you; don't let this break us up, okay? 

Blogger must have seen this coming as they just rolled out the new reply to each comment dealio.  Hate it.  Slow to load, screwy and frankly more work.  The commenter still doesn't know you replied unless they check back or reply to comments.  I stopped subscribing to comments long ago, because frankly my email was out of control.  Nice try, blogger; too little, too late.

So long, Farewell,KABOOM!

You can actually pay people to do this flawlessly for you. But like I said, I'm a rebel and decided to do this myself. Most hosts have handy dandy programs to make this easy for you, and I've been doing my research. What is the worse that could happen? Okay right, I blow up my blog. But I backed it up, so I can try again. I do not know when we will meet again; I have this scheduled for next Monday, so expect the unexpected or a flippin' miracle. Pray for me, that's what I'm sayin'.

Alright, tell me now are you on Blogger or Wordpress or Self-Hosted? Pros and Cons please and did anyone make the switch on their own? I need a degree of difficulty here.

If you are self-hosted, who is it or who do you recommend?

Until we meet again....I promise shiny.

January 11, 2012

The More You Know (Insert Cheesy PSA Music Here)

So...I got to thinking.  STOP!  Do not stop reading, this is important!  I promise I was not thinking about more reasons I'm Smokin' Hot, Twitter, or what goes on over at the Twitter {disturbing}.  I read a beautifully written and thought provoking post on Making Assumptions, by my bloggity blog BFF, Angela, a.k.a. The Caffeinated Autism Mom.  Now I make assumptions right and left, up, down and every which way {despite I'm perfect} so I know you're thinking this is probably some sort of boo-hoo post or maybe a confession or something?  No, I'm not Catholic, so I'm not required.

This did get me thinking about the assumptions people make about Autism.  So I feel as a Mommy to a cool lil' dude with Autism, I should give you a short and sweet list of  Autism assumptions.  It'll just take a minute, check yourselves and read...quiz to follow.

  1. Autism is not caused by vaccines alone.
  2. Autism is not a result of poor parenting.
  3. Every child with Autism is not a genius.
  4. Every child with Autism is not the same, nor are their symptoms.
  5. Autism ain't cheap, and insurance has strict guidelines to services provided to those with Autism, if not flat out DENIED because of it.  Last year my son's services cost a cool $87,000, then I fed him too.
  6. In two family homes, is it common for one parent to have to quit their job to care for and manage the care of their child/children with Autism.
  7. Family Pediatricians are not equipped to diagnose Autism.
  8. "Rainman" is on the severe side of the spectrum, not the norm, but not to be dismissed.
  9. Children with Autism are easily overwhelmed, have sensory issues, cannot regulate their bodies which leads to stimming, scripting, and "bad behaviors" to help them cope.
  10. While not an excuse, sometimes, what appears as bad behavior to the assuming eye, is a child without the words to say, "this hurts, I'm overwhelmed, I need something, help me", this is their communication.

Autism does not discriminate.  It affects all genders and races across the world, blind to economic resources or income.  There is no known cure, we do not fully understand the cause; although genetics, environmental factors and biological factors play large roles.

If you have questions or concerns about Autism, feel free to leave a comment, or send me an email, bubblegumonmyshoe@yahoo.com 

If I left some assumptions out, by all means feel free to add;)

{Stay tuned for the next post when I pass on the Giving the Finger Award, I know, could be you; are you worried?}

January 09, 2012

I Have Only Begun To Defile Myself

Anyone who reads this blog gets that title; it's been a downhill slide since I started blogging. That being said, and despite the crap I put out on my  little slice of Internet; my numbers keep growing. Often I get "shut the front door" numbers, and I curse Analytics for toying with me. Maybe I should study my demographics, most popular posts, etc.? Nah. Don't care about numbers; I just like blogging and thanks for reading! I figure at this point I can stop paying people to read this and just flat out beg; soon I may not even have to do that!
My Uncle passed away over the holidays; no sympathies please, I'm okay with death. I might be too okay with death. I tend to get giddy and cheeky at funerals; I see it more of a celebration of life, you see. {I've heard the term "masking" thrown around, no clue what that means.} And I'm a Christian, so hallelujah!

Point? Oh yes. So there was a funeral, on my mother's side...I better say blood relative that birthed me; she gets twitchy about tagging and mentions and stuff. So on said relative's side there are 8 siblings, therefore a good eleventy-hundred cousins, okay 21. We are almost like a gang, a cool super fun gang....cool and the gang, right, I'll stop. But their laughter makes me love life.
My gang of cousins, they are lethal, do NOT cross us.

Point? Right, onward. Let me tell you how much of a rock star I felt like during the funeral goings-on: every 3rd person was all, "Cari, I love your blog!" Naturally my response is, Blog? What blog? What did you read? I said nothing. But after I realized they hadn't read the post where I talked about them, it was all good. For example:

Me: Wow! Thanks for reading my blog Great Aunt Agnes; I didn't realize you knew computering!

Great Aunt Agnes: Yeah, that skank post was off the chain!

Me: Word.

GAA: You need to woman up and switch to Self-Hosted Wordpress, newbie.


The above is an actual transcript, as I rarely exaggerate for entertainment purposes.

So by the 9th relative singing my praises, my hand started cramping up from the autographs. What makes me squirmy is when someone who has loved me my whole life says, "you make me laugh, you make me cry, and you should write a book {not happening}." What would I write a book about? Cheese and sweaters? Okay you sell it, I'll write it. Obviously my family doesn't read much.

This whole family reading my stuff thing also makes me panicky, after all, I just wrote about my boobs and vajayjay 3 posts ago. Crap. Then I think for a moment, I should write something more wholesome, and say a prayer, should definitely pray. But all too soon the sass kicks in and it's all over.

Despite my best efforts to make this blog seem amusing, or good, or even readable; I won't change it, I can't. I'll always be me here, no matter how much you deny reading this blog and flippin' lovin' it, or the 1/3 chance that if you are reading this, you are related to me.

This post is dedicated to my Uncle Earl, who was far and away more famous than I. He is a true testament to a life loved to the fullest. I have never been to a funeral with a 4 hour visitation with a line to the church basement from start until finished. That is how many lives he touched. I will miss his laugh most. This laugh is for you, Earl. xo

If you are a blogger, do your relatives read your blog?  How do you feel about that?

January 04, 2012

Five Reasons I'm Smokin' Hot....

"Five Reasons I'm Smokin' Hot and You Can't Have Any", to be exact.  I know, I know, you think this post is a repeat; I assure you it is not.  You see I've inadvertently become part of a club, known to some, okay known as, the Bitchery Triad.  Bitchery?  Possibly a made-up word?  But sounds powerful right?  And look at me...ice princess....stone cold...bitchery.  I am what I am.  
Exhibit A: Total Bitchery
Smokin' Hot was born on the Twitter amongst the Bitchery Triad: Marjorie, the genius; Christina, the smart one; then there is me, I just follow them around because they are fun and pretty, and they let me.  Somehow a blog-off was born, "5 Reasons I'm Smokin' Hot and You Can't Have Any", for fun or SEO, not sure.  We take our blogging very seriously, you see.  I wonder if there is a prize involved like a pack of cigarettes, bag of Cheetos or a tiara, but really, doesn't take much to convince me to write about nonsense.  So I'm linking up with my two favorite tweeple in the world and singing my praises. 
 Exhibit B: Bitch in a Cardigan
Five Reasons I'm Smokin' Hot and You Can't Have Any:

1.  Look at me!  Seriously?  H.O.T.

{If I ever figure out Photoshop, watch out, then this might be totally legit.  You should see me on the days where I actually shower and try to look nice. I'd also probably have to shave my legs, which I don't entirely have time to do properly.}

2.  Because I'm a virgin.

{What's that?  I have two kids?  Oh, okay, born again virgin maybe?  I don't know, I'm grasping at straws, I go to church though, does that count?}

3.  I have enough laundry to do.

{Between myself and those two kids mentioned, I have enough laundry to do; I don't need to be doing your laundry too.}

4.  You'd be smitten, and then you'd stalk me.

{Don't pretend like you wouldn't.  You'd meet me one time and it would all be over, just ask those other guys with the restraining orders.  I'm flippin' irresistible and gaining momentum with this post.  Don't put yourself through the agony.  Save yourself from being the guy with the boom box standing in the rain outside my house blaring a love song. My neighbors are so over that.}

5.  Check my luggage.

{I've got baggage for miles in the form of a *censored* Ex-husband and two great and mildly annoying kids.  You gotta be strong to help carry that load...maybe a little bit crazy too. Takes a strong dude to fight for me and not walk away.}

In summation, in case 1-5 aren't serious enough for you and you think I'm a total narcissist {I am} I'll leave you with this:  You can't have any because one night stands are for the weak, fun, but not for me.  I might be alone, but I am not lonely or desperate.  Oftentimes men and women confuse alone and desperate.  I've got a good head on my shoulders, except for when I've been drinking and then it all goes to hell, but when I'm sober I respect my hotness too much to let just any loser in.  I did that once, and it didn't turn out so well.  Although I got two great kids out of it, so not a total loss. 

I want to show my daughter that I am more than a "housewife", "single-mom", "cook", "crazy Mommy blogger" or "chauffeur".  I am more than any label you will give me.  Smokin' hot is not just a physical description; purely coincidence that I happen to be attractive as well.  Smokin' hot is a manifestation of your awesomeness, what you share with the world, what you leave behind, the kind of character you have and the kind of friend you are.  I'm on freakin' fire!  You can't have any because there is a man out there that is hotter than I am waiting for me.  And if I'm fooling around with you, I might miss him.  So I'm not going to waste my time on "meh" and just wait for great, because the Triad and I deserve nothing less.  {Also plausible that this is complete crap and the triad and I will end up sharing a room in the nursing home...but seriously, I'd probably be okay with that.}

Oh snap, Bitchery Triad!

Go check out the Triad and see how they are far and away better writers than I am: Don't Call Me Marge: @marjoriemcatee and Solitary Mama: @cmajaski. Oh and follow them on Twitter too, unless you're scared. If you don't follow me on Twitter yet: @bubblegumcari, and I don't want to hear any excuses like, "I'm not on Twitter".

Everyone wants a piece of the hotness, how about you?  Why are you smokin' hot and they can't have any? {Sure this counts if you're married, whatevs}

P.S. I'm totally down for another blog-off if anyone is game,  give me a topic, let's dance. It's a new year, I have only begun to embarrass myself.