February 13, 2012

Five Fake Holidays Better Than Valentine's Day

Before you pronounce me a bitter singleton; I will have you know I have always frowned upon St. Valentine’s Day. I have a sneaking suspicion that Valentine’s Day is a bunch of nonsense invented to boost sales by Hallmark, the floral industry and pharmaceutical companies {anti-depressant pushers…call me}. All the heart jewelry makes me want to choke too, but to each his own diamond incrusted heart pendant {blech}. I am not spewing hate, but rather believe showing love and appreciation 365 instead of one grandiose day. Yes, I am the Mom that puts “I love you” notes in school lunches and pack backs everyday.



So because I am resistant to Cupid’s ridiculous drug laden arrows of money flushery, I have compiled a list of Five Fake Holidays better than Valentine’s Day.



Put A Real Person On the Phone Day:

Can I get an Amen? Please automated lady that barely pronounces my name correctly, I would perhaps just like my account balance without going through number pressing Simon Says, or hearing, “I’m sorry, I didn’t get that”.

Also, most of the time I’m calling Blue Cross Almighty {my nemesis} because they gave me a “WTF code and we don’t cover this statement”. Blue Cross Almighty wants you to give up before they get to option 49, which is speak to a representative. I know I’m going to wait 23.894 minutes to speak to someone real, only to be transferred 7 more times before ultimately being disconnected and never having my question answered; but I don’t need to go through 49 options to know I need to speak to someone who exists.

Gosh darn it; I accidentally pressed #2, Spanish.



Get Out Yo’ Jammies Day:

Just like we shouldn’t celebrate a holiday remembering to tell people we love them, we should also encourage our fellow man to put on a pair of jeans and a clean shirt. Just yesterday a lady was in the store wearing her Rise & Shine rhinestoned jammies and house shoes…oh, it was also 8 degrees. Just because it’s bedazzled does not mean it’s appropriate for public viewing. This just isn’t necessary. I love me a comfy pair of yoga pants, but let’s get real and not let ourselves go here.



My Dog Ate It Day:

Let’s face it, some days you just can’t get it together, or you forgot, OR you wrote it down like me, but then lost your list. We all just need a day when we can say, “You know what…my dog ate it”. {Also a stipulation to the holiday is that you are not required to have a dog}.

That project for work you didn’t quite finish, tattered shreds by Doberman. Missing field trip form? Slobbery puddle via Poodle. Taxes not quite finished? Page 93 and W-2s ingested by Chihuahua.



National Change Your Sheets Day:

Many an adolescent and bachelor fall into the not changing of the sheets slump, or never have, never will area. Dudes, that’s just not right. Perhaps it’s just a crazy quirk of mine, but I love fresh sheets on a bed; preferably with a high thread count. Oh yeah, that’s right, once you “go there” everything else is sandpaper. Worth every cent. Don’t knock it until you try it. Oh, and change your sheets.



Seven Brides for Seven Brothers Day:

Only because it is one of the most ridiculous, hilarious and highly entertaining musicals ever! Not politically correct in any way, and all you Disney haters will loathe it. But if you don’t take your movie watching too seriously and take notes about how it is destroying your daughter’s self-esteem, it’s a classic. My kid’s love it. Is it possible that my son might turn into an Appalachian redneck and kidnap himself a wife? Possibly but unlikely because there aren’t barn raisings, covered wagons and people don’t dance over wells because kids fall into them now-a-days. For your viewing pleasure, the trailer from 1954:



Happy Valentine’s Day!

32 comments:

  1. hahah girl did you say Seven Brides for Seven Brothers day

    gahahahahah....

    I propose Tell Me I'm Pretty Day...where every person online and in real life tells me I'm pretty. Can't wait.

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    1. Yes, yes I did. You see this is a peek inside the inner genius that is BGOMS. It was all down hill after the sheets, my kids were watching it and really that movie deserves it's own day on the choreography alone.

      Name it, how about all odd numbered days? You're pretty. Once I told my readers if they didn't know what to say in the comments section to tell me I'm pretty. Means just as much to me forced as it would organically.

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  2. I like "Put a Real Person on the Phone" day. I demand it be put on the calendar!

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    1. Yes, but then we'd have to amend it to put a person on the phone that is not a moron. Sad, but true. I think the only training actual representatives get is just to switch you from person to person until you give up.

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  3. When is Seven Brides for Seven Brothers day? I love that movie!

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    1. It's whenever you please, it cracks me up, except for Millie's waist line of course; that's not natural. :)

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  4. Love it! Hubby and I don't celebrate Valentine's day either. We don't need one day to tell each other how much we love each other. We do that every day of the year.

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    1. Precisely. I hate watching dudes scramble to get something together or buy the perfect gift because of the enormous amount of pressure that is the retail driven Valentine's Day. Unfortunately not a lot of people even like spending time together anymore, sad. Thanks for stopping by Jamie:)

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  5. LOL this made me laugh so much! Put a real person ont he phone day is definitely an idea! xxx

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    1. An idea that will never come to fruition sadly. If we're going to automate something, how about ALL the checkouts at Wal-Mart, just typing that made the world a better place. Or those kiosk people selling lotions and hair irons, put a robot in there or something, they like to talk, let's give them a head set and let them work as option speak to a flippin' person.

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  6. Haha!! Man, I am guilty of not having had jeans on for years. Someone will create "Kidnap Your Sweatpants Day" in my honor.

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    1. And so it shall be. Say it ain't so Lauryn! Alright I hearby dub this as your transitional year(s)...but I'll be watching. :)

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  7. Oh, put a real person on the phone day would be fabulous! I spent yesterday cursing at a recording giving me 4 different options, none of which were my problem...

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    1. I hate that, which is why I always have a scrap sheet of paper to right down the "closest" option to my problem while listening to the list. I've learned my lesson and don't want to repeat the menu because I forgot. But if there isn't even a service rep option...I'm cursing too.

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  8. I'm so putting these on my calendar. Maybe even a few times a year.

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  9. I was just commenting on another blog a while ago, and said that I was never big on Valentine's day- until this year, when I got a dozen roses :).

    Anyways, I've also always thought of V-day as commercially-driven. Yes, it's Hallmark who profits from Cupid's drugged arrows. If it weren't for my daughter's Valentine's day card for me, I wouldn't have put an end to my tradition of wearing black every V-day (not black cardigans, sorry!).

    Oh, and I love fresh sheets too. Happy Valentine's day to you and your kids, Cari! :)

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    1. I wear black every day!!! Haha, just kidding, only cardigans. Well, I'm glad you got your roses, very sweet, must say when they aren't overpriced and red, they are one of my faves. Holla on the sheets!

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  10. Please sign me up for the real person on the phone day!!! I'm so with you!

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    1. Look for the petition to be going around on Twitter. I'm also going to suggest a reply to your blog comments cari day! I'm slipping. Thanks, Cam:)

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