February 26, 2012

Hey Science, Bottle This...


This question will linger unanswered for all eternity: Why does unwanted hair seemingly sprout overnight? Secondly, how do we bottle the mysterious growth hormone within said unwanted hair?  Only on BGOMS do I really tackle these hard hitting questions.  Let me throw a scenario out to you, if I may.  

Day 1:  Getting ready, hair under control, make-up on, teeth brushed, shaved, etc.  Everything looks lovely as usual.  Or as I say, "I can work with this."

Day 2:  Hair...what?  A cluster of gray hairs that weren't there yesterday, uni-brow has made an appearance and a stray hair on the upper lip, or nose or ear (gross, but so I've heard, guess that's more of a dude thing, I pray that is a dude thing).

You know this has happened to you.  OVERNIGHT 12 gray hairs have sprouted and so have your eyebrows, leaving you looking an unruly mess.  This begs the question:

Were these here yesterday?

No, no they weren't.  I have to believe they weren't.  Then you have that inevitable flashback where you think of everything you did the previous day every person you talked to and you didn't even wake up late!  I've never seen just a little spike of gray hair on my head, or half a stray eyebrow.  It's all or nothing in Cari land.  But I do live in a little land otherwise referred to as denial. Maybe I don't see one and my eyesight is failing and the red alert doesn't happen until there is a cluster effect?  I've already asked you people to advise me if there is a uni-brow sighting...{if I've told you once}.

I firmly believe eyebrow, gray hairs, facial hair in any form, leg and underarm hair all contain some phenomenal DNA that includes some type of magical growth hormone.  Could we splice it, bottle it and rub into my hair on top of my head since the terrible decision to get bangs occurred?  Not me, because I learned my lesson after 15 times, but maybe you haven't.

Finding this gene could be pretty darn amazing for cancer patients in need of a wig or regrowth....or the Real Housewives extensions.  I mean Locks of Love would be busy as all get out with people throwing the magic growth serum on their hair then chopping it off every nine inches.

Clearly science needs to get to the bottom of this.  I for one am sick of making emergency waxing appointments.  

What say you readers, does the unwanted hair have the element of surprise, or is it just me?

15 comments:

  1. LOL! Yes exactly, I get ready, go out and thoroughly expect my legs to be silky smooth still the next morning... the horror when I nearly cut myself on the stubble is terrifying! x

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    1. Yes, it is. Worse yet right after you shave your legs, step out of the shower and bam! Maybe I will just boycott shaving...

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  2. I love the irony that I use to color my hair all the time. I stopped when I was pregnant and actually liked my natural color (I had been coloring it for 14 years, so didn't know what it looked like). Then I learned kids give you grey hairs...now I need to flippen color my hair.

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    1. True story, I had not a one grey hair on my scalp until the day I got home from the hospital with my firstborn and there it was. Telling isn't it?

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  3. I actually wake up each day hoping I have more hair on my face. I know. It's weird. Reverse psychology.

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    1. Maybe we could get you some testosterone injections? You'd be a strong ass 80 pound ninja. With a noticeably deeper voice...and maybe acne. Probably just stick with what you're doing.

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  4. I swear gray hair grows inches in an hour. First it is no where and then it is a foot long - pointing up at the ceiling from your part.

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    1. It is wiry and out of control. It can't just blend in with the rest, has to mess up the ponytail even. Humpf.

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  5. someone totally needs to get to the bottom of this. all of these grey hairs sprouting up around here are just out of control!!!

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    1. Right? Well someone does, because I am obviously not the right girl for the job. One of the kids that work for me told me I was getting dangerously close to having mom jeans today. We almost had to take it to the alley. I swear if you aren't popping out a nipple like JLo, you wear mom jeans.

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  6. Oh, you have bangs now? Post a pic, please :)
    Must be hormones... Don't worry, when you turn 22, you won't have that problem anymore :)
    Seriously, I've been on the pill for years now, so I guess that has managed my androgen levels...yes, androgen :)

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    1. No, no bangs. I know better than that, they have been pretty much non-existent since sausage bangs went out of style, or I had short hair. Oh, you remembered my real age, saint you. Yeah, I'm already on birth control for no good reason besides I'm a lot less stabby every month. Public service.

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Let me know what you think by posting a comment or sending me an email, bubblegumonmyshoe@yahoo.com. I promise not to stalk you if you do!