The sooner you accept your kid isn't perfect the better...

El Rant.  Let me tell you friends, I'm sick.  Sick and tired of hearing about OTHER PEOPLE’S ”bad kids" all over the blogosphere lately. Usually the post starts out by explaining an exchange of dialogue, passed along by a 4-10 year old mind you, and how the blogger's kid on the other side of the exchange was an absolute angel in the face of someone calling him/her a poo-poo head.  Whatever.  What chaps me is the blogger feels they have free reign to rail on that child, their behavior and their parents.  After post number three filtered through my reader, I sat down to write this little tirade.  Am I talking to you?  Do you think your child does no wrong but you judge every other child's behavior and parent around you and you feel its okay to trash talk a 5 year old?  Then yes, probably you.

Long ago I when I just had one little neurotypical princess that was as sweet as sweet could be, I scoffed, I judged, I thought, hmmm, I would never allow that behavior as I watched other children and parents around me.  I was lucky to have an easy going kid; I thought I was a great parent.   I'm just being honest.  Then I had number two, and Autism aside, add another to the mix and you go from teaching manners to survival mode and refereeing.  It changes the dynamic more than you know.  Your little princess will not always be priority number one and attention shifts, nothing is balanced or fair.  

“When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.”

- Bernard Bailey

There are no bad kids.  There are bad parents, yes.  There are kids who never get hugged.  There are kids who never hear, "I love you".  There are kids who will not have a proper breakfast, lunch or dinner.  There are kids who are ignored.  There are kids who will never be heard and are spoken to with harsh words.  There are kids who raise themselves.  When a child misbehaves, most often it is for attention.  So hey village, why don't you get off your high horse and help?  Why not become part of the solution instead of ignoring the problem or acting like you're five years old yourself?  {Reference quote above again, please}  Why are we holding these insane expectations that a 5 year old should in any way speak as eloquently as some of these dear bloggers I mentioned?  I say a lot of dumb crap, all the time, I'm not in denial.  But who doesn't?  Of course I should watch my words, but the thought that one ridiculous thing coming out of my mouth would brand me a moron for life; well I might give up blogging, and speaking.  Besides, I think I'm halfway there anyway.

So maybe, just maybe we don't know the whole story.  Who reading this would like to make a judgment about what I go through any given day just based on these few paragraphs here?  My guess is nobody {although I may be wrong}.   My life is no more or less hard than anyone else's; just different.  We make judgments based upon comparisons in our own lives.  Comparisons with in our belief system, our values and lifestyles.  That being said, how could we dare to even judge until facts present themselves to unfold the whole story?

I've already blogged about how devastating a diagnosis of Autism is.  You have to come to terms with the fact that your child may not be, or have the ability to do everything you dream for them.  But they can still do amazing, wonderful, world changing things; you have to shift your perception.  So long ago, I stopped giving a rip about how people stared at me in public when my son had a meltdown, how they judged my emotionless face as I ignore a tantrum, but I do have to finish the grocery shopping.  Sorry shoppers, but I'm a single mom, leaving the cart isn't an option because nobody is going to watch Junior for me later.  That is my reality, and I'm not asking for sympathy, just stating fact.  I have it easier than many, many others and that is also fact. 

I also made a conscious decision long ago not to make "excuses", for lack of a better word, for my son's behavior.  What may seem to others as acting out  or behavior issues, may be because he has no way to communicate that someone walked by with a perfume that he can't handle, or a light is flickering, or the music is too loud or irritating.  If you are looking at me with judgment in your eyes, I won't give in by saying, "oh, he has Autism" to dismiss it.  Don't get me wrong, he can be downright naughty too, it's not always Autism, he's just five.  The only time you'll hear me tell you my son has Autism is if you say something ignorant about how I should spank him on the spot, or you offer some stupid parenting advice you heard on Dr. Phil.   Perhaps I should be telling everyone I know, but the word Autism comes with its own set of judgments. 

My daughter is 7; she is a kind-hearted, sweet, loving, sassy, sasstastic drama queen; oh and sassy.  As great of a kid as she may be, she is no angel. There does come a point in time where we need to take off the rose colored glasses and say, okay my kid can be a brat.  I question the child who doesn't misbehave.  Do I let my kid's run the house and act like it's a free for all I can't control?  Never and never.  I don't allow bad behavior, but it still happens.  We have strict rules, but we also have a lot of fun.  Kids test boundaries, that's how they learn.  My point is that we do what we can, we teach and correct and send them out into the world and pray to God they aren't licking another kid's face {yep, my son} or refusing to paint in art class just because they don't feel like it {my daughter}.  We can't be with them 24/7.  And it isn't the end of the world. 

 When the realization comes that your kid isn't perfect and they might act in public like they act at home; it's hard, I get that.  For the overwhelming majority of your child's life the biggest battle you will face is accepting and nurturing who they really are, and letting go of who you want them to be, or who you might think they already are at the tender age of 5.  My goodness, I wasn't the same person 5 years ago I am today, cut them some slack.

So bloggers, so parents; let's stop writing about how fired up you are about what another 5 year old said to your kid and how your kid is the model of angelic. They are 5.  Are we seriously ranting about what a 5 year old said?  I'm not dismissing obvious threats of abuse or harassment, which is never acceptable.  But if nana-na-boo-boo is ruffling your feathers, knock it off.  Besides, your kid just called my kid a booger-head, but I'm not going to blog about it and I’ll still think you're a good parent.   

I understand it's a parent’s biggest fear to even think their kid might be the bad kid.  But I'm here to tell you, my kid is the bad kid and he can't even help it sometimes; so don't sweat it.  Accept your child, every child for who they are: good, bad, indifferent.  Show them kindness and compassion despite the snake eye you really want to give.  You might be the only person the entire day to take notice of them, and they will always take notice of how you treat them.

Let's just leave the kids out of it.

Our responsibility as human beings is to care for everyone, not see how quickly we can bring others down, how quickly we can widen the divide between "good and bad", or what strategy we can use to one-up each other.  Let the 5 years olds duke it out for themselves, chances are whatever got them so upset in the first place is already forgotten about; maybe we can learn a little from them.  

*My rant on blogging ethically without lying, cheating, falsely accusing, name calling and pre-mediated drama and the like is in my drafts, I don't want to go there, but it's there. Sure, sure mad angry, controversial throw people under the bus type posts get page views {wait}, let's just try to blog more ethically and move on. *


I want to go out on a positive note here.  These are two posts that really inspired me this week. They made me look at life from our child's point of view, and how sometimes our expectations are so outrageous, we just forget they are kids.  Please give them a read, you won't regret it.  Salt In Suburbia: Words Come Second  and Daddy Knows Less: Walk A Mile.