February 03, 2012

Why Moving Is Like Giving Birth


Moving sucks.  Sure, sure, great benefits after it's all said and done.  That, my friends, is why moving is like giving birth.  You 'forget' about the labor pains when you hold your baby for the first time...and yeah, that's kinda true.  I like to think of that memory loss as a little gift from Jesus because I sure as heck remember how bad kidney stones hurt; and would rather cut off my pinkie toe than go through that again!  But push a watermelon out my vajayjay?  Sure! Sign me up.  {Darn it, Jesus}

So because I'm being harassed to blog, here you go, you'll be wishing I was still unpacking after this non-sense.

You Always Lose Something:

You know it's going to happen, whether it be your favorite shirt, photos, your husband's shot glass collection; if I had a husband anyway, wait...your husband!  I lost him 2 moves ago.  Someday, somewhere down the line you will utter the words, "I must have lost it in the move".  I can only hope the tribe of Zhu Zhu pets did not make it to our new location.

After a baby, you have a lot to lose.  Your sanity, piece of mind, quiet, nice butt, pre-pregnancy figure, spur of the moment anything, oh and of course your soul.  No worries, I'm not a baby hater they are very cute after all.

The Unknown:

Hella stressful birthing babies, moving and preparing for either.  No mater how prepared you think you are, your water will break in the grocery store and it will snow 7 inches on moving day.  Guaranteed.

Shut Up And Rub My Back:

I can't speak to everyone's experience here, but when I'm giving birth for eleventy hundred hours {or four}, I just want everyone to shut up and rub my back.  Don't talk to me, don't cheer me on, and actually don't even breathe in my general direction.

Likewise, I could give a flying fig about what is going on during the moving process.  I don't care what your Nana said to you, about your shiny new engagement ring or your promotion...pick-up a box and don't talk to me until the truck is empty.  Yes, I am that charming.

Are You Excited?

No, not in the least.  Huh, of course I am!  The kid is using my bladder as a trampoline, I haven't slept in 3 months, and I feel a certain connection with the good year blimp.  Am I ready?  Goodness, I'll just keep her in there until she's fifteen.

Same song and dance and obligatory conversation piece when it comes to moving.  "Do you love it" or "are you excited"?  Sure.  As soon as the boxes are unpacked and I can find my hairbrush and spatula; all will be right with the world.  I'm pretty excited about the sleeping arrangements too, as I can't find the tools to assemble my bed.  Party time.


I'm Never Doing That Again:

Yeah, you've said it.  Kids.  Moving.  Yep.

The end.

I haven't forsaken you, dear readers.  Sorry I haven't visited your blogs, answered your phone calls or emails, ignored your texts and have only briefly scanned Facebook twice in five days.  I assure you I am not dead, but may have just narrowly escaped.

{Missed all you dear people, glad to be back}

35 comments:

  1. Moving. Blarg. I prefer child birth. Always will.

    I have the sads to say I didn't even know you were moving. Are you relatively unscathed? Did you find your spatula, brush, and bed tools? Because those things are hella awful when lost. I always lose my toothbrush. And deodorant - which is way, way worse.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blarg indeed. And really the kid's switching schools is what almost sent me to an early grave. My bed is assembled at last and I actually found more deodorant, so I am stocked up!

      Guess on the positive side, you do find things you thought you'd lost too.

      Delete
  2. Fabulous! Perfect, perfect analogies. Like I told you on Twitter, when anyone brings up moving, that is my catch phrase, "I'd rather give birth." Such a horrible experience.

    Here's my worst moving experience: We were moving to the house we live in now, the one we built. During the last stage of the build, my husband kept begging me to be at the site, since he had to work, to make sure everything on our checklist was getting done. I argued that I had to pack up our house, that nothing was ready. He assured me that we would take our time moving. We hadn't sold our house yet, so we wouldn't move into the new house until we'd packed up everything. And so I focused on the new house completely.

    When our house was finished, we hired a piano mover to transport our piano to the new house. It was a man and his 4 very large sons. When he came to our house to pick up the piano, he told my husband he'd make him a deal on moving the rest of our things. Yes. Right there, on the spot, my husband made a deal and then announced we were moving everything right then, at that very moment. I have never come so close to killing him in my life. The piano man stood behind me for most of the move, as I packed up boxes, crying my eyes out. He stood there, clapping his hands and saying, "Come on, girl! We gotta get this stuff outta here. Let's get a move on it now."

    Moving sucks. Bad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh.my.gosh. Yes, I'd say your hubs is lucky to be alive! That would've caused me to breakdown, I'm to organized for that. It's like telling a germaphobe they can't wash their hands. My sister hired someone to pack for her, which would equally cause me stress.

      I sold my piano when I got divorced so I wouldn't have to worry about moving it. Makes me sad, but they are not moving friendly...and nobody will help you move if you have a piano.;)

      Delete
  3. I feel ya, we are about to move at the end of the month, so the boxing up of all our earthly possessions has begun. Also, tying to pack around an almost-2-year-old is a bitch. The packing, not the 2 year old lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh girl, my heart goes out to you. And moving with young kids stinks. Well maybe in 3-4 months we'll both be blogging about how much we love our new places.

      At least one can hope. Good luck dear, I'm praying for you.

      Delete
  4. Moving is the devil....I not only packed all my craps up Beverly Hillbilly style but then spent 3 days in a car with 3 kids, 2 cats & a dog.....only to end up in this place....Moving requires anxiety meds & Jack Daniels.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh the cross country move, huh? Yeah, that is the devil. Ben & Jerry's works great too. Maybe our vlog should be about moving and how craptastic it is.

      Delete
  5. Yuck - I hate moving... I hope you find your hair brush and we miss you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nessa, I started emailing you back and saved it because my kid spilled milk on the carpet; no lie. Thank for checking up on me. I've missed reading all your blogs too. I've gone a day or two without brushing my hair anyway, so I made it through that.

      Delete
  6. Yeah I'd rather give birth than have to move again. No lie. Last time I moved I figured out I needed a fake boyfriend. I will not do it again.

    Good luck with the bed even if you do find the pieces. If you're like me, something is not going to be put together right. I know, I'm your optimistic friend.

    Glad you're back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Girl, I always have too many screws left or not enough. How does that happen? Possible that I could face paralysis at some point when something falls on me from collapsing due to my handiwork. Luckily I have lots of glue.

      Delete
  7. Moving was ok before I got married and had kids. Now... well, moved two times in the last 3 years and don't want to do that again for a long, long time. Never fun. You just have to buckle down, hold your breath and keep going until it's over. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So true. I think I can exhale now. It's especially fun when the kids "help" unpack. Oy. Someday it will be organized, maybe in a year or two. ;)

      Delete
  8. Glad you are alive!

    Moving was slightly less painful than when I gave birth to my daughter. But that was a long time ago, so I could have it backwards.

    A couple loose screws, don't be afraid to slap some duck tape on that bed if it gives you lip.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, the memory loss thing is really working for you dude. Duct tape would've been great, if I could find it;)

      Delete
  9. Good to have you back, Cari. The blogosphere is never the same without you.

    Oh I hate moving... I hate change... it just stresses me out. But then again, that's an inevitable part of life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, it is never the same without me stirring it up, haha!

      Delete
  10. I've never had kids but if it's anything like moving I will avoid it forever - I feel your pains, it's so horrible isn't it!! Just think how lovely it's going to be when you settle in though!! xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, having babies is worth it too. I think you actually like them 18-20 years after giving birth:)

      Delete
  11. hahaha, nice analogy cari!

    i've moved several times in the past and i swear (and curse and curse some more!) that i'm not doing it again. it's just too tedious and time consuming and all those effort of packing and unpacking and losing stuff and throwing stuff....haaayyy!

    giving birth is another story. i think i'm okay with one ;) i'm not sure if i want to push another watermelon out of the life of me and those sleepless nights....another haaaayyyy :)

    hope you get by soon and your new place will be as warm and inviting as you :)

    hugs,
    ria c

    It's My Party
    Home is Where the Heart Is
    Red Lips and Pinky Toes
    The Travel Bug
    Handmade with LOVE

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, you are a doll, thank you! Yes they are both the pits, but great rewards when it's all said and done. Nothing worth doing in life is easy I suppose, sigh.

      Delete
  12. I'm still looking for a mitre saw that I lost the last time my wife gave birth.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hilarious and oh, so true! Hope you get some sense of normal real soon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Cam! I miss reading your blog too, ugh, soon hopefully:)

      Delete
  14. Happy new digs! I remember telling Ellie at the ripe old age of ten months that this would be the only house she would every know and the only way we would possibly move is if she had to have us put into assisted living.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha! Love it! Will she sneak you booze into assisted living? A good child will, start telling her that now too.

      Delete
  15. Ugh! I just moved.. and lost ALL of my pots and pans. If I wasn't ghetto poor right now (read: special ed teacher and autism mommy... enough said) I wouldn't mind the shopping option. Not an option right now.pooo. Loved being able to catch up on your blog!! I missed my blogger friends :)

    Kelsi @http://balancingthebucket.blogspot.com/ used to be Modern Mom, Redefined.. I started a new one! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ugh! I hear ya girl. Pots and pans don't come cheap either, and I know you and know we won't use the aluminum chipping metal ones that wreaks havoc on our kiddos system. Not worth the regression. Glad you're back!

      Delete

Let me know what you think by posting a comment or sending me an email, bubblegumonmyshoe@yahoo.com. I promise not to stalk you if you do!