March 05, 2012

If You Make This, I Will Hunt You Down


So just in case you live under a rock, and haven't ever heard me mention my homegirl, Solitary Mama, she is doing a hilarious Anti-Blogger series on things not to blog about. {Oh,  maybe you’re new here, welcome, sorry this is the first post you’re reading} The newest Anti-Blogger post is on recipe thievery, or just plain bad recipes, check it.

The response to her recipe post was overwhelming, and by that I mean, three or four of us were rolling and tossing around the idea of writing our very own bad recipe post.  Solitary caved to the pressure and put a link up on her site.  Daddy’s In Charge even did TWO: One and Two {you have to click #2 the Linky list on Solitary's post}. Overachiever.


So  I was in the middle of writing my cup o noodles post and I knew, I had to blog Octopus soup.  Now Octopus soup is a completely stolen recipe, but I will site it for good measure, I've also changed the wording to the directions as to match the absurdity of the photo.  Now before I astound you, this is an actual recipe that I saw on a  blog a while back.  No .Lie.  I have been laughing and gagging about it for weeks.  Behold:


Octopus Soup:  Intermediate, according to All-Recipes

Ingredients

·                                 1 (16 ounce) package hot dogs
·                                 2 (48 ounce) containers chicken broth
·                                 1 1/2 cups chopped fresh chives


If the ingredients alone haven’t made you start dry heaving, read on.




Directions:


  • Open your pack of hot dogs, which aren't particularly good for you anyway.  If you must, use some that don’t include fillers, perhaps the packaging might then include the word “natural”.  Steer clear of hot dogs labeled, “almost natural”, “1/3 less filler”, “made in China”.

  • This will require a sharp knife, butter knife, Swiss army, whatever you have on hand.  Slice it up, whoa, whoa, wait and don’t go crazy, leave a nub at the top for the head.

  • Gather chives and broth.  I’d probably go fresh on the chives here, the dried variety might have an unsettling crunchy texture.  My guess is if you’re making this treat for someone you “love”, you aren’t going with the homemade, organic, or even low-sodium broth. I assume you need to fetch the can opener and go to town.  Throw your chives and broth in a pot and boil it.  MMMMM, yummy, nothing like scalding hot chive-broth.  Pour said boiling broth into a bowl, oh, wait, it's soup now, I mean pour your soup into a bowl, plop in your hot dog and watch the magic…the jangly legs will curl and viola, an octopus.


Now if it were me, I might toss in some goldfish, just so my kids wouldn't starve, maybe some Swedish fish for dessert.

AHOY matey, a soup fit for a pirate.  Indeed. 

Disclaimer:  If you make this for yourself or for your kids, I will call Bobby Flay and his Food Network Posse to come hunt you down.

Now go have some fun and blog your worstest easiest recipe and link up over at Solitary Mama.  


31 comments:

  1. "leave a nub at the top for a head" and also "nothing like scalding hot chive broth"...this is the funniest recipe EVAR. Makes looking at that disgusting picture a little easier.

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    1. Does it? Make it easier to look at that picture, because I had to add that very last. Makes me throw up in my mouth a little every time I see it. Seriously, this wrote itself, too easy. Thanks for inspiring me and doing a link up:)

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  2. This had me cracking up and gagging, all at the same time! That is truly awful. I'm going to have to come up with a submission. Hilarious!

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    1. Girl, do it! I know it'd be hilarious, you have already somewhat tackled PB&J!

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  3. WHY is this labeled "intermediate??" What are the "easy" recipes?? I am a crap-ass cook and even I won't make this. Unless it's Trader Joe's chive broth...That changes everything.

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    1. Don't bring Trader Joe's into the mix here. We don't need them on our bad side or in any way affiliated with Octopus soup. I'm guessing anything that requires tools or flame is intermediate. Maybe all dips are easy, or instant pudding?

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  4. LOL Cari I literally LOL'd with this... i love how the hot dog is so artistically done!! xx

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    1. Someone had a lot of free time on their hands, all I'm saying. Next, I'm making gingerbread cut-outs with chicken.

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  5. Snicker....chive broth...lololol!!!! I agree: just why is this an intermediate recipe? Perhaps the kniving skills required for the hot dogs? LOLOL!!!!!

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    1. That's my guess. I was thinking you could also use the little wienies and have Octopi soup.

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  6. This is absolutely hilarious!!! x

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  7. It's brilliant and so easy to make... I am going to make it and post in on my blog, of course with a few variations and a credit to your blog.

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    1. On pins and needles! You're pretty good at this foodie blog thing!

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  8. Oh man this turned my stomach. Success!

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    1. Sorry:) I probably should've included a disclaimer at the top. Makes me shiver every time I look at it.

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  9. OMFG that is disturbing. Mega, uber disturbing.

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    1. I'll take that as a "no" you won't ever be making this. How about a FFF about hot dogs!?

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  10. Octo-vomit, I was hoping that recipe was a joke.

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    1. Afraid not, real and stolen. I rarely joke on this blog, sir.;)

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  11. This sets us back as a people... Centuries back.
    Ahh, the humanity!

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    1. And Lauryn, I hate to break this to you, but someone made this, or a version of this for their children today. I can't help but feel partially responsible.

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  12. This is all kinds of wrong. This will not be added to our #snackbook. But your telling of the tale is brilliant. :)

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    1. Thanks girls! And yes, highly advise against the making or sharing of this recipe. Block it out, for the best really.

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  13. LOL! um. that is gross. it sounds gross and looks worse. why would anyone eat that. YUCK!!!

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  14. More importantly, why would anyone {me} blog that?

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  15. My guess is if you’re making this treat for someone you “love” ...

    whoa, whoa, whoa... stop right there. If you "love" someone, you won't make this treat, EVER. lolz! I had no idea such horrible-ness existed in the world. Almost worse than BBQ-tater-chip-sammies. BARF BUCKET, ANYONE?

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Let me know what you think by posting a comment or sending me an email, bubblegumonmyshoe@yahoo.com. I promise not to stalk you if you do!