March 02, 2012

The Lies I Tell Myself...


I think everyone lies to themselves a little bit.  Oh these pants aren't too tight, no body will care if I wear my jammies to the Wal-Mart, they won’t notice if I’m gone, {here’s the Mack daddy}  I’ll do it tomorrow.  Whoa, whopper and we've all said it knowing there is a slim to none chance of follow through.   We tell our selves these little lies so we won’t go postal, or in my case maintain some semblance of a normal life.

So if I haven’t told you, I’m on a quest for inner peace.  I think I’m like ¾ of the way there, give or take.  Believe what you want.  This means a lot of self-examination; especially after I open my sassy mouth; but I digress. So I’ve come to terms with a few lies I tell myself and why I need to start being honest with myself:

Mr. Right Is Out There and I’ll Find Him Someday

Maybe.  I haven’t given up hope.  But I have come to terms with the fact that he might not be out there.  I still have like 40 years or so.  You see in order to be happy, I have to be okay with that.  I am okay with that.  If I spent my time or energy in the “waiting room’ I’d be missing out on so many other things.  I already think people don’t complete each other, they complement each other.  I don’t need anyone to make me happy; I have to do that for myself.  I'd have to say, I'm pretty doggone happy too.  At this point any man that can tolerate my snark {and alarming natural beauty} and that I can spend more than an hour with, without rolling my eyes twenty times, will just be icing.

I’ll Have More Kids Someday

Oh wait...I'm good.
I have two beautiful children, for whom I thank God everyday.  Selfish to want more, but I can’t help myself.  While I was still married, as I sat in the doctors office receiving my son’s Autism diagnosis, I remember the words, “please don’t let me be pregnant, please don’t let me be pregnant” run through my head.  I thought I was pregnant, but a blessing in disguise I wasn’t.  I don’t think it would’ve been something I could’ve handled, it would’ve torn me apart as I already felt like I was sinking in a unknown sea a named Autism.  Now, I’m older and wiser and know the ropes and think I could handle more children and allow myself to think…maybe.  But truth be told, I’m not getting younger, right I know, what kind of crap is that?  Things will only get riskier, my eggs are planning for retirement and I have to accept that that may not happen naturally for me.  I didn’t know I could have heartache for something that is just a glimmer of hope.  My kids just fill me with so much joy, I'm a junkie, I need more.

You Cannot Melt Cellulite

I’ll never forget the day I read the words, “cellulite…genetic…never goes away…no cure…”  It’s all a blur, all I remember is the tequila.  For years I have fell prey to the snake oil salesman, buying the magic cellulite crap cream, doing 9 bazillion lunges, and crazy yoga contortions.   The only hope there is out there is liposuction and airbrushing, and both cost money, money I don’t have.  Alright, I’ll get off the subject before you start stabbing the computer screen; sorry to be the bearer of bad news. 

I Can Be Friends with My Ex

Lie.  I think I’ve lied to myself longer than I should on this one.  It was for the kids after all.  I’m divorced for a reason,  if he changed or made some amazing transformation we might still be married; and my life is not a 90 minute happily ever after movie, so what am I thinking?  I was married to this person for 9 years, we still know how to push each others buttons, and as much as healing has occurred there will always be scars.  So friends, no; I’ve been burned one to many times here.  But friendly I can do.  Texting, simple hi and byes I can do. {You have no idea how much I edited this puppy down}

I'm Crazy or I'm Not Crazy

I am both the poster child and the self-proclaimed referee for all things crazy.  If you're going to say something crazy that makes no sense, I'll be the one to point it out to you.  On the flip side, rarely anything I say makes much sense.  Conundrum.  Have you ever said this to your friends, "is it just me?"  Loosely translated, that fool is the crazy one and I'm normal right?  Naturally only your best friends would tell you you're crazy and crazy people or people that want to shut you up would agree you're not crazy. You can't argue with crazy people either, that gets you nowhere.  Jury is still out, I may or may not be crazy. 

I’m Smokin’ Hot

Oops, typo, I still believe that one!

Are there any lies you tell yourself?  Go on, let the healing begin.

24 comments:

  1. As you so frequently and eloquently do, you hit the nail on the head! I have told myself all of those "lies" and had a good giggle reading because, THANK GOD I'm not the only one :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heehee, thanks Jessica. I am here but to serve. Just kidding, I think we all go through the same things in life, we are all just in different stages of denial.

      Delete
  2. Thanks Cari! I heard this yesterday, "Just let the movie roll." An elder must have said that! I think they spin or stream now. Keep it spinning. Don't wait, don't dwell, or ruminate. I guess I'm still telling myself the lie that Mr. Right is out there. I've moved into actually *believing* it though! But, I'm not waiting. I love my life as it is. Peace to you,Cari :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Star! I've missed you! See what kind of crap I spew out when you're not around. I always love your nuggets of wisdome, afterall, you are my official-unofficial-life coach/guru. Congrats, you have your hands full. Loved that, thank you! xx

      Delete
    2. wisdom. I don't know how that happened.

      Delete
    3. Gee, I better stay the hack away if this is the kind of "crap" you come up with! Oh and you dear Cari are my official-unofficial real life 'I Love Lucy" !!

      Delete
    4. I'm trying to stay humble here, but I need to work on my tactfulness.

      That's seriously the best compliment I've ever received. I happen to be an I Love Lucy fanatic. So that means you have to be my Ethel. But we don't have Ricki or Fred....so does that make us Thelma and Louise?

      Delete
  3. Love it....I'm so with you on loads of them too....maybe I'll make a list too. Great read :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks doll. And yes, lists on blogs are easy for some reason. I think you should still join me and Maj in the A-Z, but no pressure;) Got your "B", boxed wine, baby!

      Delete
  4. A BABY????

    Yes. Yes you are crazy. I feel the need to shoot it to you straight.

    I lie to myself about school breaks. I shove my head in the sand and pretend that they aren't arriving. We can't afford respite, and we don't have family in the area. So, school "vacation" means mom duty. I SHOULD plan. But I tell myself that I have time--the break is weeks and weeks away. That approach, by the way, isn't really working out so well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA! Thanks, Amy. I can't help myself. Here's the sad part, I am in complete denial right now thinking I have the slightest thing under control. This Autism jig is only going to get harder.

      I read your post about school break, brilliant and hilarious...per the norm for you;)

      Delete
  5. Snort...is it just me. I say that all the time too. One of these days someone is going to get honest w/my ass and tell me "yes. okay yes, it is just YOU that thinks that crazy crap..."

    I tell myself all of these lies. I figure if anyone's going to lie to me it may as well be me. However, here is the truth about you: you are strong and pretty and extremely smart and witty.

    That rhymed Seuss style. Telling myself right now I'm a poet.

    Bottom line, you are also kind of cray. But I'm lucky as hell to know you ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *sniff* You really are my bff.

      I'll admit I did think of you when I wrote that crazy bit, just because we do ask each other that every other day. I think we are both a little crazy with a shot of straight up bitch-ass-ness. BUT, anyone in this world who has ever done anything wonderful and life changing, or that has meant anything, has been called crazy. Einstein...crazy. The crazy people don't sit back and let people tell them what to do! I'm not saying I'm Einstein, I will probably never invent something genius, but I might say something really smart someday.

      I hope I will be seeing more poetry on your blog:)

      Delete
  6. Yes.
    Owned.
    I lie to myself every day...even at my age. I'm gullible that way. It's a survival thing because of the above mentioned genes I deal with all of my fantasies as realities. I can't help it. On the other hand. The gene pool was gracious in one area...We're all smokin' hot. (oops, there I go again).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All makes sense now. It's in the gene pool. Well I can say this for our family: we are a pack of crazy, delusional, very attractive, very FUN people. There is never a dull moment, and we kinda love to laugh. We got the imagination gene from Dolores, love her for that.

      Delete
  7. Sigh. The cellulite one was hard to accept for me. The having more kids one is right in front of me--if I want to pop one out (yeah, right, like they just pop out) by 40 I've got to get knocked up by November. I love your sense of humor! This was great.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, just do it, Molly! No pressure. I mean as long as the cellulite isn't going anywhere why not? Sorry I had to break that to you, I should send everyone a condolence Snickers or something.

      Delete
  8. Along with the cellulite lie I have also been telling myself something will get rid of the dark circles that have taken up permanent residence under my eyes. However, I, too, have stopped the lying. I bought new glasses that sit at just the right spot under my eyes to hide the racoon eyes. Getting older and telling myself lies aside, at least I can still be resourceful! Loved this post. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh girl, that's a whole other post, the lengths we go to, keep the lies alive! I am lucky and don't get dark circles, but my sister does, hahahaha, oh, I mean, sucks for her. But the other day one of my kids asked if I had a black eye, you should have seen my terrified face as I ran to the mirror, bad enough the wrinkles are multiplying. Luckily it was mascara. Darn kids.

      Delete
  9. Now I can't get the image of Tom Cruise saying, "You COMPLEMENT me!" out of my head :)

    Too bad about the cellulite. I think my world just crumbled there...

    The ex and I aren't exactly friends, but we are handling co-parenting pretty well, I think. There are no ill feelings, maybe because there wasn't really a deep kind of love between us to begin with.

    Oh you are crazy, and that's what's lovable about you. Yup, only your true friends will tell you that to your face :).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's true, I do hear that a lot from them; but they still hang out with me, so they must be crazy or mildly entertained.

      I know how much you love Jerry McGuire, I'm going to keep chiseling away at you little by little until you realize it's crap, Pep, complete crap;) Heehee.

      Delete
  10. My first visit to your blog and this is hysterical!

    One of my favourite lies: This chocolate bar only weighs about an ounce...I won't gain a pound if I eat it!

    Thanks for the giggles! :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Well good thing you landed on this post, Susan. Some of my other posts are questionable. Agreed the entire once/gram thing seems out of whack. Someone more scientific-like should redo the math conversion.

    ReplyDelete

Let me know what you think by posting a comment or sending me an email, bubblegumonmyshoe@yahoo.com. I promise not to stalk you if you do!