March 17, 2012

A Real Friend Will Tell You To Knock It OFF! {and Mom Jeans}


This post IS about friendship; however, it is not a warm and fuzzy post.  I'm talking about real friendship.  The friend that will always be there for you and always tell you the things you don't want to hear.  There are many people in this world who are more than willing to tell you the bad stuff, but when someone we care about tells us; it can invoke change.  I was recently tagged in a Facebook uh, note, whatever...tagged, with the Friendship Oath and this rang more true than the snugly, make you bawl your eyes out cards; which are indeed necessary and appreciated as well.  Good to find a balance I think.  These were obviously written by a girl, I'm not sure about the intricacies of dude friendship, and I'm not good at it.  I'll let you read a few of my favorites, then a true story to follow:

1. When you are sad ~ I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue ~ I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3 When you smile ~ I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

4. When you are scared ~ I will rag on you about it every chance I get until you're NOT.

5. When you are worried ~ I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused ~ I will try to use only little words.

7. When you are sick ~ Stay the heck away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall ~ I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I'll help you up.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask ~ because you are my friend.

{Not sure who wrote this, I googled it for 5 minutes and it's everywhere, it's brilliant, kudos to the author.}

I think we all have a friend like that.  I'm lucky and blessed to say I have a few. That friend will also listen to you cry for hours, hold your hair, be at your doorstep in your time of need, have the perfect words at the perfect time and tell you if you really should or should not wear the bikini.  Everyone deserves a friend like that.  But here is where it gets tricky.  In order to have that open, honest, pee in your pants funny kind of friendship, you have to be able to take the bad and move on without grudges.  You have to know it's coming from a loving place.  This is where something I like to call "tact" comes into play.  You have a 50/50 shot in the tact department with me, but I will tell you if your glittery eye shadow makes you look like a Bratz doll.  Not because I'm mean, because I care.  Because leg warmers and smocks aren't cute.  More than likely if I don't think they are cute, the boyfriend you complain you don't have won't think they are cute either.

So I talk the big talk like I'm perfect and stuff, right?  Mostly.  But I got a "talking to" of this nature of the worst kind and it stung.  Oh, it still stings.  I share because I care people, my embarrassment for your entertainment.  Now I am friends with all age groups, from 21 to 81.  This particular friend happened to be on the 21 end of the spectrum, which almost made me disregard the chat entirely.  I consider myself mildly fashionable, pretty cute, up to date; I'm not sporting a side pony-tail or anything velour.  I was wearing my more dressy jeans, if you will.  Please tell me I am not the only one with dressy jeans, Ann Taylor Loft, sometimes you can't wear jeans and you don't want to wear dress pants...dressy jeans.  Since I couldn't very well steal the photo, you will have to click the link to the exact dressy jeans I speak of.  I wouldn't dare post a picture of myself in the jeans, because my photo would be SEO'd or flagged or whatever for "Mom Jeans" and I can't have that.  Conversation went like this:

Friend: Cari, those pants are dangerously close to Mom Jeans.

Me: {Shrieking, babies crying, Blasphemy, head whip, you talkin' to me 'cuz I know you're not talkin' to me, I hate you} What?

Friend: Yep, dangerously close to the belly button.

Me:  {What! At this time I go to fetch a ruler, no joke} What is the "mom jean" standard?  I have over an inch and a half from the top of the jeans to the belly button, more like two, definitely two.

Friend:  I'm just sayin'.

Me:  I'd measure your ass crack to top of your jeans, but I don't want to contaminate my ruler.

We hugged it out.  Now as much as that stung, I know she was coming from a loving place.  She knows I would be mortified if I were wearing Mom jeans.  And honestly friends, looking at those pictures on the Ann Taylor website, I can see it a little.  But I need to look a little classier sometimes, it's not like they are acid washed teetering in ankle territory. 

So having a real friendship is being able to take the criticism and know it's coming from a loving place.  Can people be mean and cruel? Of course they can.  But friends won't let friends make an idiot of themselves.  I appreciate friends like that.

Now I pose these questions to you dear readers:

1) Do you have a friendship like this?  Do you appreciate unsolicited truth from a friend?
2) Was I wearing Mom jeans? Seriously, I need to know this.  




25 comments:

  1. OMG were you actually wearing those? I clicked on the link at the end in #2 where wearing is highlighted. I'm sorry those jeans are mom jeans. Fashionable mom jeans. There are tons of places to get nice jeans (we have casual Friday at work).

    I love the FB friendship thing. I think you are one of my honest friends. For some reason it seems my online friends are way more straightforward than my real life ones. Maybe IRL they're afraid I'll cut them.

    And then there's my kid. You don't know honesty until your kid tells you the green tights make you look like Peter Pan. She will tell me I look ridiculous in a second. I appreciate that. I also have a couple male friends who are painfully real. I believe that's when you know people really care about you though. Sugarcoating doesn't help anything.

    Great post, Cari. And yeah. Mom pants.

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    1. Well, thanks for the honesty. I also know I can count on you to tell it to me straight, love that about you. If I can't trust Ann, who can I trust? My world is crumbling...what is real? I must say, I don't wear these jeans often, and when I do, it is to work; not that that is an excuse.

      The more ridiculous I look, the prettier I get in my kid's eyes. She's no help whatsoever, I could be wearing a member's only jacket and she'd think I look beautiful. Gotta love that kid.

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  2. Those are cute. I don't know. They're not what I think of as mom jeans, but then, now you've got me thinking and saying, what does she mean about the bellybutton? I'm totally confused. They're not like Tina Fey SNL sketch of mom jeans, so I think no. But maybe I'm wrong? Maybe every pair of jeans I've ever owned, even from before I was a mom, were mom jeans? GASP! My head hurts now.

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    1. Tina Fey has a Mom Jean sketch? I'm going to you tube asap. I agree, I don't know what classifies mom jeans at this point either. Would I go clubbing in those jeans? No. But then again, I wouldn't go clubbing. This calls for another post. I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

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  3. Those jeans are cute but I can see how they could turn into mom jeans. THey are not mom jeans on the model (or any high waisted denim pant for that matter) becuase she clearly never had a child, probably 20-something and is on a celery and vodka diet. My definition of mom jeans is any denim that accentuates your less that flat stomach.

    Anyway, we should all be grateful for honest friends. Even when they point out you may be wearing something that is could be confused with mom jeans. Or when they told you how ridiculous you look in a cloud-print shirt and overalls and are continuing to bring it up 15 years later as a reminder of how they saved you from public humilation.

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    1. I kind of love that, with really good friends you can do something (or they can) totally asinine and then you can laugh about it 10 minutes/years later. There are many a college story that have still not been forgotten; to my detriment.

      Hahaha! I think I got pregnant with my second child on that diet.

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  4. 1) Do you have a friendship like this? Do you appreciate unsolicited truth from a friend? No...maybe? I can't handle the truth.

    2) Was I wearing Mom jeans? Seriously, I need to know this.
    I'm going to have to plead the 5th because I'm in the "Loving Auntie" category of your life and I don't want to shake that sacred ground.

    Great Post! Loved it!

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    1. And so it shall remain that way. I will play the role of loving niece who does no wrong and wins the lottery. :)

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  5. Well, I am seriously having a denim crisis because I can't find any jeans I like right now! I seriously only own ONE pair of jeans, which reminds me I need to get out running on my couch to 5k plan today so I can find some jeans I like in the near future, when I'm hopefully in better shape. Those Ann Taylor jeans probably are borderline mom jeans, but I think they are cute (probably because I'm older than you).

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    1. Right, you're seriously like how much older? I say a year at most. Actually I'm probably older than you are. I don't act my age, I should really act more responsibly which is why people think that I'm younger than I am.

      I have this same denim issue. I can't EVER find jeans that fit. Luckily I have been blessed with a small waist, but I have some junk in the trunk. Not a good combo when jean shopping. Oh, 5K, good for you, woohoo!

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  6. Uh oh. I clicked before I read the other comments and almost bought a pair of those jeans for myself! So, no, I didn't think they looked like mom jeans--but I'm no fashion plate myself. I think having the model wearing a tucked-in shirt is not helping, but I'm guessing they did that to show what the waist band looked like.

    And, yes, I do have friends like this, but our friendships have suffered somewhat since we all had kids and since we all live all over the country. It's a good reminder to get on the phone and give some of them a call!

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    1. Well I personally am still in shock that Ann would lead us astray. Shocked! I might be writing a letter. Or forwarding this post to save time. Yes, the tucked in striped nautical shirt is not cute, I wasn't wearing that. Where does a Mom turn for fashion guidance? Certainly not Peter Pan up there;)

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    2. Wait. Did you just call me Peter Pan?

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    3. No, I didn't, your kid did...but I might call you that from now on.

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  7. Ok...you are SO not alone...I love to do the "dressy jeans" when I need to look nice but not too nice. And I kinda love your jeans! Think I have a couple that are similar from Banana Republic. So I hope they aren't too "mom jeans"-ish! :)
    I've read a great blog post on mom jeans that you should check out...it's got some great advice for buying new jeans and how to avoid the "mom jeans" look. It's at http://www.graspingforobjectivity.com/2009/03/mom-jeans-and-dreaded-long-butt.html. The pictures they show to demonstrate their points are actually pretty impressive!
    Also, did you find the Tina Fey skit that someone else had mentioned? I didn't know she had one either and will have to see it!
    Lastly, I think I have a couple of friends that are pretty honest with me and I think I handle it decently well...most of the time. :)

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    1. I have not even looked for it yet, but I will. I think I'll post it on my Facebook page when I do. Sometimes you have to do the dressy jean, right? I should've also asked where everyone got their jeans....thanks for the link too;)

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    2. I cannot find any skit with Tina Fey including the words "mom Jeans". Boo. I scoured a lot of bad home made mom jean vids too.

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  8. You know you're wearing mom jeans if the site also shows a handy GIRDLE on the side bar which you can wear with them.

    AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!

    Going...to...find...my...composure...now...


    Amy
    fromthemomcave.blogspot.com

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    1. If you find your composure, I'll have to find mine...I say no. I think the word for girdle these days is Spanx.

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  9. They are mom-jeanish. Although the worst part of mom-jeans is where the pockets fit. On mom jeans, they arent really on your butt...moreso on the side-upper-hip. That is what makes them look ridic. I say if the pockets are in the right spots, continuing wearing them!!

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    1. It is all about the pockets. Some jeans could be nice but then the side pockets make you look like you should be competing in a horse show.

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  10. I certainly do have friends like that. Even though it hurts sometimes you need them. How else are you going to know when you look a hot mess!

    As for your Loft jeans... I didn't think they were mom jeans. When I think of mom jeans I think old school Lee jeans.

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    1. Cam, you and I, simpatico, my friend. That's what I think of too, with the tapered leg. You are fashionista, we need to address the mom jean crisis.

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  11. This post and all the comments are LOL-funny!!! I'm pretty sure ALL my pants are "Mom" pants otherwise my big girl panties would show over the top!

    Yes I am lucky enough to have a few "honest" girlfriends who have no problem laughing in a new post-pregnant (is that a word?!?), first-time mom's face that the only outfit she can fit into is ummmm...can't remember the exact words but "you're not going out in THAT are you?" come to mind. Hard to believe but yes we are still friends. :D

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