March 21, 2012

Things You Should Never Say To Me: A Triad Post


Every now and then in life, roads and circumstances will converge in such perfect union that is unexplainable.  That is not my life, ever.  But it is the Bitchery Triad.  {3 snarky bloggers+ 1post from each on the same ridiculous topic= Bitchery Triad}  How does one do three go about composing a follow up to Five Reasons I'm Smokin' Hot?  Booze and procrastination seem to be the ticket.  Without further adieu:

Five Things You Should Never Say To Me:


Rise & Shine:

Those two words might get you seriously injured.  To say I’m not a morning person is probably an understatement.  It really is a good thing I love my kids because that alarm clock, “mom…mom..momomoamamammommyymmmooom” would get any other person my laser eye.  Alright on occasion everyday, it gets them the laser eye.  The laser eye has been known to perfectly toast a piece of bread, so I guess it could really be considered multi-tasking.

Don't Sugar-Coat It:


I covered this in my last post.  But I would rather you be brutally, in a tactful way, honest than lie to me. A perfect example, a dude spews the line, "you're too good for me".  Yes, I am.  However, that would be some kind of sugar-coated crap.  Let's get real here.  By saying that, we have determined you have zero self-esteem, which makes me wonder why I was attracted to you anyway.  I am not some frail princess who can't handle the truth, if you don't like me, out with it.  Do I stalk you or scare you?  Tell me.  Maybe the two times you caught me outside your house peering in your window were weird, but seriously, I was on a walk.  So dudes, knock it off, just say you're not interested or you're scared; making excuses to try not to hurt my feelings is sort of lame.

You're Not That Old

Let me take a moment to dissect and analyze that statement.  It is the ‘THAT’ I have a problem with.  If one were to take the word “that” out of the equation, I would get, “you’re not old”.  I like that.  “You’re not THAT old”, would imply that I am indeed old, just not driving an electric scooter.  

I am about to hit the ‘descent’ portion of the airplane ride of life here, which typically speeds up.  Instances were  “you’re not THAT old” would not be an acceptable reference: my dating life, men, love, wrinkles, grey hairs, undiagnosed peri-menopausal hot flashes, my love for aprons or that I remember the 80’s and was not born in the 80’s.  And actually any other time ever really.

Shout out to the kid at the Kwiky-Mart who carded me to buy a lottery ticket.  I meant what I said, if I win, half is yours, sweet, sweet innocent child.


You Look So Sweet and Nice

Fangs under the lip gloss
Alright, I'm going to level with you; I am for the most part sweet and nice, but I didn't get into this Triad for having the most Girl Scout Badges.  When provoked or caught un-caffeinated I can get a tad irritable.  Do not let the Sugar & Spice appearance fool you friends, my mouth spews unsolicited advice, and sass on a whim.  Once, I was even referred to as the Axis of Evil; and not by my Ex-husband who can indeed vouch that I bite.  Venom.  Ssssst.  Yes, that’s right.  Puppies are cute too, but we all know how they can wreak havoc.


The "R" Word


Now as a Mama of a child with special needs,  do not ever, ever, ever use the word “retard” or “retarded” in any form.  By using the “R” word you are perpetuating ignorance and making you look ill-mannered, unintelligent and discriminatory.  There is no joke where that word would be acceptable.  If I hear you speak it, I will confront you.  If I read you wrote it, most likely I will never read you again.  Capeesh?  Thank you.

Now for the homework assignment:

1) Like the Bitchery Triad's Facebook Page, seriously some crazy stuff happening over there.

2) Go read my partner's in crime:  Christina and Marjorie's Top 5, or 4, who knows if they laid off the booze long enough to get to 5.

3) Tell me what someone, or I, should never say to you.



31 comments:

  1. I don't even like hearing 'you're not that old' and I'm not that old.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Then why did you just say that to me 3 nights ago, woman? True, you aren't that old...you're the little of the Triad, but you are smarter.

      Delete
  2. You know what's worse than Rise and Shine? It's singing rise and shine and adding something like punkin honey...

    And you do look too sweet. I believe Wonderboobs has corrupted us both.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it's camera trickery, you've seen the fangs in person.

      Delete
  3. Oh I hate rise and shine.... what about rise and slowly, quietly come to your own whits and senses while holding a hot cup of tea or coffee.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like the way you think, Bixler.;) It's just so cozy! But someone holding a cup of coffee already prepared would entice me to spring up. No, wait, no springing, but I wouldn't give the laser eye.

      Delete
  4. I remember the 80s and wasn't born in the 80s! Yay! We can be not old together. "I am about to hit the ‘descent’ portion of the airplane ride of life here" loved this! Totally how I feel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, like we're speeding up and going to vomit, woo! Glad we can grow old together, I'm going to be jamming to some one-hit-wonder 80's songs while cruisin' on my Hoveround.

      Delete
  5. LOL the rise and shine is AWFUL - my house-mate used to sing "good morning, good morning to you and you and you and you" every day. It's a miracle she's still alive xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, yes it is a miracle. Then again, I wouldn't confess to murder in a blog comment either. Your secret is safe with me.

      Delete
  6. Oh rise and shine makes my blood boil ! For me the worst one is youre too young to have babies ... aaagh !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes. Double-edged sword there. We want to look young, but we want the respect of being old(er). I just had an older gentlemen say to me the other day, "honey, you'll understand when you get married and have kids". I don't even argue anymore, or I lie and tell them I'm on my 3rd marriage.

      Delete
  7. 1. I Can't-
    If I have to say- yes you can- one more time I'm going to scream!!!!!!

    2. I thought I did-
    That's why we're talking about it to begin with-YOU DIDN'T

    3. Girth-
    Just tell me I'm fat already. If I hear it enough, I might get the urge to do something about it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In my defense...I thought I did. I actually say that all.the.time. Because I really thought I did. I don't necessarily think my memory is shot, it's just really overworked.

      Also, HATE, I CAN'T. Or defeatist attitudes of any kind, like I won't try because it won't matter or make a difference anyway. I don't like quitters I guess.

      Delete
  8. So funny! I hate hearing "Do you feel okay?" I feel fine, but I must look like shit for you to ask that. And, "my husband is out of town, so I am a single mom this week."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, you're not the only one...head over to Christina's post. Hate that too.

      I get that a lot. But I am actually a hot mess a good 90% of the time, so I guess it might be warranted in my case.

      Delete
  9. I'm going to man-up & admit here publicly that I am guilty of using the "R" word. A couple years ago, a friend brought to my attention my crass behavior, & while I've tried diligently to eradicate that term from my vocabulary, it still sneaks out every once in a great while. *blush* I'm sorry. :(

    Andi's Stupid Mouth, Y U no work rite?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Andi-Roo, thanks for your honesty. I am guilty of the same at points in my life. When we can be aware of the pain it causes, it'll find its way out.

      Thanks for being the Triad's number one fan, lol. Great tweets:)

      Delete
  10. Getting a hold of a human being (finally) on a customer service phone call ORRRRR getting up to the window to pay at the drive thru and hearing:

    "Hello,how is your day, ma'am?"

    Ugh. First of all, I am not a ma'am. Do I look like ur grandma? I know I aint no spring chicken, but c'mon!! How hard is it to use 'Miss' instead? The least one can do, since men r given the royal 'Sir' as their greeting!
    Second, do u REALLY want to know how my day is? Uhhhh??? Ummm? Do I lie? Do I dare share the truth? What? Bc I really dont think ur prepared for me to answer that question truthfully!. I REALLY dont feel like getting into it either. Besides there are ppl on hold & cars behind me that dont feel like waiting that long either. SERIOUSLY! WTF happened to good 'ol
    "How r u?" At least w that I can easily lie by responding w the good 'ol sarcastic-"I'm fine." Ya know?!?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Holy cow, I haven't had an Anonymous comment on this blog in....I can't even remember. But I can see why, glad you got to vent. Those drive-thru's are rarely a good experience.

      I suppose I don't mind being called Ma'am, actually. I think it's nice, unless it's a cute single guy calling me that in which case ma'am makes me livid.

      Delete
  11. Bless your heart. You're just as cute as a bugs ear, Sugar.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well between you, me and the fencepost pretty much any thing I have to say or write for that matter is as useful as a milk bucket under a bull.

      Still don't think I can trade the shell and cardigan in for a tube top, darling;)

      Delete
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    Display it proudly on your now award-winning site. You should be proud.

    Don Pennington

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Still not sure if that was totally brilliant or a real scam, either way, I'm impressed.

      Delete
  13. LOL! Good to know all these stuff sweet, opps...erase that... Cari ;)

    Hugs!!! Enjoy spring!

    Ria C

    ReplyDelete
  14. I suck at sugar-coating, so never that. Someone telling me I'm sweet and nice is code for: you're too overweight and short to date. If someone told me I was either or both, I'd correct them and tell them that I'm "mean and hateful."

    ReplyDelete
  15. Right on, Q! However, I don't believe any of it. I'm a pretty resilient gal, much easier to move on if people are honest from the jump instead of dragging you along for the ride. Have a great vacation;)

    ReplyDelete
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