April 05, 2012

Everything WILL Be Okay


Yesterday I had an out of body experience.  Not in reference to death; but when you are in a moment, outside of yourself, just listening, quietly and intently, knowing that in that moment you are experiencing some growth or self-realization or awareness.  I was blessed to be in the company of three truly remarkable  women.  Three women just dipping their toes into the pools of divorce and all the pain, toil and distress it brings. I too was there almost three years ago.

Now one would think amongst their stories of betrayal, abuse and manipulation; we would've had a grand ol' time ex-bashing.  But quite the contrary.  I saw how they were not just broken at this moment in time, but how they had turned on themselves.  I'll give you an example, I heard:

How could I have been so blind?

How could I not have known?

I should've left a long time ago.

How will I ever trust again?

My thoughts raced back three years prior, and I felt my chest tightening and I remember what it was like to cry more than not to cry.  And I remember how I felt like an idiot, and hurt, and damaged, and used.  And I told them it would pass, and everything would be okay.  All wounds will heal when you allow yourself to love again. Not dating love.  Just love.  Love for life.  Love for self.  Love that makes you get up and get dressed in the morning and brush your teeth.  

What infuriates me the most is that these men did not just rob these beautiful women of their trust for one person, but now they will be wary of every person.  They didn't "see" it because love is blind.  We want to believe and should believe that people are innately good deep down inside and will do the right thing and be faithful and nurturing spouses until death do us part.  That in my opinion is how it should be.  We should have no reason for suspicion because a marriage cannot be built on suspicion.  So I see nothing stupid about trusting your spouse.

I know they will find their way through the storm and inner conflict because I did.  And I'm happier than I've ever been, and I'm free, and I trust again.  Time heals wounds if you let it and don't get caught up in the anger.  If you don't let go of the anger, it will consume you, and you will never be able to move on; only be angry.  I know they won't allow the anger to swallow them up.  There is far too much beauty inside them to let anger fester.  I see it in their eyes and smiles, I see their strength although they may not.

And I sat there, listening and watching.  Remembering to be grateful to have made it through the storm. 

Everything will be okay.  

Everything is okay.

27 comments:

  1. You are....Love...Lovely....Loving....Loved....

    I'm happy the ladies have you to listen.

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    1. Honored to be entrusted to. Oh, mind if I copy and paste that for "L"? :)

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  2. Beautiful post my friend....

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  3. I love this. It is a stage or phase that we all go through and I see people going through it wondering if they'll ever be a normal person again. It certainly doesnt feel like you'll make it through, but you will. My daughter helped me keep my shit together or I definitely would've drowned. Thanks for sharing this.

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    1. Just as we said, survival mode for the kids helps for awhile. But there comes a point where you have to push through. It's hard to tell someone they will be stronger and happier on the other side, it seems so incomprehensible at the time.

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  4. The storm sucks, but coming out the other side is wonderful! I wish I had someone like you to listen when I was in the thick of it.

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    1. Oh, thank you. And agreed! You can be there to listen when someone needs it. It is very healing. I'm glad you made it out okay.

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  5. It wasn't seen because love is blind

    So well said!!

    In part this is what I grappled with in my mind as I wrote my post on divorce. Love is blind. To love in that manner--and through the difficult times with special needs kids--requires a great deal of trust in that other person.

    What if that other person breaks your trust?

    My thoughts are a snapshot of the "before". These women are experiencing the "during". You are here today to say that there is an "after"--and it will be okay. Thank goodness for that. They are so lucky to have your support!

    Nicely done.

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    1. Your post was so great, Amy. Loved that they coincided this way. With all written and published from you and I, isn't it funny that there is no concrete answer? I don't think one exists either. There is and will always be the possibility of the other person breaking your trust. But it is so worth taking the risk. You and your hubs will be in it for the long haul, laughter is glue in a marriage.

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  6. Wow. What a beautiful post. I hope they see the example in you of what can be on the other side of pain.

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  7. I think those women were blessed to be in the company of truly remarkable you.

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    1. Awww, making we all weepy and big-headed. I think, or I know, that God put me in that exact spot at that exact moment. I LOVE when that happens!

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  8. First let me just say WOW! And second, where were you 3 years ago? I so could have used these words, even if they were almost impossible to believe at the time. You are so insightful, and such a wonderful friend! This is a beautiful post, thank you!! Hard times happen, and it's not always easy to see the inner beauty and light that we all possess, these women will make it through, especially with a friend like you to be there for them. We all need to be reminded sometimes that we are worthy of love, and that we must first be content with and love ourselves. It is a battle at times but no one can take that inner you away. I wish I could hug them all and tell them they are beautiful and worth so much more than to be treated in such a way, not to close off their hearts and to keep their heads up, life will follow!!!

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    1. Beautiful comment, lovely. Well, three years ago, I wouldn't have been ANY help to you at all. I was too busy battling a sh*t storm. I've really only learned in the past few years, that saying nothing in those circumstances is the best gift I can give. So rare to find someone, even when I was in the thick of it that wasn't giving me advice. To be heard is to healing in itself. I'm here now chicka, anytime. But we're hella awesome now, so we can just have fun!

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  9. it's so great when our stories can help others!

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    1. Thanks, Mrs. P. Cute blog you have too, totally get the pancakes thing now.:)

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  10. This post was awesome and appealed to the lost woman I was almost four years ago when I decided to divorce my daughter's father. It was by far one of the most painful things I went through, and it got to the point where I was putting baby to bed and downing a bottle of wine every night. I almost wasn't coping, and I certainly didn't have trustworthy friends. It would have been nice to know someone like you to come and take that bottle out of my hand and tell me everything will be okay. Now it is okay, but man that divorce stuff sucked.

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    1. Thanks for sharing that, Amberr. I think we all find a way to cope, to survive because to feel all that hurt at once is too much. It takes so long to heal because it comes in waves, when we can handle it. Brokenness can be devastating and ugly. It makes us appreciate the wonderful on the other side all the more.

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  11. I don't think it's right that you made me cry in public. Seriously, this was so nicely aimed, hits right square in the middle of my heart. I remember, too. And now I ache all over again for the women still there in the "during". I hope I can offer friendship & understanding to someone the way you have herein. I'm glad to have met you. Thanks so much for sharing this intimate portrait of yourself.

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    1. Ditto, darling, glad our paths have crossed. I think nothing is by chance in life. Everything and everyone we come into contact with, is for a reason. Even if it ends badly or our expectations aren't met, we can learn from those experiences/people. Important to remember we don't walk this life alone, there is always someone there to help if we allow it.

      2 points for making you cry! Just kidding. I'm a weepy bawl bag, I bawled my eyes out writing it if that helps.

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  12. Found your blog via the A to Z challenge. Haven't been through divorce but have been through some tough times. I think sometimes we are allowed to go through those things so that we will have the wisdom to help others that go through it too. Glad your friends have you during this time in their lives.

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  13. I believe that is the definition of wisdom right there. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

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  14. Aww - lovely post! Lookforward to reading more!

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  15. Thanks for stopping by and for the retweets!

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