April 17, 2012

Oh My Gosh I'm Giving Birth!


I completely had my "O" post planned out. I was to write a thought provoking post on outlines. I know one person who writes an outline for her blog posts and was surprised I did not.  Really?  You've read my blog right?  In her defense, she is a genius.  BUT, then there was an intervention. I was checking my stats, just a glance, I don't pour over that sort of thing when I noticed someone found my blog by searching with the keywords, "o my gosh I’m giving birth". Excuse me, what?

I had to search the recesses of my memory bank to find out how this combination was even possible and would lead some poor soul here. I have written about the aftermath of childbirth, not pretty people.  But I have never really written about giving birth, or at least I don't remember it.  I thought it only right to make the SEO concrete on this puppy and write a post. 


First I should say, if you are indeed giving birth at this moment, you probably shouldn't be reading my blog. Run along; call your doctor or a health care professional. Oh, I had two wonderful birthing experiences, so it's going to be okay. *wink* Now you should really go.  Really.

Also, Cari is a great name, however I would change the spelling were I you.  A lot of mispronunciation here and I get called ‘Carl’ a lot.  Sometimes there is no dot on the I.  Food for thought, best of luck.

Crazy keyword searches do make great posts, but I forget to write that kind of thing down.  And even if I did, I'm sure to lose the list.  Maybe I should study SEO a bit more?  But like I said, that doesn’t interest me much.  I have come to the realization that I should have a tab which offers Bubble Gum removal solutions.   However when I googled them, it just led me straight to my blog.  See?  Being a person that seems to know a little bit about everything and not a lot on one specific thing, I do have some advice:

For gum in the hair, rub in a spoonful of peanut butter and it will come out.  Once the gum is removed, I would probably wash the hair, or add jelly.

For gum on a shoe, the only solution I’ve found is rubbing it off on the sidewalk, cursing while rubbing helps pass the time, or using that goo-be-gone stuff.  It truly works. 

If you are a blogger, what is the strangest keyword that has led someone to your blog? 

Aren't you glad it wasn't outline? Half-way through the A-Z Challenge!  Really would've loved to have pulled an Ellemenopee.




35 comments:

  1. every month or so I get something along the lines of "pregnant chick gives hj". seriously. made me rethink my sons name.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yuck. No doubt I get some disturbing searches. Lots of dudes looking for girls in jeans with heels and no socks. That leads them right to my New Kids on the Block post, almost Karmic right there, lol.

      Delete
  2. Did yoy change your blog it looks different? I get all sorts of searches for chicks with mustaches. You would not believe how many people are searching for a girl with a big hairy stache. I have also had searches for armpit hair but neither of these are really mysterious.

    You're doing great on A to Z. Proud of you, by the way. Now I am going to search bubblegum in my armpit hair and see if I can make it lead me to your blog somehow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No changes, it's probably the two different fonts on my post which Blogger refused to correct. Yes, no need to tell me to move platforms...on it.

      Well, I really do have to say you are quite attractive with a mustache actually. IF you guest posted for me, we might be able to work out a little MOvember-bubble-gum-arm-pit action.

      Thanks, didn't YOU rope me into this challenge?

      Delete
  3. Awesome post--so funny! You've got a new follower. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome! Brace yourself, you never know what is going to happen around here.

      Delete
  4. If I happened to be giving birth at this moment, I would laugh that baby right out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perhaps I should go into obstetrics? On second thought no.

      Delete
  5. I have three blogs, one of them which is related to personal finance, and I got a search referral once for "why is my vagina so slow" - I have never figured out what in the world that had to do with personal finance, but it sure gave me a laugh!

    PS. Outlines? There are actually people who take the time to plan their posts instead of just puking thoughts onto the screen? Whoa.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Holy Toledo, 3 blogs?! Haha, that is a good one, now I'm going to have to go type in "fast vagina" and see where it takes me. Obviously people are more prepared than I when they blog, that's why their blogs are better...I find puking my thoughts to be more organic. The results? Shady.

      Delete
  6. LOL. I was surprised by the number of folks who found my blog searching for the OMG Girls. I just smile and nod.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have no idea who the OMG Girls are. But I also reside under a cable-less rock. They sound fun! I would google it, but it's really only going to take me to your blog, in which case I was going there anyway.

      Delete
  7. Oh Cari, I've had some doozies, but this week, they're fairly tame. "bitter" which kind of send me soul-searching - so I sound bitter? Or should I be mixing drinks with bitters?

    "how not to be a pushover blog" and "angry ants".

    "Oh my gosh I'm giving birth" sounds like a weird, weird search to me, but clearly I understand nothing about SEO.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SEO is always better with drinks! Been to your blog, didn't see either of those things if it counts for anything. Many people also find my blog searching Moo-moos. I've also found that if you quote Different Strokes, "whatchoo talkin' bout Willis?" it will bring you page views for an eternity.

      Delete
  8. I've gotten "peeing in snowpants." WHAT?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Good lord, I just went and checked my stats for this week and found that the search keywords that led to my blog were (among others) "constipated chicken," "smelly donkey poop funny," and "dirty toy story memes." I am writing the wrong kind of blog, obviously.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you write a GREAT blog, I look forward to it, whenever you get around to it (you should blog more, understandable, but you should). Who in the world searches funny donkey poop? Well, maybe you got a new reader out of it?

      Delete
  10. Oh my that is too funny! Just had to check mine. Seems 6 people have actually searched for "Herding Cats" and ended up with me. Then a couple not so G rated searches because of a book review for a "Some Girls Bite" book review. Oh. My. Had no idea you could see stats like this. I'm so gonna have to keep an eye on that. Love it!

    Anna@Herding Cats & Burning Soup

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You do have an intriguing name, I must say. I didn't know one could herd cats...collect them, yes, but never heard of herding. I think I just figured out your name there, it took me a minute, but I'm following ya.

      Delete
  11. OOOhhhh! I love posts like this! You should do it regularly!!! Alas, mine are boring.

    However, I will claim fame to one search that brought someone to my blog after typing in the words, "Best Sex Ever."

    Thank you very much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am not worthy.

      Shush, your blog is great, what's with you guys and all your boo-hooing about your blogs? Look, you are on my blogs I stalk list, and I have impeccable taste. Enough said.

      Delete
  12. NO STATS YET is what my searches bring up...lol!
    I don't actually use keywords or tags...I'm a closet blogger. Part of me doesn't want anyone to see my innermost thoughts...but part of me does...so I blog without tags.
    (I have a few)
    ha ha ha .... that's me alright..

    You know I love your blog. You Crack Me Up!
    I would highly recommend your blog to anyone needing to kickstart the labor process...Out Loud Laughter works to induce...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I think you're blogging for all the right reasons then. If there is a right reason. You are a little rogue over there, it's what I like about you. In a way though, I think all bloggers have a sliver of narcissism and love feeling the love. Or let me put it this way, we like to be heard, read and appreciated; sounds better.

      Delete
    2. You're right...and feeling the love :)

      Delete
  13. I don't even edit my posts before I slap em up on the blog, much less do an outline. I honestly couldn't even imagine what an outline of one of my posts would look like. Catchy(sometimes) title, blah blah crap, done. Maybe I should give it a go. :-D

    I've never actually looked at my SEO's. Maybe I should, probably be nice to know where and how people were finding me. Could give a shout out to them. I imagine it probably has a lot of things to do with stalking, stupid boys, and two year old boss.

    Great post!! Go you for getting this far, it's harder than I thought it was going to be!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Six months ago I thought SEO was a cult. I still might. And I'm terrible at editing, cannot tell you how many times I have to go back in after I've published and still...should have my 7 year old proofread for me.

      Delete
  14. My blog is new and I just moved so i haven't written that many things (excuses, excuses) but funniest search is the anthropological ... uh, what? And the majority of my traffic is coming from Russia?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, that would make me feel important. Interesting demographic, wonder why? They probably like your recipes, lol;)

      Delete
  15. I can't imagine outlining a blog post. I'd rather just have diarrhea of the brain. Seems more honest that way. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Haha, that's hilarious. Keyword posts are funny.

    Jessica
    A to Z Blogger & SF/Fantasy Writer @ Visions of Other Worlds

    ReplyDelete

Let me know what you think by posting a comment or sending me an email, bubblegumonmyshoe@yahoo.com. I promise not to stalk you if you do!