April 24, 2012

Unapologetic


A friend and I were talking today about guilt.  The guilt we felt for being happy.  Now mind you, our lives aren't all roses and happily ever afters.  We just make a conscious choice to live happy and not live in despair, distress, or as a victim.  When life hands you lemons you can live a sour existence or you can get out the salt and tequila.  Your choice.  Because I seem carefree does not mean my life is, but it is the perspective I choose.  Carefree is as carefree does?  Either way you need to deal with it; so why not propel yourself forward instead of remaining stuck in a bad place?  Often times the propulsion doesn't involve running away, that just compounds the problem.  It often means attacking it, finding some resolve, communicating, working on it or through it.

Here is what I'm not comfortable with.  The fact that we were discussing if it was okay that we were happy and then questioned our happiness. Is there something wrong with us because we're happy and happen to laugh a lot?   Brakes.  That statement is wrong on so many levels. Are we missing something?  Are we shirking responsibilities or living with rose-colored glasses?  No.  We just don't choose to sad all the time.  I cut those people out of my life anyway, the ones who complain they just can't find someone, or get a good job, or nothing ever seems to go right.  They are draining.  I admit, I spend far too much time trying to be people's cheerleaders only to be left empty; so then I have to release them.  If I allow them to deplete me of my joy inside, I will have nothing to give anyone.  That's just simple self-preservation.  But everyone deserves a fair shot.  Does it mean I'm giving up on them, no way!  I just think they better find another cheerleader before they take me down with them.  In my life experience, I have had my share of turbulent weather; even in the storm the blessings have always out numbered the disappointments.  Hard times and disappointments lead to new doors and pathways; paths we probably never would've glanced at had we not been forced to.

I'm not going to apologize to anyone for being happy.  I shouldn't be made to feel guilty for that.  If you envy it, change it for yourself.  It is as easy as shifting your perceptions. Muster your courage and do it.  But the want to be really happy has to be there instead of the desire to stay miserable.  Miserable must come with perks, otherwise people wouldn't stay in a perpetual state of gloom.  I suppose you get hours of whine time, days of woe-is-me, a super cozy comfort zone and buckets of sympathy.  Sympathy or empathy can be comforting, nothing wrong with it; just don't become an addict.

Life is too short.  Too short to be mad and angry, too short to be lonely and depressed, too short to apologize for doing what you love and really living.  Maybe you haven't found your path; you can, you will.  I have and I'm not apologizing for it.

Unapologetic. A-Z Challenge. 

43 comments:

  1. I don't get it either... it's OK to have a bad day every now and then, but life is too short to be sucking the life out of everyone around you. You have nothing to apologize for.

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    1. Thanks, JW. Suckers. Life is waaaay more fun without all that crap.

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  2. Some people just aren't happy unless they're UNhappy.

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    1. Yep. I can't even wrap my head around that. It makes no sense whatsoever to me. Maybe they'll find a vaccine for life long slump someday.

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  3. You should never apologise for being happy - unhappy people (as Gina above said) are often unhappy at their own choice - and a drain. If you're miserable then you're of no use to anyone!! You stay cheerful!!! x

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    1. I think what bugs me most is that misery loves company, and they will knowingly or unknowingly drag you with them...relentlessly. Will do on the cheerfulness!

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  4. I think, at some point, we all feel guilty sometimes for being happy - but it's stupid! As happy people we're much more inspiring to other, more unhappy people, than we would be joining in with their misery! You only get one life - wy spend it miserable!! x

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    1. Well Amen to that! Couldn't have said it any better myself.

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  5. Good pep talk. I'm eternally optamistic, always seeing the best in any situation. If offered a lemon, I'd make pancakes and squeeze the juice over the top with a sprinkle of sugar. Blog on!

    http://francene-wordstitcher.blogspot.com

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    1. I really am an over the top optimist, no illusions, but I think people are capable of more than they give themselves credit for; if they only try.

      Blog on, lol, love it. Thanks, Francene.

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  6. Lady Bubble Gum...you are wise beyond your years!...or maybe I'm just so much older than you and am still trying to find my inner peace. I'm so proud and happy for you. You have found your way to encourage and teach through blogging.

    You are the Joan of Arc blogger.
    Today's blog has hit me in a special way...thank you.

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    1. You know I can't take compliments right? Only that I'm pretty, can totally take that one, but otherwise, I have issues. I don't set out to teach anything, just be me and share my observations. If that helps or inspires; well than that is a blessing. I'm glad this post was special to you, love ya!

      And I bet you find inner peace before I do, still working on it.:)

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  7. Me neither. What people don't realize also is that while they are looking at my life and thinking it's perfect, I may be looking at their's and thinking the same thing. I wonder sometimes if I'm giving people the wrong idea...that this single mother life is fantastic and fun, when really I just want to give hope that it gets better and life isn't over. That you can be happy in spite of the circumstances.

    Great post, Cari. Thanks.

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    1. Well thank you for the inspiration, friend. Outside looking in always seems more appealing though. The "you're lucky you're not married" bit always rubs me the wrong way and makes me feel itchy. I never set out to be a single mom, and don't wish that one anyone; but it is and that's okay and I'm choosing to be happy despite it.

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  8. Happiness is where it's at! And in spite of our circumstances, we can choose to be optimistic and spread that positivity around. Thanks for your great post! I have just become your newest follower :)

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    1. Life is so much more beautiful when we just enjoy it! Well welcome, Judy, you caught me on a good day, by the way.:)

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  9. This was a great post!! I hate being unhappy, I mean it happens, we all have things in our lives that we maybe wish were different, but that's life. Deal with it. If you are always feeling sorry for the things you don't have then you will never appreciate the things that you do. I am on my path to happy, it may not always be easy but my good far outweighs the bad. Christina is so right too, being a single mom is a challenge, there are things about it that truly suck, but there are also things about it that are amazing. I wouldn't change it for anything. I love my life, even with the less than desirable parts, because I AM moving forward, and that's a great feeling. I know I am working to change the things I don't like. And if I happen to find Mr. Right along the way, well bully for me, but it isn't required for me to be happy. I have an amazing little girl, a flexible job (albeit with crappy pay but whatever), and I am working in school towards a career I feel truly passionate about, what could be better than that. :-)

    This really was a great post chick! You should never feel guilty for being happy! You deserve happiness, we all do, and I will kick anybodies big bahookie ;-) if they try to mess with mine.

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    1. Haha, I should hire you as my bodyguard. As you know, oftentimes I say things without a filter. The pay is crappy here too, but I live in Happytown.

      Life hands all of us crap, what we choose to do with it from there is in our hands. Look at the Lotus flower, beautiful, yet it grows in the worst and most dirty place.

      Proud of you, and glad you have found some happy too.

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  10. YES, YES a million times YES!!! I just had this conversation with a friend yesterday. We had both just been encountering way too many bitter Betty's and neither of us are that way. Like you, I choose happiness everyday. It's not that everything is perfect but it's certainly not as bad as it could be! I say all that time that what you focus on grows. If you only focus on the bad you'll never see the good all around you! Great post!!!!

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    1. Right on! What you do focus on grows, good or bad. Great perspective, Cam. Either way it is infectious...happy or sad. I think it takes more effort to choose happy, but the rewards outweigh being stagnant.

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  11. Attitude is a choice. Choose joy.

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  12. Perpetual complainers will always find the downside in the happiest of circumstances. You are right - perspective is a choice!

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    1. Totally a choice. This first leap towards happy must be scary I guess, because I think people fear happiness. I wonder why? Thanks, FK.

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  13. Yes, I certainly think joy is a choice. I can get sulky at times, for sure, but I bug myself more than anyone I think!! (Well, and maybe my poor husband!) Usually, once I realize that I'm being immature, I snap out of it and move on. Life is so much better when we appreciate it. Right??!

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    1. I think we all get 'sulky', nobody is happy all the time. But some people don't realize it, therein lies the difference. Sometimes we need to vent, but we should let it go after that not continue on and rehash it. And yes, life is amazing, I'd hate to miss all the good stuff.

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  14. what ever happened to the tune "if you're happy and you know it - clap your hands" I think more people should start clapping, its catchy

    happy A to Z
    baygirl32.blogspot.com

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    1. "Don't worry be happy"? Another good one, easier said than done. Nothing worth doing in life is ever easy.

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  15. You're ahead of me on this one. I agree our attitudes are our choice, but it's hard form to maintain my joy when there is pain all around me. I admire you're ability to lose the guilt. I'm working on it...
    Karen

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    1. I'm sorry to hear that, Karen. I guess I can't feel guilty about making good decisions. I hope you can find some happy soon! You will;)

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  16. Yeppers! Pass the salt please. And, make it a double.

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    1. Naturally! Life is much easier to bear with a margarita.

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  17. I like this post (and I love your blog name, too)! It is just somehow wrong if someone makes us feel the need to applogize for being happy. Life is too short and too filled with happy people to waste time on someone who only wants to drag you down with them.

    Dropping by from A to Z; it's nice to meet you.

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    1. Exactly, that's why I prefer not too. Takes a lot to get me to that point, but eventually, I get there. Nice to meet you too.

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