Sorry I've been absent from the blog for a bit. I've been:
a) Whipping my brat kids into shape, ala Bubble Gum boot camp
b) Working on my tan
c) Indulging in a romantic tryst with a hot dude
Could be one, could be all of the above, you'll never know. Okay friends, back to the post at hand. Tis the season of the boring holiday blog post, therein, Father's Day. You many have seen one or twelve of the following: 10 Perfect Father's Day Gifts, What to Get Dad for Father's Day, Homemade Father's Day Gifts, etc. The list goes on and on, endless and boring. Seriously? I'll tell you want men/Dads want for Father's Day...sex. That should about cover it. Best. Gift. Ever. If you are rolling your eyes and feel a headache coming on, try bacon as a back-up.
Since I am the single parent, Mom and Dad of my two offspring, I think I deserve a Father's Day Gift also. Since sex is pretty much not happening, and I don't particularly care for bacon, I have some other ideas.
|I am the prettiest based on lack of facial hair alone.|
Don't take this the wrong way ladies; I'm all for women's equality and doing what they can do
better, blah, blah. However, when it
comes to vehicle maintenance, I would rather pass the torch. For
example, just last week the tail light (bulb) of my car needed to be replaced.
I, being somewhat thrifty and capable decided to do it myself. I
can read the manual after all, where it is clearly outlined and pictures are
included. An hour in, three lacerations to the forearm and a varying
array of curse words later, the bulb was replaced. Who knew I had to
disassemble the back half of my car? This is clearly worth the $25
dollars for someone else to do next time. Live and learn. I would
also like someone to change my oil. I don't do that, nor do I have the
desire. I don't even have the desire to sit at the Jiffy Lube for 12.5
minutes while the 3 high school kids do it for me. But I will. The
car maintainability alone will drive me to marry again.
After the bulb replacement debacle, I came upon a startling realization...I need tools. My toolbox includes two screw drivers and a hammer. What was I thinking when I said, "take the tools" in the divorce? I would now kill for the cordless drill and whatever wrench I could've used disassembling my tail-light. I ended up using one of my jewelry tools, bent nose pliers, to be exact, when I couldn't get the bolt to budge. Righty tighty, indeed. Tools would also come in handy when assembling the 58 slats into the mission style desk I acquired and promptly thought of making a bonfire out of. That friends is for another post, it's too fresh in my mind.
Breakfast In Bed:
Because I'm seriously still waiting from Mother's Day. And while I'm at it, it would be nice not to hear the complaints from all the other Mom's/Dad's on Twitter and Facebook about how "disappointed" they were in their gifts from their spouses/kids. Knock it off. The handmade card should be enough. We all just want to feel appreciated.
The list could really go on and on, golf clubs, spa days, and a new tie. But I'm going to end this before it becomes anymore painful, besides I'm saving it all for my Christmas wish list.
Happy Father's Day to all the Dads and Moms out there, I hope you know how much you are appreciated and loved.