June 11, 2012

What to get ME (Mom) for Father's Day


Sorry I've been absent from the blog for a bit.  I've been:

a) Whipping my brat kids into shape, ala Bubble Gum boot camp
b) Working on my tan
c) Indulging in a romantic tryst with a hot dude

Could be one, could be all of the above, you'll never know.  Okay friends, back to the post at hand.  Tis the season of the boring holiday blog post, therein, Father's Day.  You many have seen one or twelve of the following: 10 Perfect Father's Day Gifts, What to Get Dad for Father's Day, Homemade Father's Day Gifts, etc.  The list goes on and on, endless and boring.  Seriously?  I'll tell you want men/Dads want for Father's Day...sex.  That should about cover it.  Best. Gift. Ever.  If you are rolling your eyes and feel a headache coming on, try bacon as a back-up.  

Since I am the single parent, Mom and Dad of my two offspring, I think I deserve a Father's Day Gift also.  Since sex is pretty much not happening, and I don't particularly care for bacon, I have some other ideas.



THIS:
I am the prettiest based on lack of facial hair alone.


An Auto-Mechanic Type Person and/or Gift Card To Auto Shop:

Don't take this the wrong way ladies; I'm all for women's equality and doing what they can do better, blah, blah.  However, when it comes to vehicle maintenance, I would rather pass the torch.  For example, just last week the tail light (bulb) of my car needed to be replaced.  I, being somewhat thrifty and capable decided to do it myself.  I can read the manual after all, where it is clearly outlined and pictures are included.  An hour in, three lacerations to the forearm and a varying array of curse words later, the bulb was replaced.  Who knew I had to disassemble the back half of my car?  This is clearly worth the $25 dollars for someone else to do next time.  Live and learn.  I would also like someone to change my oil.  I don't do that, nor do I have the desire.  I don't even have the desire to sit at the Jiffy Lube for 12.5 minutes while the 3 high school kids do it for me.  But I will.   The car maintainability alone will drive me to marry again.

Tools:

After the bulb replacement debacle, I came upon a startling realization...I need tools.  My toolbox includes two screw drivers and a hammer.  What was I thinking when I said, "take the tools" in the divorce?  I would now kill for the cordless drill and whatever wrench I could've used disassembling my tail-light.  I ended up using one of my jewelry tools, bent nose pliers, to be exact, when I couldn't get the bolt to budge.  Righty tighty, indeed.  Tools would also come in handy when assembling the 58 slats into the mission style desk I acquired and promptly thought of making a bonfire out of.  That friends is for another post, it's too fresh in my mind.

Breakfast In Bed:

Because I'm seriously still waiting from Mother's Day.  And while I'm at it, it would be nice not to hear the complaints from all the other Mom's/Dad's on Twitter and Facebook about how "disappointed" they were in their gifts from their spouses/kids.  Knock it off.  The handmade card should be enough.  We all just want to feel appreciated.

The list could really go on and on, golf clubs, spa days, and a new tie.  But I'm going to end this before it becomes anymore painful, besides I'm saving it all for my Christmas wish list.

Happy Father's Day to all the Dads and Moms out there, I hope you know how much you are appreciated and loved.



17 comments:

  1. You're the best dad (with boobs) ever!

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    1. If I had a nickel....I don't know Brandon, lots of Dads have boobs too actually. #moobs

      Yes, I hashtagged my comment because that's how I roll.

      Delete
  2. You are the prettiest dad ever and agree with Brandon on the boobs...

    For Father's Day I'd like a smokin hot pool boy and maybe a pool. Bet you don't hear that every day.

    Happy Father's Day, girl. That mug kicks ass.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, you are a pretty hot Dad yourself. I'm trading in my pool boy fantasies for a smokin' hot auto-mechanic. Maybe I'm getting wiser or lazier in my old age and would actually like him to do something besides clean my non-existent pool. Right. That doesn't sound fun at all. Pool boy it is.

      Getting you the mug for Father's Day *spoiler alert*

      Delete
  3. You're definitely the prettiest dad ever! Even prettier than mine, and you look hotter in a dress...probably xxx

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    1. Hahaha, I hope so, but I have seen prettier men in dresses. Thanks darling.

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  4. Yes ! Pretty dad indeed ! Pretty inside and out ! The auto mechanic ... yes ! Never done that stuff and would probably mess up if I did. So hope someone gets you that :) Going through boot camp with my oldest myself so know how that can be ! Glad your'e back ! Happy parent day for Sunday !

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    1. Thanks! Okay you can give me pointers on tween boot camp. I'm dying and she's only 7!

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  5. Happy Father's Day to you, Cari. Same goes for me, I guess! Here's to us!

    In lieu of Handy Manny- with a sexy Spanish accent- I need to get myself a decent set of tools too. Thanks for the reminder.

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    1. Cheers, Pepper! Yes, tools is never the top of my wish list, I'd rather get a cute pair of shoes. But this experience was a realization that I need to invest and take a trip to Sears. uggh. Happy Father's Day;)

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  6. Trust me...you don't have to be a single parent to want an auto-mechanic type person/gift card for Father's Day! ;P

    I am more than happy to get a hand-made card (from R) and appreciation (guess I'll have to wait until the other unit gets a little older for this one) on Mom's Day.

    Happy Father's Day Cari...you deserve it! D

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    1. That's true, auto-mechanic types are handy to have around. I'm a sucker for the handmade card, and appreciation, eh, hit or miss;)

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  7. Happy Father's Day. I like the mug, personally.

    Missed you around these parts. :)

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  8. Happy Father's Day! The tools are a great idea. My mom was a single parent and she did a TON of stuff around the house. Every time I find myself in the throes of a pity party because my hubby won't get on some project I want done, I give myself a smack-down because my mom would have just done it. She would have swore a whole lot, but she would have got it done!

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  9. Thanks for reminding me that Father's Day is coming up. Had to Google to find out the date. LOLOL! Welcome to the crazy life in this house. Happy Father's Day!

    I'll take a hand-made anything any day. And, I save them.

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  10. Hey Cari - I passed on an award to you. Come visit the Ballpark to see!

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  11. Every year I ask for something like this: http://www.apollotools.com/69-Piece-Women-Essential-Tool-Kit.html
    They never get it for me. I don't understand why. Just because I don't do any of the work around here doesn't mean I don't like my own set of tools, so that I can PRETEND to do some of the work around here! And pink is my favorite color...

    Hope your Father's Day was pleasant, Cari! You're one of the most beautiful daddies I've ever met! xoxo

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Let me know what you think by posting a comment or sending me an email, bubblegumonmyshoe@yahoo.com. I promise not to stalk you if you do!