August 20, 2012

My Once Upon A Time...And Coffee


Once Upon A Time a girl sat down to enjoy the most perfect cup of coffee on a beautiful day, not too hot, not too cold, closed her eyes and listened to the breeze whispering in her ear.

“What governs your life?” said the wind.  “What influences you to make the choices you do?”

It was quite apropos that the wind should be asking this, as the girl was meditating on her current circumstances; reflecting on how she arrived at this very place in her life.

When she was a child, love controlled her.  Her need to feel loved, special and seen dictated her every action.  For as she was only a child, no other commodity was of any importance, love was the only thing she craved.  She wondered why she was a burden not a blessing.  She made it her mission to be seen at all costs, for if they really loved her, they would never turn her away.

When she was a teenager, greed provoked her.  She wanted so much to fit in, that she overlooked the wonderful person she already was.  She became a social chameleon for the sake of others, cared for status over what was sacred, would forsake those that truly loved her for just a moment of popularity.  Greed for status enveloped the girl, and she lived in the shadows, reaching for the unreachable.  And later learning the hard way all she had lost while she was blinded by shiny people.

In her twenties adrenaline consumed the girl.  She now felt comfortable in her skin, she also felt invincible.  She loved the thrill and did indeed live like there was no tomorrow.  And fun she had, and she often smiled.  The twenties were filled with much laughter.  But live as she may, tomorrow did come, and the consequences of irresponsibility were weighty.

In her thirties, society dictated the girl’s desires.  She looked back on her life and felt a great something lacking.  She turned a corner and did what she ought to do and settled down.  This was after all what she was supposed to do, was it not?  Spinning carelessly on the carousel of life was lonely and dizzy-ing and she needed someone to steady her.  At last now she felt like she could catch her breath; and the girl found peace outwardly, but not inwardly.

As she blinked, she was married and had two babies.  Now every action, every breath was for them.  All that was vain for self now vanished.  She had indeed found true love in her children.  She found healing in providing them unconditional love.

But soon great tragedy struck the girl’s life.  She found herself weeping and sobbing, blaming and yelling into the wind, to stop it, to explain it, to fix it, to make it go away.  And the girl was broken.  One thousand pieces lie there in her hands and the girl did not know where to begin; how to put everything back together.  The girl just did not know how.

After the howling subsided the girl lay silently on the ground, now tears streaming down her cheeks, and she heard the wind. There broken and undeserving, for the first time, she heard it. Only when she silenced her mind, let go of the control and relinquished reason, did she hear it.  And the wind said this:

Get up girl.  You have been given a great chance.  A chance to begin again.  You are not broken; you have not drowned, get up and live girl. What have you lost?  Everything that is really important, you still possess. 

 People only hurt us if we allow it. 
 Words only have power if we give them power.   
 Grace is yours for the taking if you only hold out your hand and grab it.  

And the girl did.

Now the girl was almost 40.  She had less than she had ever had.  And she sat having a perfect cup of coffee, and for that she was grateful.  Now life was not about possessions, or puzzles, or being controlled, or figuring it out; it was about seeing that one perfect moment and holding it dear and thanking the creator for it.  Her story was never about the lessons, her story is not about her loss; her story is about the quiet she found along the way.  



This post is dedicated to the creepy dollar store clerk who called me "milady" twice, *shiver*.  What started to be a once upon a time post about a creepy cashier organically took on a life of it's own.  I suppose I should curtsy or something.

33 comments:

  1. "...one thousand pieces lie there in her hands..." weepy. still figuring out what to do with them.

    Amazing, amazing writing, milady.

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    1. Thanks, I still don't have it figured out. The thing I realized is I don't need to.

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  2. It's amazing to me just how many brilliant writers there are in this world, and you are right there at the top of the list.

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    1. Thanks, JW. I surround myself with good people.

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  3. WOW, this is just amazingly written. I felt the emotions and started to get teary eyed. Great writing, girl!

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    1. Thanks, Maureen. I was a little teary writing it to be honest. Cathartic.

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  4. wow.

    nicely written (not surprisingly, though). touching...

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    1. Aww, shucks. Wait until my next post about how I'm a pet psychic! Thank you.

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  5. Wow! This is beautiful !!I am tearing up you know :)Love the ending ...It's about the still after the storm and the quiet one finds at the end which is what makes that girl so special and able to touch the lives of others through writing and other ways !! xoxoxo

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    1. Aww, now that would be an honor. What more could a writer ask for? {hugs}

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  6. whoa. you have a way with words, my friend. you really do. beautiful.

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    1. I think it's going around today;) Your post today was amazing!

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  7. Very reflective and insightful. I can relate to this journey...each decade offers gains and losses. It's beautiful that you can be grateful right where you are. The key to life, I think.

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    1. I agree. There is grace in the worst of circumstances, in fact I believe those are where we see God at his most awesome, pulling us towards the light.

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  8. Good stuff, milady. (But can we still have the post about the creepy "milady" guy? That is one of the weirdest things I've heard lately.)

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    1. Thank you. Yes, I'm working on that one, also scared to go back to the dollar store.

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  9. What a beautiful and heartfelt post Cari! Your last paragraph really sums it up doesn't it. Thanks for inspiring me again...been needing a little kick in the pants lately. ;P

    D

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    1. Your most welcome. I needed a kick too, I think that's why I wrote it.

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  10. I like the curtsy or something idea. :)
    I can't express any more how much I love you and respect and admire your way with words so actions seem appropriate at this time....clap...clap...clap...clap...clap..clap...Go for It!

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  11. One of the most gorgeous posts I've read to date. Very "real" & full of depth. Also? You're awesome. Loved it, Cari. Your poetic pieces are always your best! xoxo

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    1. Thanks so much, sweetie. I was blubbering writing it, very cathartic.

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  12. What a wonderful post! Loved it.x

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  13. Very well written Cari. You just put a smile on my face because we all go through a difficult phase in our lives and often times, we make the wrong choices and decisions. We fall, we stumble, we cry, our hearts get broken but yet, we can be resilient if we want to if we will accept the things that happened to us. I believe that acceptance is the key to face the future coupled with prayers. Because it is in falling that we stand up, it's in crying we wash the emotions, and it's in the breaking that we mend.

    You go "girl!" :) Take it all in stride :) God Bless!!!

    Hugs,
    Ria C

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  14. I loved your comment, it was beautiful! Thank you for posting that.

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