My Once Upon A Time...And Coffee

Once Upon A Time a girl sat down to enjoy the most perfect cup of coffee on a beautiful day, not too hot, not too cold, closed her eyes and listened to the breeze whispering in her ear.

“What governs your life?” said the wind.  “What influences you to make the choices you do?”

It was quite apropos that the wind should be asking this, as the girl was meditating on her current circumstances; reflecting on how she arrived at this very place in her life.

When she was a child, love controlled her.  Her need to feel loved, special and seen dictated her every action.  For as she was only a child, no other commodity was of any importance, love was the only thing she craved.  She wondered why she was a burden not a blessing.  She made it her mission to be seen at all costs, for if they really loved her, they would never turn her away.

When she was a teenager, greed provoked her.  She wanted so much to fit in, that she overlooked the wonderful person she already was.  She became a social chameleon for the sake of others, cared for status over what was sacred, would forsake those that truly loved her for just a moment of popularity.  Greed for status enveloped the girl, and she lived in the shadows, reaching for the unreachable.  And later learning the hard way all she had lost while she was blinded by shiny people.

In her twenties adrenaline consumed the girl.  She now felt comfortable in her skin, she also felt invincible.  She loved the thrill and did indeed live like there was no tomorrow.  And fun she had, and she often smiled.  The twenties were filled with much laughter.  But live as she may, tomorrow did come, and the consequences of irresponsibility were weighty.

In her thirties, society dictated the girl’s desires.  She looked back on her life and felt a great something lacking.  She turned a corner and did what she ought to do and settled down.  This was after all what she was supposed to do, was it not?  Spinning carelessly on the carousel of life was lonely and dizzy-ing and she needed someone to steady her.  At last now she felt like she could catch her breath; and the girl found peace outwardly, but not inwardly.

As she blinked, she was married and had two babies.  Now every action, every breath was for them.  All that was vain for self now vanished.  She had indeed found true love in her children.  She found healing in providing them unconditional love.

But soon great tragedy struck the girl’s life.  She found herself weeping and sobbing, blaming and yelling into the wind, to stop it, to explain it, to fix it, to make it go away.  And the girl was broken.  One thousand pieces lie there in her hands and the girl did not know where to begin; how to put everything back together.  The girl just did not know how.

After the howling subsided the girl lay silently on the ground, now tears streaming down her cheeks, and she heard the wind. There broken and undeserving, for the first time, she heard it. Only when she silenced her mind, let go of the control and relinquished reason, did she hear it.  And the wind said this:

Get up girl.  You have been given a great chance.  A chance to begin again.  You are not broken; you have not drowned, get up and live girl. What have you lost?  Everything that is really important, you still possess. 

 People only hurt us if we allow it. 

 Words only have power if we give them power.   

 Grace is yours for the taking if you only hold out your hand and grab it.  

And the girl did.

Now the girl was almost 40.  She had less than she had ever had.  And she sat having a perfect cup of coffee, and for that she was grateful.  Now life was not about possessions, or puzzles, or being controlled, or figuring it out; it was about seeing that one perfect moment and holding it dear and thanking the creator for it.  Her story was never about the lessons, her story is not about her loss; her story is about the quiet she found along the way.  

This post is dedicated to the creepy dollar store clerk who called me "milady" twice, *shiver*.  What started to be a once upon a time post about a creepy cashier organically took on a life of it's own.  I suppose I should curtsy or something.