August 03, 2012

What Do You Stand For? I Call B.S.

If you have been reading my blog for any period of time, you know I tend to have fits of rants.  Not rage, rants.  Best to let me unload and get if off my chest. Don't worry I'll be back to blogging about my normal crap in no time.

Today, all day, this post, these words have been swirling around in my head.  What do you really stand for? Do you know?  I mean really know?  We can "say" we stand for a lot of things, but those are words, and what we stand up for is not the same as what we stand for.  Yes, I know that is as confusing as it sounds.  Good thing I'm going to elaborate.  People and I think this is just a trait of human nature, see themselves so much differently than how they are.  They convince themselves they are what they want to believe. 

 Actions speak louder than words.  Your actions are what you stand for; your actions make you who you are. 
Happy place, happy place, happy place.

Standing for something, doesn't mean getting as big and loud and asinine and as preachy about it as we can.  All that means is you're loud and have something to say.  If you want the world to be a different place, a better place, shut up and change it!  Stop yelling and blogging and arguing about it and do something.

As I've said many times in this blog.  My pet peeve in this world is people who do nothing because they think they won't make a difference. Making a difference does not mean doing something big; sometimes the smallest measures make the biggest impact.  A smile could be worth a million dollars.  Acts of kindness change people's heart, not hatred. Loving through the bad times makes love stronger.

Here's my nickels worth, because two cents isn't nearly enough:

If you want to blog about controversy all the time, look scary, and constantly live defending your views because you put it out there (yet you wonder why everyone's mad at you or doesn't like you), you don't stand for what you write about...you stand for drama.

If you want to preach your beliefs to anyone that will listen or won't, provoke fights, spar people on the interwebz, you stand for jack until you walk the walk, dude. 

Let me say to all of you people fighting on every social media site available over chicken sandwiches, and I realize it's not about chicken sandwiches, neither side stands for anything by fighting someone on Facebook about it.  When you can say you have done something in your life to help a  person that has nothing to do with a status update, then you stand for something.  Be an example of what you would like to change in this world, because saying it is not enough.  Saying something is a start, and sadly almost always, the end.

I'm so far from perfect and I love it.  My flaws make me who I am.  But I do know, to the depths of my soul what I stand for:

Courage- because I live it, because I take risks in my life that will make me happy and make those that I keep close to me happy.  I am not courageous because I get into a fight with my neighbor over property lines, I am not courageous because I tell someone exactly what I think of them (that's my arrogance), I am not courageous because I take unnecessary risks.  I am courageous because I have walked through a little bit of hell and back and that shit was hard.  I am courageous because I do not give up, I will not let someone else's attitude defeat me, and I will not let life defeat me.  I am courageous because I allow myself to be wrong, sad, mad, hurt, scared and I let those things improve me, not rule me.

Loyal- I am loyal to a fault.  If you are my friend I will rise to the occasion and I will love you fiercely.  If you hurt me, you're out, but I'm a patient person, it takes a while to get me to unfriend you..  I am loyal because I learned loyalty from the examples of some amazing people who were loyal to me when I was a terrible friend to them.  For them, I will forever live my gratitude through my actions.

Family- I stand for family.  It is the most important thing to me; it will always be the most important thing to me.  My kids inspire me and I live my life in a way that no one could ever dispute that. I will fight the injustice and stigma that comes with the diagnosis of a disability, because I know it makes a difference. For my son to have a better future, pushing forward for change, will give him a fighting chance.  I could win verbal battles all day long, but guess what, that changes nothing for him by me trying to prove you are wrong and I am right.

I'm human. I'm wrong, a lot.  But I can admit when I am wrong, and I'm not ashamed of it.  I have nothing to hide, or prove, or pretend.  You get what you get with me and I'm pretty transparent.  Compromise is the only thing that will ever change the world, not being right. 

So do you know what you really stand for?  Do you stand for: God, kindness, respect, fighting injustice, gay rights, equality, etc.  But how far have you walked to prove any of that?  Not even prove it to anyone, just yourself.  What have you done to make a difference, to stand for something?   

Posting something on your wall doesn't mean you stand for anything anymore than wearing heels makes me a super model.

Okay, end rant.





61 comments:

  1. Right on!! You are a wise woman:)

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    1. No you are!;) I'm glad you commented, I lost your new blog address.

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    2. Well that wasn't hard to do was it since I've been a blogger chameleon? WP, then back to Blogger, yada, yada. You haven't missed much. I haven't been posting lately.

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    3. That's too bad. Email me your new blog when you are going again, or just email me, miss reading you;)

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  2. I disagree honey. Communication is sometimes the first port. I share stuff that I agree with like amnesty messages and about other issues in relation to social justice. I know it's not handing out milk powder in a refugee camp but it's raising awareness of issues. We rarely know when a person might show that smile or do the small deed, like pay someone's bridge toll or give someone lonely a hug. I don't think we can't judge people that harshly. Yes actions are louder than words or silent pixel posts but we just don't know what kind of responses are taking place in the quiet hours ... And we can never give up hope x

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    1. I think, we actually might agree somewhat. I'm not saying we have to be volunteering at the soup kitchen every other weekend. And yes we don't know the impact our actions, good or bad, have on others. I think not doing anything at all, even speaking up, is a disservice. But there is a great difference between hitting "like" if you hate child abuse and then just keeping our mouths shut when we see kids get mistreated in real life. Many people will hit like on facebook, yet walk away and not want to get involved. I would hope a simple like on facebook would bring a miracle in someone's life, but yes, I'm skeptical about that. I think people are set in their ways, and there is also a difference between reporting circumstances that need to be addressed and reprimanding people. If that makes any sense. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment, great thoughts;)

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  3. Spot on Cari ! You are all those things you say you stand for ! Getting back to your rant, Yep ! Looking back at my life the things & people that stand out are those unspoken acts of kindness when someone reached out to me when I needed and listened to my rants even though they were crazy just because I needed to vent! People who were there for me and who inspire me to be the same. You have been for me too & I thank you :) I like your thoughts on courage ... esp on letting those things improve you !Would make a great #MrTeaQuote :) Inspiring post !xoxoxo

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    1. Thanks for that awesome comment, girl. I agree 100%. Yes, I am jotting down all those tidbits for the #MrTea, you betting get going on your end, lol!

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  4. I've been away from the blogosphere for a bit....but I'm so glad I took time to read this Cari. Once again...you have said so eloquently what needed to be said. You are my hero word-smither :).
    I've been busy walking the walk...even though I've never been the person to talk the talk about poverty....I am certainly living it. In the past month I have given up 22 students @$30/hr and a freelance graphic design job to have an income of below poverty level. I spent 2 weeks pretty much eating all the scraps I could gather out of my refrigerator and pantry because I wouldn't receive the bi-weekly stipend awarded me by the government for VISTA (volunteers in service to America) until after I put in my first 2 weeks (typical) of service in. I spend $200 a month on gas driving to my job. I received my first paycheck and it was a whopping $391 (yes for 2 weeks). Out of that I have to pay my rent and all my other bills (which I won't go into) including new cell phone coverage as a result of recent separation. And I found out that I won't qualify for food stamps because my son is under 22 years of age (until December). My savings account is depleted.
    I was too embarrassed to say that I couldn't afford to make or buy anything for the weekly circles meeting so I didn't go. There's more to tell...but I believe I'm walking the walk. I work with people who could only get this job because their recent jail time prevents them from finding other employment.
    I'm proud to say I'm walking the walk.
    At the end of this year's service, I will have the right to say I know how it is. And I will have the right to encourage people to walk the walk instead of talk the talk. I will (with God's help) be able to say I did something to fight the fight against poverty.

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    1. Wow! I had no idea. Well I am so beyond proud of you. You are making a difference. Difference and change are hard. Not an easy road, but you WILL get through it and you WILL be a better person for it and you WILL find a lot of grace along the way. Thanks for giving your time and talents! I love, love, love ya!

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  5. Great post Cari!

    I must admit I am a non-confrontational person so really don't get all the fighting, bashing that can go on on social media. There is enough of that happening in "real" life. I also have a slightly addictive personality so can get a little carried away on Twitter (now Facebook) BUT...for me, I think of it as a bit of an escape from my reality. I gravitate towards the upbeat, humourous and positive people (like yourself) especially when I'm having a hard day.

    Does that make any sense??? Diane

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    1. Makes complete sense. I can't say I'm not confrontational, but I pick my battles. People that speak out of there you know what, I can ignore. But if I know someone and know they are a good person and then are looking for drama, I pipe up. But yes, I'd rather have some fun than argue all day long too. And I love ya because you always make me laugh.

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  6. I argue on Facebook occasionally. Okay, a lot. I want people to know what I know. To not just say and post stuff because they saw it on someone's blog. I feel like I need to inform the misinformed. I will tell you in a heartbeat that your shit is wrong -- because how will they know otherwise? We have definitely become a society that does as little as we can and actually have the nerve to feel good about it. Slacktivism. Save some starving kids by tweeting this tweet, even though you have no idea how that's going to save anyone. I am the one that will tell you that's bullshit.

    As far as blogging goes though, I write-- I am a writer. I don't write empty blog posts for the sake of contro. I write when I have something to say because in the end, the views don't mean a damn thing if the reader thinks they've read trash written by an attention starved blogger. I also don't read blog posts that I know are written for the sake of counting me as a number. Don't insult my intelligence. I know how this game works.

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    1. Slacktivism, love. Yes, there is an undeniable sense of accomplishment that comes from telling people they are a fool sometimes, no doubt. But yes, empty posts, ridiculous.

      Everyone can have a blog these days. What will your blogging legacy be? The friendships and community you found? Or making people mad and having a smack down on your blog. (Penelope anyone?) I don't want my legacy to be "I love to hate her". There is no doubt that writing contro is fool proof blogging gold, because people love to argue. Rarely, have I ever seen an argument on a blog or FB change someone's point of view.

      There are ways to write about controversial topics without provoking America. A good writer can do that. That's what makes you a good writer. Well that and your list of people you are trying to offend before you die;)

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  7. I'm a frist time visitor and I enjoyed your post. I think that I stand for equality more than anything, which encompasses a lot of other great things. I have an 8 year old with Asperger's and all I want is for him to be accepted for who he is. That would make me the most happy.

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    1. Thanks for reading, Jim. I feel the same way, I want that for my son too. I know we'll get there if we keep chipping away at it.

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  8. BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN
    Why American men should boycott American women

    http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com/

    I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don't know how to cook or clean, don't want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

    American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

    This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

    Tens of millions of American men have had their lives completely destroyed by American women through the following crimes:

    1. False rape accusations (it has been proven that up to 80 percent of rape accusations are FALSE)

    2. False domestic violence (DV) charges (same as above)

    3. Financial destruction of men in divorce courts through alimony and support payments (women get up to 95 percent of their ex-husband's income and savings, as well as the house, car, etc)

    4. Emotional destruction of men by ex-wives who have stolen their children from them and forbidden the fathers from having custody or contact with their own children

    5. Divorced dads who commit suicide as a result

    Not one single American woman has EVER condemned their fellow American women for committing these crimes against men. Silence means consent. Therefore, American women support and enjoy destroying men's lives and causing men to commit suicide. Apparently, American women think it is okay to be a criminal, just as long as you are a woman. Therefore, is it any surprise that a huge percent of American men no longer want anything to do with American women, other than using them for easy sex and then throwing them away?

    A few more reasons to stay away from American women?

    -25 percent of American women take psychiatric drugs for mental illnesses.
    -25 percent of women under the age of 30 have at least one STD.
    -85 percent of divorces in America are INITIATED by women, thus women are responsible for the vast majority of divorces.
    -70 percent of criminals in America were raised by single mothers, thus feminism is responsible for most crime in America.
    -The majority of child molestation, child abuse, and child murder in America is done by WOMEN.

    Over 50 percent of American women are single, without a boyfriend or husband; so the fact is most American men no longer want to marry American women. Let these worthless American women grow old living alone with their 10 cats.

    BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!

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    1. Wow, that's quite a load of crap up there. Before I respond, I'm going to take my time and research your IP address, I just want to point out to any readers not to click your link. I can't edit comments in Blogger. I didn't click and I won't because you obviously want some traffic and feel this is a good place to do so.

      Also feel free to cite any sources you might have that aren't made up baloney. Please.

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    2. "Not one single American woman has EVER condemned their fellow American women for committing these crimes against men."

      I'm going to guess you are not a statistical analyst by profession...
      Also, please look up the words "bigot" and "idiot".
      And, lastly, your inability to dissolve your relationship in a mature, adult manner in no way encumbers all men to act irrationally any more than I may demand you hang out and joke with your ex-wife because my ex-wife happens to be one of my best friends.

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    3. I'm so broken up that I don't get the opportunity to date this fine specimen of manhood. *rolls eyes*

      Leave your name next time, asshat.

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    4. gina valleyAugust 04, 2012

      You have got to be kidding me. I had nearly forgotten that there are still such ignorant arrogant people in the world. I feel sorry for you. You have my pity, as you are clearly blinded by your arrogance.

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  9. I have a feeling no one wants you anyway, moron. Maybe you could throw in some sources next time instead of pulling shit from your ass.

    Also, if you spent as much time on not being a creeper as you did on this bullshit "blog", you may have a better chance with a woman.

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  10. Sevastian was here. I won't get involved with picking on "Anonymous" though, because even though I sometimes do cross over from my typical passivity, in order to render an opinion, I DO have some scruples, and so I will heed my mother's sage advice: "Sev, don't pick on the retarded kid." Words to live by.

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    1. True, you are one of the least opinionated, passive guys I know;) Nice to see you coming out of your shell a little, lol. I think your Mom is a smart lady. It is almost too easy to refute that nonsense.

      (P.S. I HATE the "R" word, Sev please take that out of your vocab or I will throat punch you.)

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  11. I love your rants! And I can't believe the crazies that comment on your posts... seriously that just mean that your have written something worth while... when the weird people crawl out and comment. Love you.

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    1. Sure it could mean I have written something worth while, or just that they are crazy. At any rate, I got a laugh out of it, lots of love back to you;)

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  12. Lots of activity here tonight! LOL! Carrie, love the post! Can"t pick one point for a comment. I just think on some level we are the same person.

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    1. Probably true, although I hope the fact that we are one person doesn't lower the wine ration. But then we wouldn't have to fight over Rick Springfield, lol;) You win that one anyway.

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  13. Lots of activity here tonight! LOL! Carrie, love the post! Can"t pick one point for a comment. I just think on some level we are the same person.

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  14. Just my opinion, but I think that annon. comment is spam. I'd delete the crappola. To Suzi, so sorry and yet, admiring of all you've been dealing with. God bless you, girl. Carri,you always make good sense. I'm with you-people need to quit mouthing off so much and DO something to improve things. Good job.

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    1. Thanks, my dear. Naturally my first instinct was to delete that, but I don't delete any comments. I think I've been in the blog world too long and found many blogs will pick and choose the comments they want to publish, only the good and not the bad. Kinda rubs me the wrong way. Plus, the crazy dude proved my point that people will argue about anything, he's just looking for attention. I also think if a smart, attractive American woman came along, the boycott would be over asap.

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    2. Thanks Mare....I'll soon be on my way and
      better than ever!!! You're sweet!

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  15. I wonder what constitutes "walk the walk", though. Who gets to be the judge? Does serving in the military & defending my country count? Does kidnapping a child from her abusive home, hiring a lawyer, & having her removed completely so that no one can ever harm her again count? Does packing food for those less fortunate than I count? Does helping to raise thousands of dollars for my friend's hospitalized child count? If I do all these things, then can I be allowed to write provocative material? The reason I ask is because it seems to me that a good writer is one who moves others to strong emotion, & hopefully, action. We can't all be everything to everyone. Some of us are quiet & kind, like you & like my sister & like several others who prefer a life of being as non-confrontational as possible. Others don't give a flip one way or the other & strive to avoid controversy altogether. Some, as you point out, like to stir up shit & cause drama for the sake of numbers. And then there are a select few who actually hope to rally the troops. I like to think I fall into that category. I'm still learning, & obviously not doing a great job if I were to go by your standards. But I'm not going by your standards. I'm going by mine, by my husband's, & by the couple of fans who have sought me out to speak for them. I will continue to rant, or rage, or speak out when I feel driven to do so. It's not for numbers. I don't care about that, because unless you have friends in high places, numbers are never going to offer me a living. I do it because I want to. I want to write about the things that piss me off. And there's a lot of it out there. Because, like you, I've lived through hell & come out the other side. I'm glad you came out healthy & happy. I came out tarnished & ready to raise a ruckus. Screaming about injustices, for me, is better than the alternative, which might find me in the ER.

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    1. Andi, first let me be clear that you are a very talented writer, also, quiet isn't quite me, I prefer selective. You and I have spoken in length about this topic, and so I know your reasons behind your posts and I respect that. Let's just look at the blogosphere in the last few weeks, facebook even, 10000 posts about CFA and gun control, blah, blah. Of course those are important subjects, but I don't need to read 10000 views of people's empty ranting, preaching, and name calling. What sets them apart from the other 999? I'm not giving attention or time to people who jump on the bandwagon without research or even having a clue what they are talking about. You and I both know there are plenty of bloggers out there that blog contro for numbers, and it works. I don't give them attention either. Too easy to write a post titled, "I'm right, you're wrong, suck it". All that will do is fire people up and I believe then that is misguided energy. Me 'trying' to stay out of that nonsense is what keeps me OUT of the ER. Hard to stay out of that sometimes, for sure. Certainly feels good to argue, but it doesn't make me feel better at the end of the day, it wears on me.

      I'm not the judge of anyone, I certainly don't try to be. Sorry if you feel my post is saying that. If I wouldn't have written it at 2am perhaps I could've articulated better. We can only be the judge of our own actions. How does what you're saying make you feel? Powerful, proud, better, in-control, relief? Walking the walk is at the end of the day, people putting purpose behind their words. Sounds like you do. Let's be honest though, a lot don't.

      If there is one thing I know for sure about you, Andi, it is that you will tell the truth. I do appreciate that about you. Let's hug it out;)xxx

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  16. I love this blog! Best reading entertainment ever! :)

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    1. I'm going to copy and paste that, by the way;) Has taken an interesting turn for sure.

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  17. Firstly, the name of your blog is cute :)
    Secondly, your ranting is appreciated. What I hold dear are the lessons I learn and the sharing of those lessons even if it doesn't make any sense at all...lol

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    1. Thanks! I trick everyone with the cute name, then BAM! hardcore. lol. Well, good point, even if we do share something we don't know if that might be a lesson to someone or not.

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  18. Firstly, the name of your blog is cute :)
    Secondly, your ranting is appreciated. What I hold dear are the lessons I learn and the sharing of those lessons even if it doesn't make any sense at all...lol

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  19. You know, I've been hanging around here for a while. I gotta say - I love it when you rant! It shows much of who you are and I like it. :)

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    1. I seriously appreciate you hanging around too, you're a trooper. You should probably get a t-shirt or something.;) Ranting is definitely good for my soul sometimes.

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  20. I love this post Cari. It speaks what's in your heart and mind in the truest form. Just go ahead and rant. It's normal to do that.

    I stand for family solidarity, animal welfare, peace, love and happiness. They're very ideal but it's what my heart yearns and will be willing to fight for :)

    Hugs,
    Ria C

    It's My Party
    Home is Where the Heart Is
    Red Lips and Pinky Toes
    The Travel Bug

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    1. Love that, Ria! I know you do stand for those things and you speak your truth, you're a beautiful lady!

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    2. Thanks Cari... :) Btw, love that post on Jerry M. shenanigan line "you complete me" blah blah blah that made women swoon over b.s. hahahahaha :)

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    3. Hee-hee, Ria, you might complete me.;)

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  21. I love it when you rant, girlie! Please feel free to rant at will. ;)

    I also love your blog so much that I nominated you for the Sunshine Blogger Award! Funny, I know, since this post wasn't exactly sunny-- but you're awesome! Stop by the Crazy Train to get yours!

    http://delirious-mom.blogspot.com/2012/08/aw-shucks-people-think-im-great.html

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    1. I need not stop by the crazy train as I am usually driving. Thanks so much, ahhh heck, are you sure you have the right blog;) Thanks, heading over.

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  22. Wow, this is great! I do agree with you about people fighting battles on FB and then call themselves a social rebel. Changing an avi on Twitter doesn't make someone conscious. It makes them a fan.

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    1. Word! You should totally have a show about this, just sayin'.

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    2. Oh, I've had my moments on the show discussing similar topics. I went off on some things back in February about people trying to be "socially conscious on social networks."

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