September 20, 2012

Five Ways To Know You're A Cat Lady...

There is an inevitable point in the life of a singleton, where one must ask themselves if they will live out the remainder of their days as a cat lady.  Now let me just clarify, there is cat lady and there is crazy cat lady.  You know what I'm talkin' about when I say crazy cat lady, and that is not the cat lady of which I speak today.  Crazy cat ladies talk to invisible people, could be considered cat hoarders, and wear lots of layers.  They also might have heavy artillery in their coat closet.  Of course, that's all hear say.

This cat looks dangerous, I wouldn't cross it
Your basic run of the mill cat lady usually starts off getting A cat, because they live alone and want companionship.  Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with living alone and having a cat, pets are great, don't be calling me a cat hater or anything. To be honest, more people should try living on their own for awhile.  Cat lady-ness can be a choice too!  I in fact, very well might live out my days alone or in my kid's basement.  Good possibility of that.

 So no more beating around the bush, here are five ways to know you are a cat lady:

Your Cats Have Long-Ass Names 

That's right.  The first step on the slippery slope into cat lady land is naming your cat something besides Sprinkles or Mr. Kitty.  Sure, sure, I'm positive someone can make an argument for breeding or some such thing, but my friends, that's denial and you know it.  If your cat has more than three names, a prefix included in the name, or a title, check yourself.  Absolutely I'll give you examples.

*Hector Rodriguez Fluffington, Jr.

*Admiral Bingo VonBobbin Catbeard

*Miss Marple Pretty Kitty

*Snowball Megatron, but you call him Michael

Admiral? Really?  Everyone knows cats hate water.  I'm just telling you, if you rattle off some long-ass name for your cat, it's going to say something about you.  It's going to say, you don't play around...and you might be a cat lady.

You Have More Cats Than There Are Kennedy's 

If you are starting to name your cats after the Kennedy's, Osmond's, or Brady Bunch, there might be a problem.  I of course would probably just say, the yellow one, the black one, the striped one, the mean one; but I'm not a cat lady.  You could always number them too if you needed, 5, 9, 24; but numbers and denial don't mix.

You Can't Pay Your Electric Bill

If you are strapped for cash and can't pay your electric bill because all your money is going to gourmet kitty food and a weekly trip to Sam's Club for litter, you might be a cat lady.  I don't think I really need to expand on this one, do I?

 You Admit It   

You Avoid Your Friends To Play With Your Cat(s)

Oh yes she did!  This should not be happening at 30 years old, and this post might be an intervention.  Because one of the 5 Reasons I'm Smokin' Hot, cannot be, "because my cat said so".  I will have you know the Triad did not break up and we are dealing with the situation.  We refuse to lose M.M. to the dark side.  Make sure you read the Triad posts regarding cat ladies, here and here.

Did I forget any reasons? What are some more warning signs?

Or you could tell me some funny cat names, because that was kind of fun actually.