September 20, 2012

Five Ways To Know You're A Cat Lady...

There is an inevitable point in the life of a singleton, where one must ask themselves if they will live out the remainder of their days as a cat lady.  Now let me just clarify, there is cat lady and there is crazy cat lady.  You know what I'm talkin' about when I say crazy cat lady, and that is not the cat lady of which I speak today.  Crazy cat ladies talk to invisible people, could be considered cat hoarders, and wear lots of layers.  They also might have heavy artillery in their coat closet.  Of course, that's all hear say.

This cat looks dangerous, I wouldn't cross it
Your basic run of the mill cat lady usually starts off getting A cat, because they live alone and want companionship.  Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with living alone and having a cat, pets are great, don't be calling me a cat hater or anything. To be honest, more people should try living on their own for awhile.  Cat lady-ness can be a choice too!  I in fact, very well might live out my days alone or in my kid's basement.  Good possibility of that.

 So no more beating around the bush, here are five ways to know you are a cat lady:

Your Cats Have Long-Ass Names 

That's right.  The first step on the slippery slope into cat lady land is naming your cat something besides Sprinkles or Mr. Kitty.  Sure, sure, I'm positive someone can make an argument for breeding or some such thing, but my friends, that's denial and you know it.  If your cat has more than three names, a prefix included in the name, or a title, check yourself.  Absolutely I'll give you examples.

*Hector Rodriguez Fluffington, Jr.

*Admiral Bingo VonBobbin Catbeard

*Miss Marple Pretty Kitty

*Snowball Megatron, but you call him Michael

Admiral? Really?  Everyone knows cats hate water.  I'm just telling you, if you rattle off some long-ass name for your cat, it's going to say something about you.  It's going to say, you don't play around...and you might be a cat lady.


You Have More Cats Than There Are Kennedy's 

If you are starting to name your cats after the Kennedy's, Osmond's, or Brady Bunch, there might be a problem.  I of course would probably just say, the yellow one, the black one, the striped one, the mean one; but I'm not a cat lady.  You could always number them too if you needed, 5, 9, 24; but numbers and denial don't mix.

You Can't Pay Your Electric Bill

If you are strapped for cash and can't pay your electric bill because all your money is going to gourmet kitty food and a weekly trip to Sam's Club for litter, you might be a cat lady.  I don't think I really need to expand on this one, do I?


 You Admit It   


You Avoid Your Friends To Play With Your Cat(s)
 

Oh yes she did!  This should not be happening at 30 years old, and this post might be an intervention.  Because one of the 5 Reasons I'm Smokin' Hot, cannot be, "because my cat said so".  I will have you know the Triad did not break up and we are dealing with the situation.  We refuse to lose M.M. to the dark side.  Make sure you read the Triad posts regarding cat ladies, here and here.

Did I forget any reasons? What are some more warning signs?

Or you could tell me some funny cat names, because that was kind of fun actually.


32 comments:

  1. hahahah....I'm a crazy cat lady but I don't have a cat. I am CERTAIN that long ass name one is a sure sign of crazy cat lady-ness. No one with any sense names anything other than people with more than two names.

    You know what you forgot? People that dress up their cats and also give them their own family's last name. Like Kitty Cat Majaski. I don't think that's right.

    In MM's defense, Shoe has only one name. And she hasn't called him Shoe McAtee...yet. There's is nothing bitchery about that.

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    1. Bahahahaha! You are so right. I should've consulted you before I published this post. #ShoeMcAtee not bitchery in the least. I'm going to blog this on the Triad site, I also asked McAtee for proof she is not a cat lady....still waiting.

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  2. Replies
    1. Glad it wasn't a CATastrophe! Oh yes, I just did.

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  3. Oh brilliant stuff! Love it! I have a stay cat that lives in the garden, it won't come in as it's scared of the dogs....we call it curly cat, it's fat and behaves more like a dog.xxxxx

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    1. I think fat cats have more character. And they are slower, so they can't scratch me.

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  4. Not a Cat lady since I don't even like cats ! Sorry !! Puppies yes ! No cats. I could qualify though since I do find myself sometimes musing aloud & talking to *me* or imaginary people ? who know ?:)Funny post ! Made me laugh!

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    1. I am not a cat person either...at all. But they seems to either love me or hate me, no in between. I won't hold the talking to imaginary people against you. I think talking to kids is the same as talking to imaginary people, they don't listen to a darn word.;)

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  5. Here's some cattery, for you. I had a RUSSIAN blue, pure bred, named Leon Davidovich Trotsky. I called him Trotsky, or Trots, if he was feeling mellow. Perversely as it so happened, he was an Aristocrat, not a Bolshevik cat at all. So, I guess, cattery-lady could include some messing about with history, or some other metaphorical link, the bigger the stretch, the better in my book. Nice post. Mary <3

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    1. Hahahaha, kinda love you just because you used the word cattery, and I am putting that into my vocabulary asap! That, is a heck of a cat name right there. Thanks, Mary.

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  6. Bob the goldfish.

    no cats
    no dogs
    no hamsters

    Bob.

    Bob knew me. He responded to me. He rose to the top of the bowl when I walked into the room. He listened to me. We talked.

    He jumped out of the bowl....I put him back in.

    Signed,
    the Crazy Goldfish Lady

    oº))))><

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    1. Sounds like you and Bob had a pretty intense bond. I wish I could be the crazy cat or goldfish lady, instead I'm just THE crazy lady. Think that's worse.

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  7. I would be a cat lady... and I think in my future life I will be one. When the littles grow up and leave us and my husband still works long, long hours... it will just be me and the kitties. This had me cracking up.

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    1. I can see that. But you wouldn't be crazy, you'd be one of those sweet cat ladies that makes brownies for kids and knits hats for the neighborhood.

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  8. I have to admit... I used to hate them, but now... slow cooked, a little Worcestershire sauce, some salt and some pepper... hard to go wrong really. ;-) J/K... funny post.

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    1. That's how I like my lobster, lol:)

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  9. I'm giving my husband the ultimate ultimatum soon: One more baby or one more cat. Pretty sure he won't agree to both. But we only have one right now, and she has only one name, so I'm ok. Really, I swear. I'm ok, right? RIGHT? ;)

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    1. That is a toss up, especially considering the intense cat situation you have going on...I think the baby is the better end of the deal. Plus, I'm a baby pusher, so there's that. DO IT!

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  10. This is hilarious! I don't have a cat... but I do have a french bulldog who thinks he's a cat...speaking of, I have to go and feed Louie "long Ears" Cifaretto Jnr. now.. xx

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